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I cannot prove abuse

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I cannot prove abuse

Postby wilamo » Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:17 pm

I have been the victim of physical, verbal and emotional abuse since 2010. The thing is I cannot prove it. My wife even says I'm the one that abused her and people tend to believe her. Whenever abuse is mentioned it's usually the man who abuses the woman. I don't agree but as mentioned before it's hard to prove.

The only thing I have is text messages she has sent me. They are sometimes abusive.

I was wondering if there is someone whom I could show a couple of messages to and if it were possible to determine if the sender is abusive or not?
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby seabreezeblue » Sat Nov 01, 2014 1:32 am

hiya..

Really difficult situation and i have to agree; women are automatically seen as the innocent party.. it takes an awful lot more effort to persuade people that the woman is the issue than it does to get them to believe the same about a man.

As for showing texts to someone on here; it would be a much much better idea for you to take your phone along to a solicitor or the police for them to give a proper answer..


Do you think that they prove that your wife is abusive..? If your friend had received those same texts from his girlfriend/wife.. what exactly would you say to him?
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby LifeAndSound » Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:26 am

Hi wilamo,

I just want you to know that you are not alone.
I cannot automatically take a side since that is the source of the problem, that people automatically choose to side with the female in a relationship.

I showed video evidence of my sister chasing and hitting me, but no one cared.
She used to hit me in the face and throat every sunday night and monday morning to sabotage my success at work, so it was easy to set my cellphone to continuously record video to record the abuse.

People automatically believe that a man will retaliate and hit back, but this is a delusion. Many men can stay calm throughout altercations and allow himself to be hit without becoming angry.

People also believe that a man has the power to leave a relationship, therefore it is the man's fault for being victimized.

If you receive little emotional support, it is mainly important to know that you are not alone.
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby wilamo » Tue Oct 13, 2015 9:34 pm

seabreezeblue wrote:Really difficult situation and i have to agree; women are automatically seen as the innocent party.. it takes an awful lot more effort to persuade people that the woman is the issue than it does to get them to believe the same about a man.


The only thing a woman has to do is lie and cry and she is believed. I'm speaking from experience.

Fortunately lies always come out so people are beginning to see she is always lying. And then they start wondering: maybe this guy is right...
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby wilamo » Tue Oct 13, 2015 9:36 pm

LifeAndSound wrote:I just want you to know that you are not alone.


That means a lot, LifeAndSound. Thank you.

What happened to you and your sister? Did she get caught in the end?
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby Terry E. » Wed Oct 21, 2015 2:20 am

In my fathers case she would open him up, but he made excuses to cover it. Lots of social pressure for guys to not claim abuse even when it is so evident.
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:22 pm

The only thing a woman has to do is lie and cry and she is believed. I'm speaking from experience.

Fortunately lies always come out so people are beginning to see she is always lying. And then they start wondering: maybe this guy is right...


yep.. i hear that and i'm really really sorry that you've come across that seriously crappy aspect of the gender rubbish.. :(
I'm really glad though that people are starting to see the lies - that doesn't often happen, usually the abuser is far more skilled at keeping it within the family unit.

My mother was the abusive one in our household but the neighbours always thought it was our step-dad.. :roll:
I put one of them straight a few years ago and she still looked sceptical and as though i was lying.. *yawn*

How are you doing now wilame.?
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby wilamo » Mon Nov 09, 2015 9:18 pm

seabreezeblue wrote:
How are you doing now wilame.?


It's hard. It's really, really very hard. I have 2 small kids and I have them a week and she has them a week. People say I should be happy. But knowing they are with a violent and mentally ill mother makes 'her' week very difficult for me.

Seabreeze, can you have a look at my post how to inform my kids about separation?
http://www.psychforums.com/marriage-divorce/topic169624.html
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Re: I cannot prove abuse

Postby honestrosewater » Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:40 am

Depending on what state you are in, there might be laws that require a psychological assessment when requested for the purpose of child custody decisions. I believe this is the case in NJ, for example. I only know of this being the case in divorce proceedings, but it might be possible to get a hearing even after a divorce, if there is new reason for concern.

Have you looked into this? (What state are you in?) Do you have a lawyer?

There are several psychological assessments that might be used. If you find out which one would be used, you can possibly get ahold of it (sometimes they are unavailable to the public, though) and see if your ex has the dangerous/harmful traits.

Of course, this kind of action could aggravate the situation, so you have to consider if it's worth the risk.
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