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My 14 year old son thinks he is gay!

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Postby Raigafan18 » Sun Sep 21, 2008 7:49 am

As others have said, I must agree. Homosexuality is not a phase. It would be one thing if he said 'well, i like girls, but i also like guys'. But if he just came right out and said 'hey, I'm gay'....well...

I think the best thing you can do is always remind him that you love and accept him no matter what. Make sure he feels he is sure because when you're gay and you've been in the water, you really don't go back. Make sure he understands the benifits and equal hardships of leading a gay life so that he can make the best decision.

You are very strong and you have been through alot. Kudos to you and your coming here for answers!
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Re: My 14 year old son thinks he is gay!

Postby ghost5of7 » Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:55 am

This IS a good starting point. It's anonymous, and you can begin to get an idea on the details of the subject. The simple fact that your son THINKS he's gay isn't a guarantee that he is.

Puberty can be a very confusing and scary time for a kid, but at 14, your son came to you with this issue... That's an unusually courageous thing for a kid to do, and says a LOT about his character. Make sure he KNOWS that, and the other positive things you see in him... Even if he IS gay and hides it, he's going to hear a lot of bigotry. "Queer" "#######1" "homo" are going to go into his ear and into his brain. You need to make sure "Smart" "gutsy" "caring" and all the rest of his qualities goes into his ear and mind too. That's VITAL to his emotional health. The kids who DON'T have that? Many of them are the ones who put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger. It's THAT important.

Be openly supportive with an "if you are" attitude. -----This avoids "uncomfortable silences" when people ignore the 400lb gorilla in the living room. Everyone knows it's there, so ignoring it does more harm than good. Same goes with the gay subject. Injecting an "If you're not" note to the subject can keep him open to the idea that he may just be confused. THAT part is pretty subjective, so you'll have to make the judgment call.

Don't bottle your feelings---- Your son had the trust, guts, and love to come to you with this. You owe it to him to return the gesture. If you're getting emotional or upset.. Find an alternative non-destructive outlet. Bottled stress is like freezing a soda can. It bends, warps and overstresses the exterior. People are the same, and he WILL notice.. Don't let him see that and blame himself for what you're going through.

Don't HIDE your feelings like a poker player either. Part of the struggle with parenting is knowing which issues you NEED to make clear, and which issues are personal views. "borrowing" the car for example is an act that's not ethical... An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" is appropriate and healthy. Being GAY isn't an unethical act, and he can't help it. An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" would be... hurtful if you felt and said it.

Learn to talk comfortably about embarrassing subjects. .
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Re: My 14 year old son thinks he is gay!

Postby Jennywocky » Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:39 pm

Necro-thread!

However...
ghost5of7 wrote:...Part of the struggle with parenting is knowing which issues you NEED to make clear, and which issues are personal views. "borrowing" the car for example is an act that's not ethical... An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" is appropriate and healthy. Being GAY isn't an unethical act, and he can't help it. An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" would be... hurtful if you felt and said it.


That's been part of the issue, since in Western culture ("Christianized") homosexuality IS an ethical issue. People either do not accept it as inherently non-ethical a situation as heterosexuality, or they think it's acceptable for someone to be judged not necessarily for "being gay" but for having homosexual relationships. (As if it makes sense for someone to never engage in mutual sex or LTRs in a fulfilling way.)

Learn to talk comfortably about embarrassing subjects. .


That's a good lesson for ANY parent to learn.
Most parents have trouble with this, regardless of any LGBT issues.
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Re: My 14 year old son thinks he is gay!

Postby ghost5of7 » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:44 am

Jennywocky wrote:Necro-thread!

However...
ghost5of7 wrote:...Part of the struggle with parenting is knowing which issues you NEED to make clear, and which issues are personal views. "borrowing" the car for example is an act that's not ethical... An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" is appropriate and healthy. Being GAY isn't an unethical act, and he can't help it. An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" would be... hurtful if you felt and said it.


That's been part of the issue, since in Western culture ("Christianized") homosexuality IS an ethical issue. People either do not accept it as inherently non-ethical a situation as heterosexuality, or they think it's acceptable for someone to be judged not necessarily for "being gay" but for having homosexual relationships. (As if it makes sense for someone to never engage in mutual sex or LTRs in a fulfilling way.)

Learn to talk comfortably about embarrassing subjects. .


That's a good lesson for ANY parent to learn.


Most parents have trouble with this, regardless of any LGBT issues.


*sigh* I feel for ya Ma'am but you're acknowledging my points while avoiding them at the same time. I wish you luck.
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Re: My 14 year old son thinks he is gay!

Postby Jennywocky » Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:50 pm

ghost5of7 wrote:
Jennywocky wrote:Necro-thread!

However...
ghost5of7 wrote:...Part of the struggle with parenting is knowing which issues you NEED to make clear, and which issues are personal views. "borrowing" the car for example is an act that's not ethical... An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" is appropriate and healthy. Being GAY isn't an unethical act, and he can't help it. An "I'm disappointed and angry with you for this" would be... hurtful if you felt and said it.


That's been part of the issue, since in Western culture ("Christianized") homosexuality IS an ethical issue. People either do not accept it as inherently non-ethical a situation as heterosexuality, or they think it's acceptable for someone to be judged not necessarily for "being gay" but for having homosexual relationships. (As if it makes sense for someone to never engage in mutual sex or LTRs in a fulfilling way.)

Learn to talk comfortably about embarrassing subjects. .


That's a good lesson for ANY parent to learn.


Most parents have trouble with this, regardless of any LGBT issues.


*sigh* I feel for ya Ma'am but you're acknowledging my points while avoiding them at the same time. I wish you luck.


???

I was totally on your side when I responded to you, I'm not sure what you're reading out of my posts. :(

I was just clarifying things at best, or fleshing them out.

Sorry it somehow came off wrong. :(
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