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Finally leaving an abusive (emotional and physical) marriage

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Finally leaving an abusive (emotional and physical) marriage

Postby Mimixx » Thu May 18, 2017 8:33 pm

Hello everyone I just want to share that after 3 years I am finally courageous enough to leave this abusive relationship, the icing on the cake was a wekk ago when i got yelled at and Hit infront of our toddler who got squished in the middle! the fight was over something dumb.
anyways i am done with his abusiveness and yelling and hitting!
the cycle was so crazy with him, that right now he knows i am leaving and is acting like the victim, how im the one whos breaking it off and its my fault etc... acting loving and nice , but i am not falling for it
I am still too scared to tell people about it, i only told two of my close friends.
it pisses me off how his parents think its my fault and his friends too! but i dont care i dont want any fights i am just saving up enough money to move out and get my own place.

ask me for any questions.
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Re: Finally leaving an abusive (emotional and physical) marriage

Postby Tinatina » Sun May 21, 2017 10:25 pm

Hi Mimixx,

I’m really happy to hear that you’re leaving your abusive relationship. I recently left one as well, and although it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, it was also the best thing I’ve ever done.

The guy I left was emotionally and physically abusive for nearly 6 years, and he did the exact same thing, trying to make me feel guilty for leaving. And it worked, I felt so terrible that I was hurting him. But what you have to do is take a step back and think about all the times he’s hurt you. Why is okay for him to hurt you, but as soon as you do it, you’re a bitch? It’s not okay for him to hurt you, and you’re not a bitch, you’ve given him chance after chance and he continues to take advantage of you and hurt you.

You said that you told him, but you’re too scared to tell anyone else. I urge you to tell others. This will hold you accountable. I was the same, I wouldn’t tell anyone, and then I was able to pretend like nothing happened and stay. The day I left was the day I told my Mom I was leaving, and I knew that once she knew, there was no going back. She kept me strong and pushing forward. People will support you, you just have to be open and tell them what’s going on.

You said you’re saving money to go. Just go. Seriously, you and your child aren’t in a safe place. You’re risking both of your lives by staying. Get out and go anywhere, back to your parents, with friends, or to a woman’s shelter. Just get out. It’s important as well that you leave when he isn’t home. Leaving is the most dangerous time because the abuser has nothing left to lose. This is when victims are at the highest risk for injury or death, so you need to plan. Pack some stuff when he isn’t home and stash it in your car. And once you go, go to the police.

If you don’t leave now, and he hits you again, call the police. I wondered if I’d over reacted by involving the police in my situation, but they assured me that I’d done the right thing. I think as victims we become desensitised to the severity of the situation. If he is physically violent with you, call the police, you’re not over reacting. And if he’s behaving that way, he deserves to have the police called on him.

If you’re interested, I posted a thread about my story and how I got out. I think it might help you. http://www.psychforums.com/domestic-abuse/topic195344.html

Tina Tina
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