Self doubt

Hi, to start things off I've been dating my current boyfriend for 7 months now. And there's no doubt that i love him very much and he does too. I've noticed about three months into our relationship that he has these unwanted thoughts and it has been a problem ever since. We're not sure what exactly it is or what triggers it but it's been coming up for a very long time now. They vary from him thinking he's not good enough or i'll leave him etc. He also has said that he feels numb a lot and has a hard time feeling any emotion. Sometimes though these thoughts take over his whole mind and it'll be the only thing he focuses on. During this he tends to push everyone away including me. We dont see eachother as much as we want to, so our relationship is mainly built on text message and facetime as of right now. When we are together though, and not to give myself a lot of importance, the thoughts don't feel as strong for him and he feels a lot better then (from what he tells me that is). Theres not many other people he talks to considering he's super introverted like me. He's had other thoughts that he never tells me about because he's worried it'll hurt me, but I'm 100% aware those aren't his real feelings and it's just when he gets in that mindset that he starts to get them. He has described it as a bubble in his head and inside the bubble lies his memories and feelings. Him and I are both trying very hard to find a way to get those things out of the bubble without damaging either one of us. His one suggestion is taking a break but the last time we took one it didnt last very long considering the fact we both can't really stay away from eachother. But in our situation I'm not able to be with him as much as I really want to and him as well. So there's not much we can do for that. Is there any way for him to get those feelings and memories back and manage to get rid of or at least find a way to control his bad thoughts? And is there anyway I could help him with this?

I don't think you can fix him. I remember before I went to therapy there was something like a black hole in me – you could throw as much joy, happiness and love into the hole as you wanted, it would just disappear in there. I'd suggest some sort of therapy as well but he would need to be open to it. If you try and force him, it just won't work as it requires 100% participation from the patient.

I'm sorry I don't really have good news for you

It's a positive that you mean well and want to help, but just another opinion...

Often we are just too close to the problem to provide the kind of help a therapist could provide, but therapy also only works if he makes the choices to work on healing his emotional wounds.

Oliveira wrote:I don't think you can fix him. I remember before I went to therapy there was something like a black hole in me – you could throw as much joy, happiness and love into the hole as you wanted, it would just disappear in there. ...

Yes, when someone has that 'black hole', while love and support can provide a bit of temporary relief, it won't last. Therapy really can help, if he is committed. He could also end up more depressed for a while as a result of therapy, but rather like surgery, it's going to hurt before it gets better.