Gambling addict for 6 years and still not cured!

Hello all. This is the first time I've written about my gambling problem to other people, so I am hoping this will help. I've never told my family because I'm too embarrassed about it. I have infrequently written about it in my own personal journal, but this never helps. I have told a few friends but they don't take it seriously or just respond with a simple "Just stop gambling", which of course is much easier said than done. I am very much hoping that I can use this forum to talk with others that actually understand my problem. I want to keep my status updated also, so that I can be accountable for my actions (whether good or bad). So here is my story: I gambled in a casino for the first time with my brothers on thanksgiving day of 2006. I was 21 years old and played about $20. Little did I know that this little $20 loss would lead to tens of thousands dollars lost in the next 6 years. I was working a minimum wage job at the time, that was very hard on the body. I hoped that I could find a system to beat the casino and not have to break my back any more. Of course this failed. I first lost all my paychecks at the casino. Then I started selling stuff. Then I went into my inheritance and lost all of that. Then I started maxing out my credit cards. I finally started borrowing and begging money from relatives and friends; and lost that as well. By the time 2008 came, I was on the brink of suicide. I knew suicide wasn't the answer and that there was hope so I joined the army at age 23. I hoped that this would not only provide money to pay off my debts but also teach me enough self discipline to stop gambling. NOPE! While in boot camp, my bank account accrued money and of course I had no opportunity to blow it. But I was ultimately struck with some very bad luck of being stationed in a city FILLED with casinos. So of course, I went right back into my gambling addiction. I spent all my military pay in the casino, got more credit cards and maxed them out. Even went those payday loan places and lost the money the same day. I got lucky however when I got moved to another base after a year, that was hours away from any casino. This was a blessing for me which allowed me to save up my military pay and pay off all my debts. This was not a permanent cure though. Every time I went on vacation to visit my family or friends I would find a casino and relapse and blow thousands of dollars. I am out the army now and I am relapsing. I tried moving to a place that is not near any casinos, but when I am relapsing HARDCORE! I could write a lot more about the situation but I will finish up by saying this: I estimate to have lost more than $50,000 total. I am not sure of exact amount because it hurts me too much actually look at past bank statements and credit card bills. I know that I owe a lot of friends and family a lot of money. I also know that I have earned a lot of money over the past 6 years have NOTHING to show for it. My last relapse was 2 days ago. The closest casino to me right now is 2 hours away, and that is TOO CLOSE! I lost $1600 in one night, and rent is coming up in a few days. I recorded a video of myself with my phone right afterwards in order to keep a journal of the depression that gambling causes me. I am really hoping that with this forum, I can make June 26, 2012 the last time I ever gamble....
Thanks for listening to my story

I feel your pain my friend. I am not an expert by no means but you have to get help NOW!
Please call GA. Find a therapist that specialises in gambling addiction. You have worked too hard for your money and not get NOTHNING in return. You do not deserve this. You are better than this. The casinos don't care about you, all they care about is your money. Divorce gambling!

Choyce, thank you for coming to this forum to speak about your experiences with problem gambling. Our out of control gambling is something that most of us try to keep hidden from friends or family, so having a place like this to come to helps.

I found a press notice about gambling problems in the military & among veterans. http://www.masscompulsivegambling.org/s ... _final.pdf

There is an email address for veterans to contact someone for help and information.

Gambling obsession is a mask for other pain, it seems. I am trying to connect with that deeper pain, and trying to realize that the gambling will not take away that other pain, just is a counterproductive and backward-direction way to deal with it. I desire a caring community, in essence.

(edited by mod)