What should I do?

I'm a 21 year old biological male. I have had gender identity issues basically my whole life and I am not sure what to do. I believe I identify in my mind as female, I do feminine things and have feminine habits and have been that way for as far back as I can remember. When I was little I always played the female role in pretend games with friends, even sometimes begging my sisters to be the boy in the game so I could play the girl. I can remember all throughout my life fantasizing about being a girl and wishing I was born one. I don't hate my body but at the same time I don't identify with it, it's like being a guest in someone else's almost. It's like I'm aware of how I'm perceived by others but in my mind I picture myself differently than what I actually am. I've been out as Gay for some time because originally I had perceived my feminine nature as being just Gay but for about four or five years now I've come to realize it runs much deeper than sexual orientation. My question is what do I do about this, where should I even begin getting help for this sort of thing? I am just so deeply unhappy to the point where I'm sad all the time like a black cloud just hangs over everything I do, even when something good happens and I am happy I'm still just not deep down. At various points over the past three years I've abused alcohol, prescription drugs, and tobacco to the point that it has caused me temporary illness. I need help and I am willing to get it I just don't know where to start.

Hi MuchAdo2890

Thank you for sharing. It is really brave of you to talk about this stuff. It is hard as hell sometimes. I think the best place to start is to see a therapist to discuss this with. Find a LGBTQ friendly T that has experience in what you are dealing with.

And for yourself, I do think what you are doing is on track. Separate sexual orientation from gender. Being one orientation says nothing about your gender. Me, I am bisexual, and am a bio female but most of the time woudl prefer to be male. So I get where you are coming from.

You have to start asking yourself the harder questions.Do you want to go out in public as female. Do you want to dress as female. Do you want to be female. These are step-wise progressions but important nonetheless.

Do you think you can find a therapist? In the mean time post here, this group can be quiet, but the comments are always very helpful. It is a great group!

Sam

I've come to the conclusion over time that I do identify in my mind as female and that is how I want to dress and live if at all possible. I just don't even know where to begin to make that happen. I was thinking about maybe talking to my family doctor and seeing if she could recommend a therapist. I can't seem to find any listings for a therapist who specializes in GID or LGBT issues so I'm kind of outta luck in that department. I think I'm feeling a little overwhelmed because I've attempted to ignore this and push it to the back of my mind in the hopes that it would go away but the feelings just got stronger and so now that I'm letting all this out, even just online and to myself, it's kind of got me worked up.

A visit to your family doctor is always a good move, in my opinion, as they can refer you for counselling, and other treatments. Good luck. We all try to push these feelings to the back of our minds, for various reasons, but ultimately, they become so strong, you have to deal with them.

MuchAdo2890

Yeah I know how you feel. It is hard once you have let ideas out either in your head or here or wherever it is stressful. But if this is how you feel it is important to do this. Try searching men's sexual issues or men's sexuality or something like that. Even though I am female, not sure some days if I am GID or DID (which doesn't really matter because when if I am a male DID alter, I at that moment have GID, if that makes sense), I found my old T via men's sexual issues. I also agree with asking your Dr. have you yet?

Do you have places in your city where you could meet up with or mingle with others, trans or GID? Just a crowd that is more accepting if you decide to experiment with your clothes, body language etc? sometimes there are youth -oriented centers for folks with gender/sexuality issues. But they often have somewhat clever names to avoid unwanted attention.

sorry for the delayed reply, I've been out dealing with some stuff. I hope to chat with you more.
Sam

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