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Need advice, possible abusive GF

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Need advice, possible abusive GF

Postby Harley513 » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:24 pm

Hello 1st time poster, I had a ton typed out and it all was lost so I will do a shorter version this time. I've been with this woman for 7 months and thought she was my dream woman at 1st. I had known her for about 13 years total but not super well. She currently doesn't have her kids because her ex filed a DV charge on her which got thrown out but she CPS got involved for neglect. She was being abused and the kids were seeing it and she wouldn't leave.

I have helped her with more than 10k in lawyer fees and fixed her totalled car, we also have a baby on the way. Knowing she's been through tough times I do my best to support her. She goes to court mandated counciling as part of the way she has to get her kids back and has completed her women helping women classes as well.

She is super controlling, insucure, and jealous. I can't have Facebook because she thinks I'm cheating, I walk with my head down at the stores because I don't want to be accused of looking at any woman. She surveys the area and if I happen to look anywhere near an attractive woman she goes off about it. If a cashier is someone she thinks is attractive I don't even talk to them because she will make a big deal of it when we get to the car. She has hit, kicked or choked me about 75 times over 12-13 different occurances.

This is one of those instances...

I get off work at 6:30 am, I get home by 7. This day is no different,I climb in bed by 7:05 and fall asleep. About 9:30 she wakes up and says: "something don't feel right, I think you're cheating on me!" I assure her I'm not as I have never cheated on anyone. She makes a few more childish remarks before exiting the room and I eventually fall back asleep until about noon. I had a couple things to do around the house and I wanted to take her to her doctors appointment at 3pm.

I get up and she's maintaining her additive and standoffish demeanor, says she doesn't want me to go with her. I convince her to let me go so I can be there for her and she agrees. We start heading down the street and I turn the radio to her favorite station and turn it up enough that it's audible but still easy to communicate. Within seconds she changes the station to a station she doesn't even like it turns it up pretty loud. Shortly after I turn it down slightly so I can ask her if she would like some coffee before we go to the appointment and she goes off on me before I can even say anything! She said "let me out! I will f***ing walk!" She opens the door and we are doing 45-50mph! I pull over to let her out to keep the situation from escalating any further and she starts walking. I finally convince her to get back in so I can drop her off at the car so she's not late and she gets in. Big mistake! We get back up to speed(55mph) and she grabs me by the face and pushes it hard and then punches me in the side of the head and in the mouth. I tell her she could have killed us or someone else and then she throws a full water bottle into my face... we get home and I'm still trying to calm her down and let me take her, I'm standing outside my truck and she's still in it talking to each other and she throws the water bottle into my face again... I eventually convince her to let me take her and we go and don't speak line Rj entire way there with the exception of a few rude comments from her...

She has threatened to kill me if I ever try to get custody of the child and she threatens to kill herself a couple times a week. I've had to take knives from her and hide my guns and everything, I'm hoping for some good advice, thank you all in advance.
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Re: Need advice, possible abusive GF

Postby Harley513 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:33 am

She was drinking heavily shortly after we started dating and she got physical on a few occasions and was being very mean verbally as well. She said she was drinking as a way to help her deal with her problems. I had enough of it after a couple months and I broke up with her. She wrote me a letter convincing me to give her another chance and that she would stop drinking and later in the letter she informed me that she was pregnant. Things seemed much better for a while, she is still not drinking but the physical and emotional abuse is back to the same levels as when she was drinking nearly.

I forgot to add this in my 1st post, sorry.
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Re: Need advice, possible abusive GF

Postby seabreezeblue » Wed Aug 02, 2017 2:41 pm

Not possible abuse.. absolute definite abuse, and i'm so sorry that you've ended up in that situation Harley :|


I don't know what to say to you here.. because all I really want to say is ''run!!''.. get away from there, and go for custody of the baby when it's born.
and it sounds to me like you're hoping for some advice that would help you to stop your partner from doing this to you..

I think the only thing that's going to stop her is fear of the consequences - because she clearly doesn't care that she's hurting you.. and she's clearly not sorry - far from it in fact.. she believes she's justified in acting that way to you.
She has hit, kicked or choked me about 75 times over 12-13 different occurances.


That is massively massively scary - you've been with her only 7 months, and she's hurt you that many times already.. and in some of the instances, it was pure luck that you didn't die :(

I know you probably want to fix things.. and you desperately want her to go back to being your dream woman.. but she's never been that woman.. she was just pretending for whatever reasons she had.


If you had a friend in the same situation, and he/she had written the posts that you have here, what would you say to them?
Or.. if a family member/your child was in the same situation.. what would you say to them? xx
Shine me a light up
and i'll run round the moon..



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Re: Need advice, possible abusive GF

Postby Harley513 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 2:19 am

Thank you for the reply, most of the punches don't leave marks or anything but it hurts me more mentally more than anything else. She doesn't seem to understand why I haven't actively been trying to have sex with her in the last few days and is lashing out saying I'm cheating and this and that.

I am hoping there is a way to stop her from doing this but I fear that this may be a cycle, if I call the police this could keep her from getting her kids back... it sounds like leaving my be my only option unfortunately. She doesn't seem to think what she's been doing is a very big deal but it is to me.
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