INTERRACIAL

Iv only said this out loud once so a bit nervous about posting but everyone seems pretty helpful and understanding on here so lets go!

Im a mixed-race guy living in Spain but was born and grew up in London in the UK, in the whitest part of the whole city, growing up and i have never really had a non-white friend...I have always had issues surrounding my race and identity and have never really like i belong being neither black nor white...

anyway...around the time internet porn started to become a thing I discovered sites and starts such as Lex Steele, Mandingo, Dogfart, Gloryhole etc and i found this utterly exhilarating...even just writing about it nowim getting aroused, at the time it was i told myself because (a) the girls these guys were ######6 were gorgeous (likes of Nikita Denise, Aurora Snow, Kaylyn, Janet Mason etc) and (b) by watching Interracial porn it was easier for me to put myself in the role of the guy than watching white guys.

At the time i think it was a relatively small sub fetish but now interracial is massive online

anyway without realising i went deeper and further into my porn addiction and my focus and obsession with interracial porn become more pervasive and exclusive to the point now its pretty much all i watch...also the type I look for now has changed, whereas in the past it was hough for a girl to talk dirty e.g. wow your so big, now I need/want to here stuff like 'your BLACK dick is so big' and more recently I have been getting off with girls using the N word or anything abusive or degrading...

I think one of the reason (apart form the Coolidge effect (?) of constantly needing more and more sexual simulation) is that over the years living in and working in as i have said in overwhelmingly white atmospheres (now in Spain i work for a company that employs over 100 people from around the world I'm one of two non white males) combined with 15 years + of rejection or simply being ignored by girls in favour of my friends or others, i have become convinced, rightly or wrongly that one of the reasons I have been so alone and am so rejected is because of my race. For example on tinder I have to swipe on average about 100 people to get a single match (I'm a decent looking guy) and my friends seem to get many more matches, i know in UK i get way more matches and the in Peru i got more too but my white friend got even more! recently i was in a club and there was 3 of us guys talking to 3 Peruvian girls and all the girls completely ignored me to talk to my friend even though i spoke better spanish and one of my friends spoke none, without being too dismissive i believe this was down to 'white-fetishing' which i have witnessed in girls from poorer or developing countries...but i digress i suppose...

i suppose what i ma getting at is it possible that my fetsish and obsession with interracial black guys on white girls with the girls being abusive and degrading the man (but simultaneously worshiping his dick and ply ######6 him coz he's black) is because that i feel in real life that my race 'holds me back' and that people look down or reject me even if only subconsciously because I am not white (nor a typically black, whatever that means! though i have been accused of not being black enough). i think also it bothers me that living in Spain i know about 30 girls with Spanish boyfriends but I only know 2 guys with Spanish girlfriends so i feel angry about the power/sex imbalance between men and women and white and black? i feel like in this regard I'm getting a raw deal and that things are harder for me than others and that i have no agency and that by watching this porn its like getting bit more agency and power? and by reviling in crude an duly cliches and stereotypes in porn that I secretly believe people are secretly judging me for anyway its like a way of facing or combating this stereotypes, but like in the most unhealthy way possible?

im 31, i became sexual aware and intereted when i was about 10, i didn't lose my virginity until i was 20, not for lack of trying, since then i have 2 girlfriend and sex with over 30 different girls, alms al one night stands, almost non of which this was my choice, i say this to explain that my life has taught me that girls will only want to ###$ me if they don't know me, once they get o know me I become a good friend but un ###$, also the fact that people want one night stands but not relationships lead me to see myself as only a sexual object which is kinda how the white girls use the balck guys in the porn i watch...

i don't know...

I think this post started coherently and ended a mess and I'm not sure what I'm asking or saying but just want to get a few things off my chest, would love to hear about anyone else's motives for watching this kind of porn (from the noon-white perspective) or from anyone who uses porn to deal with or face more complex issues regarding themselves ow they see themselves or how they worry others perceive them.

I don't have anything to add myself. But I wish I did. You raise some really interesting questions there.

I'm a white female and I'm obsessed with black men. I usually only watch interracial porn as well.

Being white I can't completely say I know how you're feeling but I do understand, growing up around white people, how people of other races can be looked down upon and disregarded just because of the color of their skin. It's something that has bothered me all my life.

I have loved black men ever since I was born basically lol when I was 4 I started telling my mom i wanted to marry a black man and have black babies. That's still my plan and I have gotten a lot of crap about it from my family and from white guys I had to turn down. Also the fact that i plan for my future babies to be mixed, I think a lot about how they're gonna be treated. I know I've heard a lot about the unique difficulties that come with being mixed...ie people telling you you're not "black" enough, or white people not accepting you because you're half black, and it can be hard sometimes trying to figure out where you fit in.

Let's just put it this way, people suck. They're mean and judgmental and don't like anything thats different than what they are. Try not to let girls who reject you make you feel bad about yourself. You are perfect the way you are and ###$ anyone who thinks any different. There will always be girls out there who aren't shallow and won't care about your race. Though maybe there are less girls like that in Spain? I know a lot of women in America love black/mixed guys maybe you should move here.

Also I thought your tinder comment was funny because I always have to swipe through a ton of white guys before I get to a black guy. But i match up with most of them. I live in a place that's not super diverse though, that's my problem.

I also wanna say that you shouldn't feel bad about enjoying white girls. I guess in the world we live in its seen as being different, or maybe even still a little "taboo" but there is nothing wrong with it. I have my own reasons for loving black men though. Even though I have since I was little, the reason I only date black men now is because of the way I got treated by white men all my life. I'm not trying to say all white men are like this, or all black men are a certain way, but I just have had horrible luck with white men. And I actually borderline have a phobia of white men. If I'm in a position where I'm alone with a white guy my first thought is to get away as soon as possible. Even in the most mundane situations, like being in the same aisle as a white guy in a store, or being checked out by a white guy in a store, or sitting next to them in any sort of situation, or having a white doctor. To me white men represent everything that was wrong with my childhood. They are controlling, mean, judgmental and selfish. And to me black men are more loving, accepting, not as controlling, and more willing to do things to please their women over pleasing themselves. Like i said, I can't say this about every black man or white man, but that has been my experience.