I've been diagnosed with BPD and I would disagree with all of you (I'm in treatment and have already had years of treatment so I'm better). Maybe I was different because I never abused substances and had some insight into myself from the time I was little. I knew I was different and had trouble putting the screws on my emotions, but I didn't know why. I felt crazy. However, when I loved somebody it did not go away just because I left them or they left me. It really hurt. Embarassingly, sometimes I would even threaten suicide if a man left me, although I never intended on doing it. I blush at the old me and the manipulations I tried just to "get back" at somebody who had hurt me. I seemed to have a much harder time accepting "it's over" than others, but I still felt deep love.
The only time I had a black split was when my beloved grandmother passed away. I didn't grieve. I have never grieved. Yet I feel her spirit with me every day (I'm a believer in the paranormal and life after this world). I miss her a lot, but I blocked out her death successfully so that I just didn't think about it because it was so horrifying that I couldn't or I'd really lose it. Now that I believe in the next world, I feel her with me a lot and I remember her often, but I still have never grieved.
I have a really good understanding of my own disorder now. I'm really appalled at some of the things I did when I felt that somebody crossed me or rejected me. I was never a bad person either, which is hard for non-borderlines to accept. I always had a good heart and would give money to beggars on the street and rescue animals and cry when somebody told me a sad story and go out of my way to help people. I just have a disorder that sometimes makes my emotions completely take over my logic and, what should be, my normal restraints. Once the borderline is aware of his/her emotional dysregulation, this can be controlled most of the time, although it is a lifelong struggle.
I've been married twice. The first time it lasted seventeen years and was full of drama, but we also had lots of long stretches of normalcy. I never cheated on him or did some immoral stuff that some borderlines do. I did love him. Long story why we divorced, but we're friends now. My current marriage has lasted fourteen years so far and going strong. Hub hasn't seen the borderline side of me at all. He knows I have more anxiety than some folks, but I've really learned to control myself a lot. If I feel like "going borderline" as I call it, I ring up my therapist and she talks me through it and we usually end up laughing. It's nice to be able to see when I'm being silly.
By the way, I never picked men based on how much I could manipulate them. I picked men who seemed to actually like me. I felt so unlovable that I accepted the love of anyone I was halfway attracted to who I felt may care. Money didn't matter at all either. I just had such poor self-esteem that I married the first man who I was attracted to and who asked me to be his wife. When he would verbally abuse me, and he did (A LOT), I thought I deserved it. I cried and sometimes fought back in borderline fashion, but I stayed with him a long time and had children with him. In retrospect, I think both of us agree we had problems and did not understand one another. Amazingly, our grown children are doing well.
I don't even know why I posted all this...lol. I guess I wanted you to understand that not all borderlines are the same. Just as not all autistic children are identical there is no blatant "all borderlines." There are some sicker than others. There are some that are mean under their disorder and some who really don't like the way they are and understand when they are being obnoxious and want to be better. And some of us who do try hard and DO better. Some of us make amends to those we have hurt, if they are willing to allow it. So...yeah...there is no one way a borderline feels or behaves. Some may block you out and some may want to but be unable to. Depends on the borderline because beyond the borderline, we are all unique people.
I guess I just wanted to talk to you as a borderline who was a bit irked at "they all." Maybe I was just venting. Have a nice night