Spouse with Delusional Disorder

I'm back to confused, again. Just when I'm ready to throw in the towel, I read these post: delusional-disorder/topic182500.html . Ahhh, to hope or not to hope. The prize is too great to give up if there's any chance.

My chances are nonexistent, because my wife doesn't accept the idea that she have or might have DD. So getting treatment is out of the question.

Dear Heavyhearted,

I found this forum back in 2015 and your post's at that time explained my situation so well and after reading so many others experiences I was amazed by how many people go through this hell.

I normally just read posts and I always look to see your updates. I can't imagine your pain as you have lived with this longer than I think anyone on this forum has. You have went above and beyond to get your Ladylove back.

I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss, all of our losses really. It's like a death of our loved one yet they are still here but no longer the person we know or recognize or in all honesty love because this is not the person we fell in love with.

At some point in time, you have to start living for yourself. Unfortunately, none of us can go back in time and change what has happened. We can only move forward and one day hope to move on.

As much as I had hoped that your situation would change it has made me realize that no matter how much time goes by are loved one is gone and won't be coming back to us.

I hope that at some point, when you are ready, you realize that your happiness is more important because if you are not happy, then what's the point. We get one chance at this life, and if we are lucky, we will once again find love again with someone else that is not affected by this disease.

I can say though that having gone through has been such an eyeopener for me but I am not letting it change me into a bitter, angry or resentful person. I will continue to love life and the people around me. Trust is the hardest thing to give to another but it is possible.

Keep your spirits up and whatever you decide to do remember you will always have friends here for you and will support whatever you decide to do.

Today, I feel so helpless and I’m so angry about it. Today has been another one of those not-so-good days. I hate it that she’s so relaxed talking to others, but so suspicious of me. The day started out pleasant enough. Then, I watched her face cloud over and then it began: “God told me what you’re thinking and who you’re thinking about. That is sin.”

Then, the phone rang and she began happily talking to one of the neighbors.

That’s been my life for a few years… quite a few years.

I keep hoping and praying. Most of all I keep latching on to any glimmer that I want to convince myself is hope. It’s just so hard to accept that somebody else has moved into her body, and the person that I’ve always loved is gone. Now, I guess I’m just confronting the fact that she’s gone for good.

In the back of my mind, I know it’s useless and I’ve started trying to map out a way to move out, but help maintain her.

I found this forum after searching and searching about this hellish condition. I have been with my husband for 24 years, and the past 3 have been unbearable. My husband is paranoid, will spend hours trying to remove apps on phones that he feels are watching him or monitoring his whereabouts. He has a constant delusion about my "drug" use that does not exist, and now is believing that I am cheating on him, spending all my money on drugs, that I roll over after sex and masturbate excessively, that I am a closet alcoholic, anytime my notification light flashes on my phone he believes I have a secret app on there recording him....... I have discovered that the more I deny these things and point out to him that he is the only one who sees these things or believes them, the more angry he becomes and the more his thoughts become like attacks on me. I believe, for whatever reason, I am his trigger. I have left him because I feel like I have been absolutely tortured by his accusations and nothing I say will make him see what is going on. He accuses me of trying to convince him he is crazy, because, according to him, he is as sane as they come and the reason no one else sees my "drug" use is, no one else knows what to look for. He does drugs and drinks heavily himself, so I see it almost as his insecurities and guilty conscious coming out. I know deep in my heart that this is not the man that I married, but I can not handle this anymore. He is telling my children what a "dope whore" I am..... I breaks my heart. I have lost my marriage, my best friend and confident , to drugs and delusions that seem to rule his life. I realize at this point I need to go with my children and my life without the chaos and insanity, just is hard since I've been trying for years to help him. I dont know those of you who choose to stay and endure the torture can do it.... it makes me feel like I am going crazy myself. All I can say to him anymore is; "Just because you believe it does not make it true". But he believes I will take all my '"secrets" to my grave. Is there some type of support group for people like us? God bless you all. If anyone deserves Gods peace, it is the person who suffers from this nightmare and the people who are victimized because of it.

heavyhearted52 (and all others on this thread)

I visit this forum occasionally, having gone through my own experience with a delusional fiance. I was registered as bad_dream before. I chose that name because that's what the experience felt like to me.

I relate to, and feel for, everyone on here. But something you (heavyhearted) wrote in a recent post really connected with me. It was how your spouse could accuse you, and then the next moment, have a perfectly normal pleasant phone conversation with neighbors.

