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I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

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I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby losinghopenow » Sun Jul 29, 2012 3:56 pm

I just don't understand why gambling has such an affect on me. I am about to lose everything, my house that I own, the apartment I am renting, all my stuff that I have bought. I am so addicted to gambling I will spend every last dime in my account until I don't have a dime left to spend. It is so scary because I know the mortgage money is due, I know the rent on my apartment is due, I know that I have bills due but yet I just keep pressing those buttons on the slots over and over again for hours and hours until I have nothing left. I spent 14 hours in the casino yesterday. I have banned myself from one city and decided to go to another city to gamble where I am allowed in. I just don't understand why this is such an evil and damaging addiction. I go to counselling but it obviously isn't helping me. I am shrugging off my friends and family and I am borrowing from three cash loan companies consecutively. I will never pay off my debts and now I have nowhere else to borrow from so I just wait for the eviction notice to be handed to me any day now. I have started to sell of everything I own in anticipation of this eviction knowing I cannot take this stuff with me. I really hate what has become of my life and do not know how to stop it for good. I am hoping that by talking with this group I will get a better handle of things since counselling is not helping me.
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Re: I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby Ada » Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:46 pm

Does your counsellor know how bad things have gotten? Are there any other forms of immediate support available, like a hotline you could phone hopefully instead of going out to a casino?
"We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness."

From The Great Dictator — Charlie Chaplin
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Re: I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby losinghopenow » Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:59 am

Ada wrote:Does your counsellor know how bad things have gotten? Are there any other forms of immediate support available, like a hotline you could phone hopefully instead of going out to a casino?


Thank you for your response Ada.

My counsellor doesn't know that it is this bad. In her eyes I appear to be a smart, stable person with logic, who had a relapse. The hotline here is absolutely useless. They don't train these people very well and all they do is refer you back to the same counsellor who is the counsellor for the whole city, it is not a support line.

I am ashamed of myself and wish I didn't have to expose myself as a weak, unstable person.
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Re: I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby Ada » Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:29 am

I appreciate I don't know you in real life, and I know the very smallest part of you from what you've written here, but, honestly, I can't see anything weak or unstable about you. It's probably not a helpful point of view, but after all, you HAVE something to lose where many people don't and you have a smart stable self to present which isn't a fake, it's just not the whole story. If you brought your level of focus on gambling to a charity or altruistic work, you'd get an award for it. You'd still be an addict and it would still be unhealthy, but people overlook that if we're doing something they see as useful.

If you were weak and unstable, your counsellor could just tell you to STOP and that would be enough. The problem seems to me that you are too strong for that to work. You need more help than that. If it's at all possible for you to level with your counsellor, that seems to me like a good place to start. They can't help if they don't know exactly how big the problem is. Then, are there any general addiction support groups in your area? Talking to other people who have lived the exact same situation of not being in control might help, even when their addictions are different. I'm going to guess you've browsed this forum for other ideas, but perhaps visit some of the other forums, they might give you food for thought too.

Have you spent much time exploring what triggers you and what problems you solve by gambling? That might be a more effective way to quit and repair your life for the long term rather than by focusing on the gambling itself.
"We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness."

From The Great Dictator — Charlie Chaplin
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Re: I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby jokerswild » Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:29 pm

I am wondering how you are now. If you managed to stay afloat, and if you have given up gambling.

Because I am just like you. I will spend every cent, in fact, I just did yesterday.
Even when I know I am using my rent money, I did it anyway, so sure I would win. But I did not win.And today I wonder where I can get the money for rent, since that was also my entire paycheck.

So I wonder how you are, and if you had any success stopping.
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Re: I'm afraid I am going to lose everything

Postby prologx » Sun Sep 23, 2012 9:15 pm

losinghopenow, and jokerswild. First of all I am not an expert, however I can share with you my experiences. Not too long ago I was in a very similiar situation, when I read both of your stories I felt it because I have experienced this many times banging my hands against the steering wheel as I'm driving after losing everything. I would shout profanity at myself because I lost control at the casino and gambled all the money I could get a hold of. I wasn't able to pay rent, and 9 credit card bills were due, I was scared.

I felt helpless and did not have the money to get counseling. I realized I have lots of help around me but I am not taking advantage of it, because I am keeping everything to myself. I am ashamed to let anyone else know not even my girlfriend which deep down saddens me. I decided to open up and told her about my addiction, I told my friends as well. Initially it felt uneasy but I felt much better after everything was brought out in the open. They were inviting me to social events, or I would take the initiative to do something which keeps me from thinking about gambling. Also I made a promise that if I do go gamble I must tell my girlfriend and all my close friends 5 of them, I have to tell them where I'm going how much I plan to spend and how much I ultimately lost. For the next 3 months it has gotten better, I lost a lot less. I noticed I went much less after the promise I made with my group because I do not feel like telling my inner circle every time I am going. March 10, 2012 was the last time I have placed my last bet. I never told myself I would stop, instead I would always be honest and tell my inner circle about any urges of going to the casino. Right now as I'm writing I want to go and put money in my favorite slot machine, but it's not worth embarrassing myself by showing the closest people to me I have no self control and I really hate having to tell 6 people that I am going.

My only advice I can give is to please be honest with yourselves and everyone else around you. Open yourselves up and tell all of your closest friends.
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