Sexually confused

Hey everyone,

I'm new to the site and I'm just looking for a little bit of support, connection with other forum members, and to help out as well.

The past few years now I have been going through harsh depressions, anxieties, constant fear a on a day to say basis, pains in my mouth and face as a result of the mental illnesses I have acquired, or as a result of any mental repression. And I'm looking to get a bit of guidance from people who maybe have a bit of experience.

First of all, I have been diagnosed with OCD and have an obsession with gay thoughts and supposed attractions towards other men, both physically, mentally and emotionally and I can't explain this. On a day to day basis, the thought that I am gay will always cross my mind and I can't seem to get it out of my head. I went to a psychic and she said I am gay. I feel it in deep on my heart that I am, but I have never been to second base with another man (sorry, I forgot to mention that I am a male, lol). Anyways, this causes a lot if distress for me because I'm never satisfies with the label bisexual, it seems that my mind gravitates towards being gay all the time and I can't explain it. I think I can form much better emotional and romantic relationships with another man and I suppose that this has to do with my past childhood experience/environment and my biological nature. Everyone says I am not gay and I don't know who to believe, I doubt myself so much. And sometimes it's like I know the answer so deeply and truly and clearly, and I say to myself I am gay and I mean it when I say it, but then all these thoughts come in like, well you can have sex with a woman so clearly you can't. Then the though comes back, "yeah but you can't have an emotional or romantic connection with a woman like you do with a man". Then another though, " yeah but that's because you never had as good of a relationship with women as you did men so that leaves you with an obstacle or block in establishing a better emotional connection and a romantic one with them." Then the final thought is, "but yeah, you shouldnt have to change who you are, if you naturally prefer men now then you always will, so what's the point of staying on a relationship with a woman (that's another thing I forgot to mention). I've been a relationship with a woman now for about 4 monthes or so, maybe a bit leas, and were like not that happy I guess. Its more so me that's not happy, there's all these issues that pop up for us and bleh, and half of my time with her is spent hiding because I feel so strongly I am gay. She says, If you feel like you need to share something with me then share it, and then I do share how I feel and then she cries and then I feel bad and then I don't want to so it again because I do t want to make the both of us feel bad, and then I refrain from doing that again and then I end up bottling up and I end up suffering and being unhappy.

I am currently on a waiting list to be seen by a psychiatrist to helpe distinguish between thought distortions, disorders, and actually sexually identity confusion. I'm really scared of the ramifications of being gay because that would mean I would have to leave this woman and I already did once for this very reason, I.e. to take a break and explore my sexuality. It never happened, so now we are back together and I'm stuck, struggling and unhappy, as well as suffering on a daily basis. I feel like I can't be myself. I'm hurt all the time.

I need help guys. Please give me any advice you feel or think can steer me in the right direction, I could really use it. Even if it means I just get to vent my problems and not solve anything, but just get some feedback, positive and negative, I'll take it all.

Thanks again and I look forward to reading some responses

Take care and be good everyone.

I can relate to your story. I'm physically attracted to women but I'm emotionally attracted to men, when men give me positive attention by talking to me and spending time with me I become light-headed and feel like I'm in love with them.

What I'm saying is that your sexuality can be very dynamic and have conflicting tendencies related to the different experiences of physical and emotional attractions.

Is there some reason you don't want to be gay? Do you find the idea of being gay shameful? Because if you find that you are dating a woman only because you want to be straight then you are in denial of who you really are.