That, to me, was one of the most frustrating parts of my fiance turning against me. He could accuse me of going into the city to have sex with my "list of contacts", and even of trying to kill him by poisoning his wine....and then he could literally turn around and talk to his best friend on the phone like "Hey man, what's up?.....Nah, not much going on here. Same old."

After I left (because he ordered me to leave, and quite frankly, I was very scared of his terrible transformation), he still never told the people close to him the details of what he believed about me and why I left. His mom told me he was telling people we were "going through a rough patch" when he couldn't avoid questions about why I wasn't at Thanksgiving dinner.

When it became clear I'd be leaving, I did reach out to his best friend, and his parents. Both because I wanted him to get help, and also to be honest because I wanted them to hear my side of the story. But I felt so powerless, since I knew that these people would not be seeing the side of my fiance that I saw so often.

He had a history of anxiety problems and substance abuse, but he adamantly refused treatment, for those issues as well as the delusional disorder.

The refusal of treatment, and the way he hid his delusions from others but let them all out on me and then threatened to kick me to the curb if I told anyone about his ideas really made it hard for me to feel any compassion. I felt abused. I still had a very, very hard time letting go of the relationship, though. I went through all the stages of grief, truly.

It's very hard to know that he might still-- he might always-- hold on to his delusion about me, or at least, his suspicions about me. He might never have clarity, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

It's 3 years later and I still dream about him some nights. In my dreams, he is always hateful towards me, just like he was at the end. It's probably because there was no closure after that point-- he didn't care to create any-- he just disappeared.

Hi everyone.

First timer here. Glad to have found this forum, just to see I'm not "alone". But should I be glad there are other people suffering like me?

My story, trying to keep it short as I'm exhausted because of lack of sleep:

My wife of 10 years was diagnosed two years ago with persecutory delusional disorder. She believes she's a Targeted Individual, who's attacked, especially at night while sleeping, by the neighbors who are using "microwave" weapons. All night long she feels vibrations, electrical currents, microwave, and whatever else she can come up with. She can't sleep, is up all night crying and now screaming at the neighbors. In the process she's keeping me awake too.

This all started about 3 years ago now. In hindsight, however, I realize she's been delusional for much longer, albeit not in the sense of being targeted with weapons. More classical stuff such as extreme jealousy, or believing people in the street say mean things to her ( I mean *all* the time, not just once in a while), or spit at her, or believing the cops are stalking her, and so on. Back then I'd brush it off, as it wasn't really impacting me, well, we did have fights about it but at least I could sleep at night. I was also trusting her therapist to help her with those issues.

Three years ago it started getting worse. I'm skipping some parts here but basically she's been in fights with neighbors because of what she believed was happening to her. We were asked to move three times, one time we were officially evicted. Two years ago I had her admitted to the Psych ward, involuntary, were she was diagnosed. Insurance co kicked her out after a week. She was given risperdal, and had to go to regular therapy. She did for a while. We were able to find a small house to live in, no direct neighbors, yay! She stopped going to therapy and taking the pills, as she firmly believed she wasn't mental, that all that stuff was really happening.

For about two years, things were fine, more or less, thanks to living in a house. Recently, "it" started again. You may have read about those american diplomats getting sick in Cuba? Sure enough, that's exactly when it started again.

She hasn't had a full night's sleep since weeks, and is starting to blow up. I know that I have to take care of myself first, so I tried to sleep through it all, not enabling her delusions. But it's become impossible as the longer it last, the heavier her outbursts are, and it's impacting my health now, waking up in the middle of the night all stressed out...

I'm considering taking her back to the psych ward, as she refuses treatment. The last years have been hell, because I always knew her strange ideas were always there and it was just a matter of time.

I've been reading this forum, talking to a friend who's a psychologist, and am about to go talk to one myself, on a professional level.

From what I can tell, this is not going to get better until she gets on meds. But we're talking about someone who's very skeptical of western medicine here!

I love her, but I really feel I will need to take drastic decisions soon, and leave her, for my own sake and health. As someone else wrote, i only have one life. Is this selfish?

But then again, if i were to do that, HOW? She has no money and basically depends on me for everything! Ugh, such a headache..

Anyways..
Not asking any questions here, just wanted to vent and share my experience. I skipped a lot of parts. I may have to re-read and edit this tomorrow, because right now my sight is blurry.. Need to sleep.....

