Hi Callalily,
Your story is heartbreaking, and I want to try and share the little wisdom I do know about substance abuse and addiction. Many who try to detox at home actually endanger themselves because of the unexpected health hurdles, conditions, and yes, instances of relapse.
Relapse happens at home because you don't have access to medical help, and as you've said, it's often difficult for people to not use in the face of emotional and psychological stress. If you're considering addiction treatment, you really should go, as you'll have access to 24 hour medical ans psychiatric monitoring.
I think a key point to zero in on is that you were clean for a number of years and hopelessly relapsed. I believe this is because you never really address the reasons WHY your coping mechanism are set to use drugs. Once you're able to discover the underlying causes of addiction, you'll be able to see the problem before it happens and seek an alternative route.
This is easier said than done, but with treatment counselors and addiction specialists can walk you through step by step.
To touch on using methadone and suboxone: many people don't feel maintenance treatment is the best way to go- and I'm not here to sway you in anyway- however, medically assisted treatment has been PROVEN to prevent relapse and help recovering patients get back on track to recovery. Remember this type of therapy is never supposed to last forever- only as long as the chances of relapse are high, and if you are dedicated to getting better, and you really learn the life skills you need to overcome your addiction, there is no reason I can see that you would be on medical maintenance for long.
And even if you are, if it helps you stay clean and productive, isn't that what medications are supposed to do? Stopping before you're ready can have the same effect.
Do you know about naltrexone? It's a non-opiate based medication which essentially does the same thing as suboxone, in terms of keeping users clean, but it DOES NOT cause withdrawal and is not addictive (according to study and reports). It's becoming the favored maintenance drug for both alcoholism and drug addiction.
And yes, Kratom is addictive
( It's in bath salts and I think flakka too, but I'm not quite sure about flakka.
*mod edit*