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I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

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I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby RTimmerman » Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:06 am

I want to start by saying i dont know what catagory this topic falls under, so i apalogise if this is the wrong forum topic.

I am 22 years old and diagnoised with Disthymea. I have been on anti depressents since april and visted A new doctor (the doctor that started the medication is a nuerologist and hard to set up a appoinment) becuase they were not working and was put on new meds today. My question is " and this goes back a few years before i was on any medication, I will have these episodes were i feel and think my friends are avoiding me or are abandoning me and no longer want to talk to me. recently i started talking to a Good freind of mine who i havent talk to in awhile, we both feel like we dont talk enough and she felt she wasnt there for me like she would have liked to be ( she said that word for word). so over this last we we have been texting back and forth and talk on the phone for a ahour tuesday night. But wednesday and today i tryed to text her or talk to her and yesterday she just sent back "k" and today i have not herd from her. I dont want to keep texting her cause that will come off ass needy but i want to talk to her becuase i have this feeling that i did something and shes mad at me or avoiding me. This is just a recent example i have had episodes that go back to highschool were i felt this way about my freinds. I am just wondering can this be apart of my Depression, or if not should i tell my doctor about this. I just started seeing a new one today and i dont know why but i spaced it out and didnt mention it.
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Re: I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby Alexander the Great » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:29 am

Don't worry about not immediately telling your doctor things. Somehow, I never got around to mentioning that the best friend I'd been telling her about had become my girlfriend, and then we were over before I got to mention it. The difference here of course is that it didn't matter all that much if I was her best friend or her boyfriend, I still talked about her the same.

I do think it'd be good for you to mention that feeling to your doctor. Also try to ask your friends if they feel the same way - that sometimes they tend to avoid you. Of course, it won't be easy for them to admit if they do, but it never hurts to try.
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Re: I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby Chainedlynx » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:16 am

In those situations I get the same feeling. Just wait a bit. Don't just jump straight into a "Are you avoiding me?/Do you hate me?" kind of dialogue. I've lost friends and romantic partners that way. "K" is pretty much the worst text next to "I'm leaving you.". Clearly your friend loves you and wants to be your friend. I know it's really hard to see boundaries (at least it is for me) but other people need space. It's okay to go a day or two without talking to her. I know it might not seem like that, but it is.

Tell your doctor or therapist whatever you want. If you think it's relevant, even in the slightest you should mention it. Sometimes it's difficult to talk about certain things. Sometimes it's too painful. You might be ashamed of something. It might bug you so much but what's bugging you is so small. My policy with my therapist is 100% honesty. If she asks the question I answer it truthfully no matter what. But the therapists and doctors can't know every question they should ask. Sometimes you just have to blurt it out.
Dx: Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder NOS, Depressive Disorder NOS.
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Re: I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby RTimmerman » Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:12 pm

ThankYou Chainedlynx

That is some good advice, and ill give it a few days and if i havent herd from her ill try calling instead of texting but ill wait first. I just also want to note that i appreciate the replys, I have never been on a forum like this and they were welcoming and made me comfortable to post more questions if i should have them in the furture.
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Re: I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby Pondscum » Sat Aug 25, 2012 10:23 am

When I first started getting really depressed--to the point that I began actively avoiding even close friends (of whom I had precious few!)--it was difficult to decide who was doing the avoiding! Yes, I was avoiding them (refusing to take phone calls, refusing invitations to parties, the usual) and even when I tried to explain that I just didn't have the energy or just plain felt too "down" to do anything, I know it hurt their feelings. (I'm not implying that this is what you are doing, just relating my story in hopes that it might shed some light. :) )

Then again, just to make it more confusing (!) I think that part of the reason I felt depressed to begin with is that I had been "losing" friends for years. I had gone from very popular and outgoing in grammar school to extremely shy, quiet, and suffering from extremely low self-esteem by my very early teens. I was bullied a lot and rejected by the now "popular" girls, so much that I wished I could have become invisible! My self-esteem was in tatters and not even the small circle of friends I had left could "fix" that.

But at the same time I was pushing my friends away (even if unintentionally), yes, I did often feel that they were avoiding me. I think those of us who suffer from depression, hypersensitivity and low self-esteem sometimes can become a little paranoid--I don't mean clinically paranoid but just enough to start thinking no one likes us, no one wants us around, things like that. It certainly didn't help in my case when I discovered that my former best friend had in fact decided that she was going to avoid me because somehow I had become the cause of all HER problems! :shock: (That was many years ago and to this day she will have absolutely nothing to do with me.)

Also--unfortunately--depressed ppl aren't a lot of fun to be around. So even ppl who sincerely care about us might, without even being aware of it, begin to avoid us when we're in a low mood. They don't do it deliberately, but we're feeling very aware of anything negative around us and so we might easily jump to the conclusion that our friends no longer want anything to do with us. I don't think that's true of real friends--I think it's partly that without realizing it, they're avoiding being around a depressed person, and partly because they don't understand what we're going thru and they don't know how to help, what to say, how to behave.

I don't know if this has been any help but sending you lots of hugs!! :D
All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.~~Julian of Norwich
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Re: I feel like my friends are avoiding me.

Postby RTimmerman » Sat Aug 25, 2012 2:53 pm

Thank you for the support. I went through simmilar crap in school as well and i know how t can be. I do not belive i am avoiding them because i text them and try to talk to them. And lastnight she texted me back saying she was sorry she didnt get back to me and we could talk tonight and she would call when she got off work, but i stayed up till 3 am and never got a call.

Thank you all again for the support it is great to be able to come to a forum like this and get positive support from people, which at the moment i am not getting in my life else were.
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