Hello,
First off, thanks for taking the time to read my post.
I am at a loss. For most of my father's life, he has been a user of various drugs. (Alcohol abuse, heroin, cocaine, meth, and pot, as far as I know). He was clean and sober during the later years of my parent's marriage, but was both verbally and physically abuse to my mother. When they divorced, I was only nine and didn't know any of these things about my dad. I begged to be with him, being a daddy's girl, and, so, while my siblings stayed with my mom, I went with my dad.
When he met his GF Kim, my dad became a severe alcoholic as she was already. I would play bartender at 12, making drinks for him and his GF. At 13, I grew to the understanding that my father was not only an alcoholic, but was also partaking in methamphetamine. I developed a nasty habit of internalizing everything instead of confronting him about it and started cutting myself for the next 3 years. I went to live with my mom, not being able to handle living with my father anymore. His addiction became so bad, that I was having to care for him, instead of the other way around.
Once I was with my mom, I sought out help and had a great life. Except, I disowned my father. Refused to speak to him ever again. I hated him, especially when I learned much more from my mother. She tried to get me to have some sort of relationship with my dad, despite her own past with him and any feelings she had herself. But, I still refused.
Jump to the present, I am 25, and just recently started to talk to my dad again. I haven't exactly forgave him, but I was willing to try to put everything behind us so we could be a family again. Especially since I have kids of my own now, and wanted them to know their grandpa. My dad said he was sober now -- no alcohol, no drugs. He had spent some time in jail because of this, and had just finished his probation. He had a steady job working gas pumps for a year, which was great news. But, also sad, seeing how he was a welder/break press operator once upon a time.
I felt like I had been unfair with him. And that I had gone about everything the wrong way. But, I had been tired of the lies and the fact that he wasn't willing to get the help he needed. But now, today, I went over to his house and was devastated. There was my dad, and a friend of his, smoking meth.
I didn't know how to react. I got a bit angry and said to his friend, "I don't give a $#%^ what you do," and then turned to my dad and said, "but I am pissed off at you." He followed after me, and tried to talk to me. I was more sad at that point and just told him that I was disappointed in him. I told him I trsted him, once again, and that he had again lied to me. He said he was still alive, and had it in control. To which I replied, "But for how long?"
I walked out. And I'm feeling absolutely helpless and lost once again. What am I supposed to do? Should I just walk away from someone who isn't willing to seek help? Or should I keep trying to convince him? What is family of an addict supposed to do? Either way, I feel like I can't just sit by and watch my father waste away anymore. Please, help me.