Hello. I´m a thirdysomething years old logistics proffesional, father of several kids. I´ve been smoking Marihuana sporadically since I´m 19 but in the last (more or less) 18 months I just made an habit of it. Initially I found it so damn awesome: I´d smoke friday and saturday nights and then would listen to music, watch movies or work on my game design hobbies. It simply made things so much better. It boosts my creativity and managed to break a "block" i had hit for almost two years with my design stuff. I managed to make more progress in a couple of weeks than what i could make in a couple of years of just drinking coffe (it wasnt coffe per se but a native drink that is about the same). I later introduced my wife to it, we (been married for 12) began to have sex like the first months of relationship. It made me start doing sports, i lost 10kilos in a couple of months and got in my best shape. It really makes me think very deep and understand a lot of stuff. I´ve became a better husband, a better son and grandson (i visited my grandmothers for first time in years) and a more easygoing person. For all that time I couldn´t find a con for it except by the short memory problems the day after smoking and the freezer lootings in the midnight. I want to make clear that I´ve always smoked small doses. In the most extreme cases I´d smoke half joint per day (three or four days a week).
The reason of why I´ve starting to read these forums and to finally write about my experience is that lately It has become a not so great habit. The doses I usually smoke don´t seem enough to get me that high and after about 30minutes of smoking I begin to feel dissapointed because the good high doesnt last. I´ve also noticed I´m quite irritable the day after smoking, to the point that sometimes I dont know myself when I react in an irascible way to things I usually can manage calmly. I´ve also had a couple of obsessive/deppresive episodes that lasted me a couple of days, I couldn´t stop thinking of negative stuff or couldnt stop looking at people with mistrust. Once, even, I was so obsessed with my breath that I was worried that if i stopped breathing voluntarily, I´d choke.
I know drugs are bad but I´ve always been a stable person. In all my years I always knew when it was enough of something and I´m certain I will never fall on other drugs like cocaine. What I want to know if that any of you think that there´s a way to keep weed under control like I´ve been doing until a few months ago. For the record the two times I had these deppresive/obsessive episodese I stopped smoking for a whole week and then started with an even smaller dose.
The Idea of completely quitting weed sounds terribly sad for me. I know i can get back to the old "boring" way of listening to music or reading about science. But giving up the awesome sex or those amazing brainstorms for my design stuff will be a huge step back for me.
I want to thank to whoever has the will to read this post and reply to me. I wrote it being sober!