Hello, first off all I want to apologize If I´m posting this in the wrong topic and please excuse my mistakes in language.
So I´m writing this in hope that somebody can give me some sort of psychological expertise about the traits and problems of this girl. In general I think I understand but still I would like to understand it from a deeper point of view.
So this girl, I liked since ever. But she was the girl, later Ex of my best friend, at least where I´m linving. Ex because she betrayed him. Well after that happened and a while we started to become really good friends. Her ex started to use her feeling and played on them while he had other girls so I supported her a bit and she felt much better. Than he went for an student exchange and our friendship began to flourisch, so much my sympathie for her became love.
She seems to be always so nice and cute, She hugs everybody and acts like she has compassion for everybody and most time people feel her good vibes and everybody likes her. So I felt in love with that because nobody gives me that ecstasy.
I told her than about my love and as her ex had another girl on the exchange she wanted to date after first saying no. I took the risk to lose my best freind and believed in her. Maybe betrayed him but in the end she waited for him one year, trying to avoid flirting with others. So I thought she learned from her mistakes.
Well as we started to date, I realized she had trouble to forget him. In the evening everything was fine but when she woke up by my side she was always deeply thinking. I asked her If everything was fine. She almost never wanted to talk. I realized early that she didn´t communicate much things to me. That she had her secrets. But I thought it´s ok she needs time to forget him.
And after four weeks she seemed so damn happy with me. Told me thanks for making me forget him.
And here is the beginning of the bad side of the story:
She had to go for 8 weeks to brazil. After 2 weeks she started to avoid long answers and conversation like e.g. first she tells me she bought new underwear and lipstick. So i told her: Hey show me the lipstick
...well and she knew exactly I wanted a photo from her but she only sent me a photo of the lipsticks...I just thought ok something is wrong. With everyday she wrote less and less till she didn´t answer me. I asked: why you ignoring me?
The answer came ONE WEEK LATER telling me nothing till I made pressure on her she told me she doesn´t feel nothing. As I felt there was more I kept digging. She started to tell lies like: I knew it wasn´t serious (It was because we said we would make it official when she would come back)
She told me she didn´t knew about my feelings and from sudden she suffered from amnesia. So many things she tried to make me believe I was inventing
Then I spotted on Facebook that she was already flirting with her ex. I felt totally betrayed. She didn´t see him and just forgets about me without any conscience. Not feeling any guilt for ignoring me or that I would see that on Facebook.
Weel after she came back I wanted to talk with her. As we met she hugged me strong and started to sing and dance to the music as If she still was in brazil. While I was drowning in sadness. Than I finally started to talk and she just said she don´t want to be with me. But no apology, no guilt in her eyes just a dry I´m sorry. Well we decided to be friends. But I felt she somehow still felt attraction to me.
It also turned out she had some other dudes in Brazil and booked a concert with her, but claiming that she actually overthought it and doesn´t want to be with him, at least she was not sure.
After a while we met again, and we almost kissed after watching a movie. BUt she said she does not feel that it would be fair because her ex spent so much money on the concert and she was going with him the next day. And she said we better should not do things all alone because she don´t to be with me. Ok I accepted it.
After 4 Days a message from her: Hey lets watch a movie! I already noticed on Facebook something was wrong between her and her Ex. As we met she told they had an argument.
From the beginning she started to flirt and wanted to sleep with me. I said I want to try it but slowly, and that we both need time. She did say nothing just hughed me.
Somedays later again she started to ignore me, saying all time she has no time. Now I know she was again with her ex.
I was in shock again she used me as medicine for her ex. Again she didn´t tell me nothing, didn´t apologize truly and started to say that she never told me would try it...even than she knew a love her so how dare she want to sleep with me.
Since than she did a lot of #######4: She starts to write than ignores me, wanted me bring her some documents to the house of her ex, and she started to flirt with me for two days again, but then she got well with her ex and since than no word from her. Just a: I need to tell you something.
So yeah thats the story...I mean she is insane:
- Started dating me and said she is starting to feel a deeper connection
- ignores me to not confront the reality
- then starts lieing and pretending there was nothing
- feels no guilt for what she has done
- has like 3 guys at the same time
- her apologies have been super superficial, always accompained by an excuse for herself
- used me to overcome the argument with her ex whom she says is the love of her life, but is abled too just switch like that her feeling and want to sleep with me
- not giving a f* for my feelings
- never felt like she tried to understand me, of tried to feel me (lack of empathy, even though she acts like she has so much of it)
- tried to tell me I overrated things
- never tries to face her mistakes, doesn´t learn from them as she is always giving excuses to herself and building a pleasent reality
- never thinks about consequences
- acts as a friend and says I´m so important to her as a friend but than she lefts me hanging and flirts with even if she knows that it hurts me a lot because I trule love her
- in the end she manipulated me
Some more things about her:
- When she was about 11 her parents divorced. She is saying it affected her positively because she is now more open minded. Never understood that...And what she does not realize is that she already told me the story 4 times, that her uncle beat her for no wanting to eat and wanting to see her brother and dad.
- She says she fears the happiness know because she fears it will pass by. She gave me as example that she always feared the business travels of her dad because then she couldn´t see him for so long. But as I said I´m sry it affects you so much, she started to get super defensive telling me I should care about my own and that shes totally fine.
- She sometimes has problems with telling her brother and mother that she loves them. But tells everybody else how much she loves them. ( ALl kind of friends)
-She in general has a problem to speak out her mind and to confront her thoughts.
- No self discipline
- I feel like she fears deeper feeling
So i gave up now on her because she is just toxic. Will always play with my feeling as she will feel the need of love.
But It drives me crazy to understand what kind of person this is? How would call it as psychologist? What would be your diagnosis. I know it´s not that easy just by this description, I know psychology is a process of getting deeper understanding about the person, but still maybe you can tell me something.
It´s the last thing I can´t let go abut her. Would you call it a toxic character? what kind of? are there known terms to describe such a personality?
Because in the ends she says she wants to be a good person and acts totally good as a friend. I experienced it. But when it comes to a deeper connection she seems to fail.
Thanks for reading all this