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paedophobia

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paedophobia

Postby The Beholder » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:18 am

how do i stop being scared of children?
nothing justifies doing something sexually to someone that they did not invite. this should not need saying, but apparently people forget.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby Ada » Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:25 pm

In what way do they scare you? Or is the anxiety around your own reaction to them?
"We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness."

From The Great Dictator — Charlie Chaplin
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Re: paedophobia

Postby The Beholder » Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:33 pm

well, i think the main reason is pretty well laid out here:

paraphilias/topic102204.html

but there are other reasons as well. i never got along well with kids when i WAS a kid. i don't relate with them and don't know how to communicate on their level. i don't particularly want to, but i work in a store and sometimes they ask me questions and i feel incredibly awkward. i only know how to communicate on an adult level, and while kids are capable of that, they're not used to it. oddly, they seem to like me because i treat them like people, but that just makes me feel even more awkward.

what's the normal advice that would be given to someone who is uncomfortable with children? like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj7O0vGoN5M
nothing justifies doing something sexually to someone that they did not invite. this should not need saying, but apparently people forget.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby EarlGreyDregs » Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:29 pm

Hi -

I read your other thread you linked to, and I think your anxiety might be more revolving around other adults than to the children? As it sounds as though most of your anxiety stems from the fear that the adults will notice your attraction or suspect you are attracted. I wish I had some easy advice to help you conquer this phobia, but it sounds as though it's pretty severe and really affecting you.

In your other thread you said you would be nervous going to a therapist, but I really do think it would be helpful to you to get some professional help for the social anxiety. So perhaps give it another thought. I don't think a therapist would judge you the way you are fearing, as this is definitely more of a phobia issue than an issue with attraction to children- and I think they would be able to see the distinction and where the issue really lies.

- EGD.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby The Beholder » Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:40 am

thank you. this is literally the first helpful thing anyone has said to me in the months i've been talking to people about this.

as i said, though, this difficulty exists even where attraction doesn't play in, as in the case of boys, and when i was a child myself.

i'm planning on moving to a much more tolerant city, and i'm hoping to find a psychiatrist i can see about all these issues. i've considered looking some up and contacting them anonymously by e-mail, that's the only way i could feel safe.
nothing justifies doing something sexually to someone that they did not invite. this should not need saying, but apparently people forget.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby EarlGreyDregs » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:49 pm

The Beholder wrote:as i said, though, this difficulty exists even where attraction doesn't play in, as in the case of boys, and when i was a child myself.


Well, your phobia and situation sounds complex, and I'm sure there's multiple factors at play here. It's definitely not a straight-forward, common phobia. That's why a therapist could help - they could help you dissect this properly and see what issues are underneath this.

i'm planning on moving to a much more tolerant city, and i'm hoping to find a psychiatrist i can see about all these issues. i've considered looking some up and contacting them anonymously by e-mail, that's the only way i could feel safe.


I think that sounds like a good idea, to try to contact them via email first. I really hope you can see someone soon.

- EGD.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby The Beholder » Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:15 am

i don't think it's all that uncommon. people like the one in the video i posted aren't uncommon. i just have an additional motivation that often takes it from discomfort and confusion to real fear. seriously, in the case of girls, if i'm at work and one comes too close to me too suddenly, i almost react as you'd expect a person to if it was a tarantula, not a child, running at them. my terror is significantly more noticeable than my attraction, and is the most likely thing to get me outed, which of course scares me all the more.
nothing justifies doing something sexually to someone that they did not invite. this should not need saying, but apparently people forget.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby EarlGreyDregs » Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:49 pm

Oh, I didn't mean that fearing and being horrible at talking to babies and children was uncommon, no, that one is. I can't do it myself either. I'm not around children much, and when I am, I can't quite figure out how to stop talking like adult and go down to their level. I just meant that there is more to your fear than just that I think, which makes it more complex. I mean, you do have an immense fear about the children. I will avoid talking to children whenever I can, I don't like children personally and I can't talk to them. But I won't have an actual fear of being around them, such as in stores and such.

For your fear about your terror reaction being the thing to give you away - and I think someone in your other thread said this - is if someone notices and asks you about it, you could always say that you have general social anxiety and that you don't do well around kids. Speaking as someone on the "outside", if I saw someone very uncomfortable around a child, I'd assume they just aren't comfortable around kids. So if you said that as an explanation, they would most likely simply take that as the truth. My first thought wouldn't be "he's attracted to them". I think people tend to have a different "image" of what it would look like if a man was attracted to children, that being a somewhat creepy person who was trying to get close to them etc (I don't condone that assumption, but I believe that's what most people think of.). So, a terror and uncomfortable reaction doesn't necessarily fit into the pre-conceived notion of how a pedophile or someone attracted to kids would act.

I hope I'm being somewhat helpful here, I apologize if I'm not. I can certainly understand that trying to "rationalize" away a phobia is not always possible, I've failed at that many a time.

- EGD.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby The Beholder » Fri Dec 14, 2012 7:37 pm

well, right now there's a witch hunt going on. people are being accused of all kinds of things and everyone is scared. just being male and being around a child is enough to cause suspicion these days. until people in general start seeing sense, i don't know if i can ever feel safe. nobody can.
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Re: paedophobia

Postby PeterTheAlcoholic » Sat Dec 15, 2012 12:35 pm

The Beholder wrote:well, right now there's a witch hunt going on. people are being accused of all kinds of things and everyone is scared. just being male and being around a child is enough to cause suspicion these days. until people in general start seeing sense, i don't know if i can ever feel safe. nobody can.


I'm scared of people like you, admittedly sexually attracted to children, and posted these comments in the other thread:

"there are people who have had consensual sexual experiences as children and have had nothing but positive feelings about them, but they can't talk about it because it would make the person who loved them into a criminal."

Your trying to say there are positive cases of adults having sex with children? Because consensual sexual exploring between children is not normally treated criminally, but if a person such as yourself is it involved IT SHOULD BE.

" all we hear about are cases of abuse. nobody is allowed to study it, because anyone who suggests finding out whether sex actually traumatises children is automatically branded the way you just branded me." - Do I need to comment? Mate if you ever have sex with a child it WILL damage them. Sexual activity between adults and children is ABSOLUTELY not in the best interests of children.

Its in the best interests of children that people who are sexually attracted to children, and who are liberal minded to the idea of pedophilia sex, that such people are incarcerated for a very long time the moment they cross the line from being "attracted to children" to "having sex with children".
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