So lately I have been going really crazy. I have started to really not like my parents and have even dreamt about running away from home. I feel like even though I think they might love me, I just can't agree with anything they do or say. They stereotype white people and to me have become really racist which makes me frustrated . But if I try to tell them they would probably just yell at me, not listen to a word I say, and be angry. They don't let me and my sisters do anything. We can't be independent when we're with them.
I'm 16 and she still washes my face. My little sister is 12 and my mom still takes her shower . Even though my little sister has stated that she wants do it herself my mom says she will get around to it but never does. Her and my stepdad fight a lot and she complains to us like we are her marriage counselors. She says all this bad stuff about him and now none of us like him much. Then days later they get cozy and giggle at each other and expect us to do so to.
I have become lazy and spoiled because she won't let us do chores ( we have asked her). I want to experience thing so like that too. I have acne and she insists on popping my pimples and does not want to hear it when we say it is not helping and just makes things worse. She does it every day and it hurts really bad. Like daily torture. They can be very mean and gets angry at us for the tiniest things. My older sister stole candy (from our pantry) when she was younger and she got kicked out of her room and called a devil. I got yelled at for righting a letter to my mom when I was younger telling her we were afraid of her and she kept bringing it up. Even years later saying how disappointed she wasn't in me. I'm seriously about to run away to South Korea.
However, sometimes I can't help but feel like a bad person. It's true that I have no motivation and determination possibly because of my mom but she has been through tough times and she buys us things and I really think she cares about us. Sometimes I hate myself for thinking these horrible things and wonder why God would create a person like me. I wonder if I can ever be a nice person. If she ever saw this post I am pretty sure she would do one of two things or both: get angry at me (unimaginabley angry) or say she wants to kill herself. At least that's what I think from experience.
As for the crazy part, I don't have many people to talk to and if I talk to my sisters it has to be in secret. So not many opportunities there. Sometimes I get so angry that I don't even care if I'm being a bad person. My whole mood changes and I worried I could turn into psychopath. Sometimes I think of killing myself on really bad days but I'm a scaredy cat so that's no going to happen.
Anyway so I guess this got long. Sorry. Please if you can or want to just talk to me, give advice , anything. If I have to hold this in any longer I'll spontaneously combust. Also please answer this question. Am I right or wrong? Totally your opinion. Thank you.