Okay, so background..
I am 24. My husband is 27. We have been together from I was 16, married at 21, and just recently had my first baby who I absolutely adore. My husband had always had a 'temper' even before we were married, however the abuse only escalated after we were married (around 6 months after at the beginning of 2015).
I started a new job at the beginning of 2015, and he became increasingly more paranoid and sceptical about men who I worked with. Every friend request was questioned, I was forced to delete some people off my social media just to hear the end of it. I went on nights out (only a couple) but each time I was pestered about who I was with/who they were/did I fancy them/did they fancy me. This continued throughout 2015, and escalated into more furious outbursts which were fuelled with jealousy. Arguments turned physical, and although the 'hitting' only remained at shoving or pushing and throwing objects at me, he started to scare me a lot, and my confidence was at an all-time low. I sunk into a really deep depression by the end of 2015.
At my 2015 work Christmas party, just a week after my friends had encouraged me to leave him due to his behaviour, I had ended up in bed with somebody else. I felt incredibly guilty, yet felt wanted properly for the first time in a long time. I came clean, and my husband and I were on pretty rocky ground for a while, but he decided to forgive me and give our marriage another go. I thought he would have listened to what my problems/concerns were and that our relationship could hopefully improve, but it didn't - it got worse, and my depression and own behaviour became worse. I found myself for the first 5 months of 2016, having countless one night stands and depending on alcohol to block out the tirade of emotional abuse I was receiving on a countless basis at home. I was deeply unhappy but far too chipped down to feel I had the strength to walk away. He again, found out about my behaviour and said he would forgive (again!) but this was the last chance. I got myself on some anti depressants and seeked medical help at this stage as I became increasingly more numb and my work also suffered.
I quickly became pregnant after the reconciliation, and although it was a surprise I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel - that his behaviour would improve and we could concentrate on our 'family'. During the pregnancy, he improved a lot - although still brought up the cheating to guilt trip me out of any argument that was brought up. I thought we had turned a page (finally).
Fast forward to labour day - I am sitting in intense pain, and the paranoia and abuse starts again. He checks my phone and finds a message from someone asking how I am - immediately I get accused and he starts shouting around the hospital ward and pushing me down onto the bed so I couldn't leave. After the baby is born, he took an extreme huff after the nurse told him no visitors were allowed to see the baby - which was so bad that the midwife pulled my mum over and talked to her about it and I received a quiet chat off record about domestic violence and abusive partners. The midwife actually told my mum to keep an eye on me as she didn't trust my husband judging by his behaviour. We go home, and when he goes back to work I am plagued every single day with accusations that I have been seeing other people. I went back to running again (which is my hobby) and he actually timed me then when I was ten minutes late, waited outside in the street, in the freezing cold with the baby and started fighting with me in the middle of the street.
The fights started again, more intense than they were before. Arguments - aggressive ones, on an almost daily basis. He no longer wants me to go running on my own - he wants to go with me 'in case I run off with somebody else that I meet'. My mood has started going down again, and I'm starting to feel incredibly sad again. He had an argument where the threw an empty bottle at me and some rubbish in front of the baby and another where he threw a pillow aggressively at me when I was in bed, and after that I noticed my old behaviour coming back when I ended up in the arms of one of my male friends. I think I have let this behaviour continue because I have yet to be physically hurt with this aggressive behaviour but now I am becoming increasingly more concerned about the baby and how he will grow up to witness this.
Anytime I bring up that I am leaving the relationship, he starts to remind me of all the bad things that I have done - that I am not an innocent person and that I am lucky he has stayed with me. He then goes on about how much he loves me and would do anything for us and he acts this way because he loves me 'too much' or as he calls it - 'passionate'.
I don't know what to do, as I can't take constant arguing around the baby at this stressful time in my life. I have stronger feelings also developing for my male friend which I'm finding harder and harder to ignore and set aside then I start to feel like I am guilty and a bad person. I know that my behaviour is wrong as well and not fair but I'm finding it extremely difficult to find any way out. I also don't know whether I should stay and support and suggest that he seeks help for his temper and anger issues in the hope that it will help.
Any outside advice would be much appreciated because I feel as though I can't ask family members etc as they are biased.