MrSicily wrote:Dear Beautiful Mind,

Thanks for your post. You ask:

Beautiful Mind wrote:What type of DD was your wife diagnosed with? I think the Jealousy type is the worse kind for a spouse to deal with because there's no way to comfort them because they're thinking all these terrible thoughts about you.

Fortunately, she is not DDJ but DD-persecutory, but her "persecution" has to do with our children, not herself. Whereas a DDJ accuses his spouse of awful, bizarre things, my wife accuses a good friend of our family, Thomas, of doing awful and bizarre things to our son, thus causing his psychosis. I have noticed that this is like a knee-jerk reaction with her, across the board: if someone takes our kids out or something, she just assumes they will do something bad to them, probably because she was severely abused as a child. It just morphed into DD after my cancer and other stressors in our life.

I am glad that it isn't DDJ. That would be the worse. Because of her past, she doesn't trust many people, but she does trust me, though that has been strained recently. From what I read and just using common sense, it would be impossible to have a marriage of any sort with a DDJ -- even with this stupid Thomas thing, she can't be talked out of it or convinced. The hardest thing to get your head around is that in her mind, this is reality. Wow! Unfortunately, she may spread her delusional net further in the future, and I may end up being caught.

Thanks much!

MrSicily

I know I'm replying to an old message.. How I wished my wife had DDL, instead of DDP... because then I could deal with it and just leave.. In my case, she has DDP and is triggered at night, meaning she is up most nights and in the process keeping me up as well. I'm terrified when it's time for me to go to bed, never knowing if she will wake me up middle of the nigth, or if I'll have to deall with the downfall in the morning. I've already had to skip mornings at work. Not getting enough sleep is the worst.

Well, I couldn't leave. I'm just as miserable as ever. I know if i stay, I'll cast my lot to continue to be miserable. However, I feel its my responsibility to stay and maintain her. I wouldn't be so miserable if it wasn't for the jealousy. I keep hoping that just like it transitioned in, it'll transition out. She seems to cycle from one type of DD to another. She's been in this religious DD for seven years. Before that it was basically paranoia. This deep overbearing accusatory jealousy has been riding with it for three years. Before that it was a suspicious jealousy for five years. Before that was a possessive, clinging jealousy. Somewhere in there was a romantic, sexual DD. She couldn't wait for me to get home and to come upstairs. The dogs were trained not to come upstairs, unless called. So upstairs we walked nude and always enjoying each other. She was romantic just for me. She was hungry, sexually, just for me. It was great, but it was unnatural for her. I enjoyed it, but I carried a sense of guilt, for I knew it wasn't my wife in her body. So I hope she transitions into another type of DD and things improve. Of course the could get worse, but I wait.

I'm new to this forum. I haven't read all the responses on this thread but what I've read so far gives me very mixed emotions. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in my situation, but very very heart breaking to see how this is turning out for others.

heavyhearted; I don't know how you've managed to keep fighting this battle for 10 years. I'm 2 years into my own fight with my wife's delusions. Although looking back on things, there were some odd things that started happening about 4 years ago that I blew off as "my wife having a bad day or just stressed". Now I can see those things were very ominous.

I'm guessing that my wife has DDP although sometimes I think she's just generally paranoid. Not sure that's different? Right now I'm clinging to every tiny ounce of hope that one day the woman I love will get better and be back to her old self. Reading these posts makes it pretty clear that this is very unlikely to happen. To face that reality just plain hurts.

I've told my counselor there are 3 reasons why I'm still hanging on to this marriage 1) hoping the woman I love is still in there somewhere, 2) my wedding vows - "in sickness and in health" means just that. Clearly she's sick so I feel obligated to stay. Then again, my God how much more of this am I supposed to take.... 3) we have 5 kids under 17 - and I can't begin to imagine how i would take care of them on my own and work a 50hr/week job with no extended family close by to help. Fortunately - and it's awful ironic to use that term here - she's still being a good mother. And while the kids know we're having problems, we've handled them in a generally civilized manner. They're not being exposed to daily yelling, screaming, profanity, insults, violence etc. At the moment, the kids are "doing ok".

It certainly looks like I'm 2 years into my own 10 year journey. I must apologize, I've written more about myself and not said much in the way of comfort or support for you. I wish wish wish I had something miraculous to offer. It's beyond noble to hang in there for 10 years. I hope and pray it works out for you.