I'm a 21 year old biological male. I have had gender identity issues basically my whole life and I am not sure what to do. I believe I identify in my mind as female, I do feminine things and have feminine habits and have been that way for as far back as I can remember. When I was little I always played the female role in pretend games with friends, even sometimes begging my sisters to be the boy in the game so I could play the girl. I can remember all throughout my life fantasizing about being a girl and wishing I was born one. I don't hate my body but at the same time I don't identify with it, it's like being a guest in someone else's almost. It's like I'm aware of how I'm perceived by others but in my mind I picture myself differently than what I actually am. I've been out as Gay for some time because originally I had perceived my feminine nature as being just Gay but for about four or five years now I've come to realize it runs much deeper than sexual orientation. My question is what do I do about this, where should I even begin getting help for this sort of thing? I am just so deeply unhappy to the point where I'm sad all the time like a black cloud just hangs over everything I do, even when something good happens and I am happy I'm still just not deep down. At various points over the past three years I've abused alcohol, prescription drugs, and tobacco to the point that it has caused me temporary illness. I need help and I am willing to get it I just don't know where to start.