For many, many years I have been battling with Alcoholism, and feelings of depression and especially anxiety / and dark worried thoughts.
I have tried many medications, SSRI's and simular anti-anxiety medications, none of then have helped.
I have a lot of anxious symptoms such as bitting my nails excessively and I prolifically grind my teeth- to the point that people keep complaining about it, I figit endlessly, and my thoughts are plague with worries and pessimistic thoughts most of the time.
Its not something easy to talk about.
For many, many years I have been drinking alcohol and smoking (to a lesser extent Marijuama). When I was younger my panic attacks were a lost worst, someone would shake my hand and I would worry some toxin would transfer to my hands. I have even vommited up various meals because they "tasted" funny and I thought they might be poisoned. Indeed even strange, foriegn odours can trigger panic in me.
I truly believe my main reason for drinking is for the short temporarily relief it provides, following by horrible mood swings and awful hungovers, I have developed Gastitis from my drinking, and i feel it is really ruining my health,
A friend if mine lent me some xanax- at first rationing it out to me to be sure i wouldnt abuse it.
It took about 5 days to find the idea dosage, gradually increasing the dose and I have found 8-10mg is the absolute optimal range. I have a lot of experience with a variety of depressents, and I just seem to have some natural resistance to them. I take 6mg in the evening and 2-4mg at lunchtime. I have been on them for over 7 weeks and they have totally tranformed my life. I am not worried and anious all the time, I feel more motivated to go out and clean my house, I have been so positive I have considered getting a job. I know Xanax is highly habit forming, but I don't believe that you fully adapt to all the positive effects, sure I would get withdrawal if I stoped suddenly. Strangely I have also found opiates very useful for me. I do NOT get high on opiates, I do NOT inject or snort drugs in any form, I always take them orally. I have become dependent on xanax and fentanyl and I am going the best I have EVER done in my life, even friends have commented how much more positive I am. I do not know why these medications help me, but I have been buying them on the black market. I tried to talk about my problems to a GP and within 5 minutes he has me out of his office to make an appointment to a psychogists ( for various reasons i dont like psychologists)..
I want to find a doctor who will put me on methadone maintance and also allow me to continue some benzodiazepines- I am especially interested in Clonazepam because it can be take only once daily.
I only have a few weeks of medication left and then I am gong to go into Xanax and Fentanyl withdrawal together. I am certainly not saying this is a solution for everyone, XANAX and OPIATES do NOT make me in any way euphoric or high, they just calm me down.
I used to have a psychiatrist that It hought would probably prescribe me some meds, but he has retired, and all the GP clinics have strict signs saying they will not prescribe benzos or opiates under ANY circunstances, I dont know what to do. I feel stable on these nedications to a a degree I havenever experienced before, I do not get compulsive urgers to use either Xanax or Fentanyl, and have kept to a strict daily routine of usage.
I want to find a doctor in Adelaide who can prescribe me methadone maintance and hopefully let me stay on the benzo's too (preferably clonazepam).
I have not drunk any alcohol in several weeks, and this is the longest I have gone in many years...
I am just interested in other peoples thoughts. I dont mind being dependent on a medication as long as I am not unreasonably forced into abrupt withdrawal.