I just joined this forum last night, and I did it because I needed to reply to your post.
I was just like you once. I had a house, a husband, and 4 kids. We owned our own contracting company, and were fairly well off. I was a stay at home mom, my house was always clean, and I was a loving, attentive and damn good mother to my kids. On the outside, we looked like a happy, normal family. No one knew my husband was abusing me, and no one knew I was a meth addict. I started after the birth of my 4th baby. I had some weight I wanted to drop, and I told myself that as soon as I did, i'd quit. I lost the weight alright..60 lbs, but I didnt quit the meth. I was totally functional, just like you. I noticed the meth made it easier to deal with my husbands abusive "episodes", and that was how i rationalised my use. The next thing I knew, 5 years had gone by, and rarely did a day go by in all that time that i wasnt using. Long story short, I ended up in rehab, got clean, and finally divorced my abusive husband. I was clean for 5 years. Then, one day, I was offered a line, and i ended up using daily again. In the beginning , I was totally functional, and like you, ignorantly passed judgement on those "other" addicts. The ones you look at with disgust. I, like you, just knew i'd never be like them. Not me, I was too smart, and had it under control. That was almost years ago. I went from snorting, to smoking, then to using IV. I lost control and lost my kids, my house, my car...I lost everything. I looked in the mirror one day and it hit me hard that I had become one of "those" people..the ones I swore i'd never be. My behaviors were erratic, my resoning and impulse control were gone..all that i cared about was how much dope i had left. I was no longer functional. Now, i'm still fighting it. I have nothing left, and live with my boyfriend the house he owns, and shares with 2 dealers. I graduated from nursing school during my 5 years clean, and still havent taken my licensing exam. I rarely leave the house, and am on psyche meds for PTSD, severe depression, GAD, and a few other things. Just recently, my 3 adult kids told me I couldnt be a part of their lives anymore..until I get treatment. The guilt, and shame I feel is always there, yet I keep pushing back the date im scheduled to enter rehab. I have no money, and am unemployable. Why am I telling you this? Because I was just like you. I thought the way you do. I judged other addicts and thought of them as less than human. I was functional....I started just like you, and now, i've become the person i swore id never be. You, my dear are deep in denial and need help, or I can promise you, it will take you down, just like it did me. You say you're not like me...what I say is you're not like me YET.