Big Bird wrote:I'm new here and want to point out that age and education have nothing to do with becoming inadvertently involved with an NPD person. I'm not young, yet not only was I gulled by the wonderful person he claimed to be at the beginning of our relationship, but I also moved in with him, sold my house, threw over $60,000 away on his place to beautify it for 'us' and, when I perceived things were NOT going well, I redoubled my efforts to please him. Now, five years into this relationship, I am old, exhausted, disappointed and, most importantly, afraid to leave because of my precarious financial situation. I'm most definitely over this man but I'm terrified of taking the door. How can I shake this paralysis?
This is very true, Big Bird.
I wrote the Stages of Recovery from personal memory, although it's been 3 years since the final break.
I'm no spring chicken...consider myself to be intelligent...and most embarrasing of all: I am a Psychiatric RN (with an additional BA in psychology) and I work in a Mental Health facility. I should have known better. That must have made it all the more delightful for my own N. Imagine the satisfaction he must have obtained by deceiving a professional in the field.
I remember that fear you're talking about. But NOTHING is worse than the life you are living. Unless you are willing to confront that fear and move on, you will have to accept that nothing will ever change and this will make you responsible for your own misery.
I believe he has robbed you of your feelings of self-worth. But deep down inside, that same confident happy person still exists. Believe it or not, that person eventually re-emerges in you when you finally make the break.
I think you can do it.
cheshire wrote:so, is there anyone who has actually made it to the 6th step? i've seen the stages written about plenty of times; usually by people that end right back where they started (seeking understanding online).
I believe I reached stage 6, although it was truly difficult. For some reason, it's almost like you're under a spell
and you may relapse several times. Eventually though, the pain of relapse is worse than the pain of loss. Remember, it was just an illusion anyway. Sadly, what you lost never really existed.
Those that reach stage 6 slowly begin to recover their true selves and eventually move on. Consequently, you don't see a lot of them posting on forums like these. I continue to post from time to time and read the forum frequently, because I believe that given my profession, I can use the experience to gain more knowlege and help some of my patients.