I've been on hormones since January 2012, when I was diagnosed with GID. I quit taking them a month ago. I felt that if I'd continued what I was doing, I'd experience nothing but regret. Transition was never right for me. I don't know what's wrong with me, or who I am.
I'm in a constant state of neutrality. I do nothing. I can't maintain interest in much of anything, it all seems so #######5 and hopeless. I can't feed myself, despite being tremendously underweight. I just have no desire to.
I haven't been outside for anything other than immediate medical needs in roughly 6 years. I've failed to maintain friendships, because I fail to be interested. For the past 2 years, I've seen no one other than doctors. I've no acquaintances, nor friends to speak of.
I'm a joke, essentially. I somehow misinterpreted a lifetime of dysphoria, and may have ruined my body in the process. I've been isolated for my entire life. It's clearly taking its toll on my mind.
I've tried seeking out therapy, but the options here are limited. I'm never honest enough for it to be successful. I'm too ashamed to show my face. Instead, I hide behind half-truths and medical scapegoats.
I'm embarassed to have even written all this noise. I hate complaining, but it seems I've failed at life.