by Bi0hazard28 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 10:47 pm
I've reached the point that I am no longer a functioning addict. I've battled addiction most my life, while working up the ladder in the oil field to be a contract consultant, raised my 5 children to adulthood, became a grandfather at 42, and ran small businesses on the side. But now, I am out of work due to oil prices, I am severely depressed, have adult ADHD with no impulse control and I can't quit using drugs. I have no insurance so I've purchased suboxone on the street. Rehab cannot be done. I have to somehow quit drugs, and regain my normal happy personality and move on or for the first time in my life- I don't want to go on any further. I've done drugs most my life, all the while, excelled at my careers, raised a beautiful family while hiding my addictions and I am always told that I am very intelligent, which in some ways my curse. My mind races all my life, and I get high and it slows down a bit to where I feel normal. I'm tired of having two secret lives,- one I am a normal, kind busybody family man, the other- I've done some sleazy, violent, drug dealing crap. I know part of my addiction is the adrenalin high of playing a part in Detroit streets. I was a ln Ironworker for 6 years also. I loved the danger. But lately something just clicked and I'm giving up. I'm tired of everything anymore, I can't find the excitement in life. I just don't know what to do.....