I have borderline, but I'm older and have had treatment and you're not going to like my advice, but I truly think it's the best advice for your own sanity and to jump start her into really getting treatment. I also have another site for you. It's a Conduct Disorders site and there is one really great forum called Parent Emeritus (for parents with grown children who are still very problematic). They would give you the same advice I'm going to give you. First off, here's the forum addy:
Now for my advice.
Remembering that I have bpd too, I have to tell you that you are enabling your daughter into remaining sick. She will not get better if you allow her to call you and abuse you at her whim or if you don't let her hit rock bottom, which is the only thing that may convince her to get therapy and STAY IN IT! I would be ticked off as hello if I had paid for her CBT for Borderlines and she'd dropped out of it. Her suicidal threats should be dealt with by your hanging up and calling 9-1-1. You should not try to calm her down or talk to her when she is being abusive. She has the ability to treat you decently, if you insist on her respect or else refuse to listen to her make you cry. She has the same option of working hard at therapy that every bpd person has. If she chooses not to do it, and you continue to take her abuse, you have given her your life during your older years, which you deserve to enjoy. Does she have a job? Do you support her? Is that how she can afford to travel around the world and then CALL you from another country asking for your help? She is acting five years old. BPD's who have somebody to abuse who will put up with them often let their inner children out, and you are then dealing with a kindergartner. She has no incentive to find the adult within her.
My parents did not enable me. My mom probably also had bpd (it can run in families). I had to kind of make it myself or not make it. Nobody tried to soothe me. Guess what? I MADE IT. I am grateful that my parents did not hold my hand...that nobody did. If anyone had been willing to do this for me, I may have never improved. Maybe I would have felt somehow justified in acting like I did and in denial that it was me who needed to change, not the world. It scares me to think of that possibility. If you get so sick that you have a heart attack and die because of all the stress, guess what? She will HAVE to do this alone, and you will have wasted the rest of your life.
Try to find a real life support group, such as Codependents Anonymous, Al-Anon or Narc-Anon. You'll get GREAT advice in live time.
Remember this poem:
God grand me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
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