Yeah I know how you feel. It is hard once you have let ideas out either in your head or here or wherever it is stressful. But if this is how you feel it is important to do this. Try searching men's sexual issues or men's sexuality or something like that. Even though I am female, not sure some days if I am GID or DID (which doesn't really matter because when if I am a male DID alter, I at that moment have GID, if that makes sense), I found my old T via men's sexual issues. I also agree with asking your Dr. have you yet?
Do you have places in your city where you could meet up with or mingle with others, trans or GID? Just a crowd that is more accepting if you decide to experiment with your clothes, body language etc? sometimes there are youth -oriented centers for folks with gender/sexuality issues. But they often have somewhat clever names to avoid unwanted attention.
sorry for the delayed reply, I've been out dealing with some stuff. I hope to chat with you more.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
so low for how high