Memories and amnesia

I'm not sure what is normal recall for childhood. When I think back, I can remember at least a bit of every school year. Whether it's recalling my teacher(s) or remembering something general but rather important, like a time when i was at home sick for months with measles or German measles (I don't know the difference). I kept my report cards, so I would check and see for that year I had a huge number of absences. I remember getting yelled at for not getting A's and thinking something like, how was I supposed to do well when I wasn't there?

I do remember parts of the days of graduation days. It seems like a normal amount of memory to me. How much do people usually remember? How do kids mark time in their memories, generally. From the years you do recall.

Let's take being 9. I know what grade I was in and what school. I remember my teacher's name and what she looked like (I went to hs with her son and saw her then, too, so that helps with the looks). I remember a day sitting in class doing the most boring assignment ever. Oh, and I remember my "after school program" which for that year was just me in a room being handed a book. lol I loved the beginning of it, but then just daydreamed after that. I guess there was no funding for a teacher for me that year. (that's another story)

I don't have a way of figuring out if I am aware of time at home, though. Do kids even have landmark moments? I remember some things that happened, but I can't pinpoint the age. Like sitting outside in the back yard, being locked out of the house. But I just know it was a regular thing for awhile, not sure what age.

Let me put this in perspective though. Up until a year or two ago, I've always thought I had a stellar memory. It's been photographic and got me far in school. If I read something, later I can see what was on the page to retrieve information. It's not 100% recall, but I learned that most people don't do that. I also remember conversations -- probably because I relive them often, mulling over what I should have said or other changes.

When I try to remember when abuse by (one certain family member) started, I can only give a general age span, but don't recall the first incidences. But doctors have supposed that part of my inability to let go of the past is that I remember too much. I remember seeing many scary things that served as a threat to me if I were ever to mess up like my siblings.

Throughout the day, I see these images like I did then. I'm just eyes in these memories. I don't know what I was wearing, if my hair was short or long, I just see it play out in front of me like it did then. i don't go into a panic or hours of daze like i used to when triggered by a reminder. I don't know if these are both considered flashback. Sorry, I've gotten off point a bit into PTSD land, but my point was that I remember incidences that the victims do not recall.

These days, I also have times when I look at my watch, and what seems like 5 or maybe even 20 minutes later, it's actually 4 hrs later. I get confused often about what day of the week it is and keep skipping a day, but people say it's just because i'm not working. But I have missed more than half the appointments I've made in the last few months and I can't figure out why I don't remember having appts like i used to. I've never written down a lot of reminders on calendars, but I still used to get places, even if it was a last minute "oh yeah! I'm supposed to be somewhere in an hour! gotta hurry"

Before I stumbled on the possibility of DID or DDnos, i bought a watch that can beep every hour. I thought it would help, but it's a bit disruptive when I do sleep.

so overall, I'm not sure if I have normal memory, more memories than non-traumatized children, or fewer memories.

Ok here's another thing that I'm confused about. Where does the time go when certain things happen, like: When people in public are so happy to see me again! and I apologize and say I'm so sorry, but I don't know you. The last time she went on to say don't you remember talkig to us, and I started to say that maybe she had me confused with someone else, but then she glanced at my unnaturally colored hair and I just stopped and said I'm sorry, i don't remember you. Other times, I've been told "oh yeah, saw you last time you were here" right as I'm saying "oh this is what this place is like" (because I'm seeing it for the first time.

These things don't happen to me every month, but lets say it's due to dissociation and not just being mistaken. let's just stretch it to that If so, where did time go? I don't recall losing time in public. If I did have a conversation with that woman, for example, wouldn't I have another corresponding glitch in where I was or what I had been doing?

Thanks

I can relate to what you are saying. I also have PTSD as well as fibromyalgia - both of which have memory issues so I am not sure what is causing memory loss for me. My existing conditions or the DiD/DDNOS (I haven't been Dx)

I lose days of time. I can't remember basic things like what I ate for dinner last night or conversations that I have had. Someone will tell me that I told them something or agreed to something but I will have no memory of it. My daughter especially. I lose hours of time occasionally as well. I will think that it's one time and realize that woah, it's a few hours later. That generally happens when I am alone though.

I have serious issues with remembering appointments. I write them on a calendar and on the calendar in my phone. I have to then go into my calendar every night and set alarms and timers for everything so that I can remember that I have the appointment, remember to get ready for it and remember when I have to actually leave to get there on time. It's frustrating to say the least but I think that I have pretty much worked out a way of coping.

There are large gaps of memory in my childhood as well. I remember a lot of things but definitely not as much as I think I should. The memories are sporadic but clear. Occasionally I will have a flashback but not often.

I know that this doesn't help much but you are certainly not alone.

Often when we lose time we do not notice this has happened.

One common clue that we have experienced massive lost time is finding blank spots in our memory of places where we lived or worked for years. That is not normal. For example I still remember the interior layout of all but one school I attended. That one is a void. I became aware of the void the year after I graduated, visiting the campus. It was as if the school building was a facade, a shell with an empty void inside.

Apparently in that middle school I played soccer on a team, but I have no memory of that either. At the start of high school a bunch of girls approached me about playing soccer. They were strangers to me but they all knew my name. And it turned out that I was a good soccer player. Who knew? Not me.

I did not see any connection between those two odd experiences, the school building void and the mysterious way I go recruited to play soccer, until I was already months into therapy last year and working on an inventory of lost times.