Just wanted to share that I've reached the point where I'm happier when I don't gamble, and get severely depressed when I gamble. And yet I still gamble.
If you can relate to that level of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, I suggest you cut your losses, just completely write it off as something that happened in the past, and abstain from gambling completely for the rest of your life. Clean break. If you have to relapse, then go ahead. You'll probably learn your lesson quickly. Compulsive gambling is a really unforgiving, horrible disease. I say this as an alcoholic who has stayed away from a lot of stuff for years. Gambling is worse.
I have gone from losing $100 a day to losing $1500 a day. I can't imagine how nice my life would be if I spent that money on myself instead of flushing it down the toilet. The only thing that has gotten stronger is my disease. I act like I am in control. When I stop gambling for a while I feel better and my confidence goes up. Everyone at the casino is my friend again. But the minute I sit down I lose all control and cannot stop. If I win, like you I spend it really quickly and pull out more and then lose twice or three times what I won before I stop.
Gambling can turn into a horrible, horrible thing and we forget easily how horrible it is. The bright lights, the promise of high returns, the TV shows glamorizing the lifestyle, the advertisements on the radio. I can totally relate to banning myself from a casino and then going to another one. I've done that exact thing!
I'm not going to advise you to leave your job, but you really really need to draw a firm line. Lots of alcoholics for example, can work at bars. It's okay to think and obsess about gambling in the beginning, but you must stop at actually gambling. That's when $#%^ gets crazy. If you are a compulsive gambler, you will try to gamble only $10 and end up losing everything. You will try to gamble only on weekends. You will try to gamble only when you're "feeling lucky." You will say to yourself "well I haven't lost it all so I don't have a gambling problem."
Over time the urge to throw your money away will leave you. Talking on this board really helps me a lot. I also came across this video on Youtube and this guy's honesty really helped me out:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqTJSR4_ujE
He has the best of intentions in the beginning and seems like a really deserving guy that is going to win a bunch of money, but by the end of it he is using water spray to clean out his cup holder that has a bunch of pennies stuck in it so that he can buy just enough gas to drive home. I've done that! That is the f*cking rope waiting for you in the barn my friend.
If you are a Godly person, I suggest you pray in the morning to ask God to relieve you of the desire to stop gambling and to fill your life with new and better things. When I gamble all the good stuff in my life is really far, far away.