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Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

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Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyHearts » Sat Oct 13, 2012 8:40 pm

Eum, what it started with was the problems at school I guess. We told some friends about DID, they could choose if they wanted to talk to the host, to some alters or to everyone. and they could change what they chose if they didn't like it. Yet they all said "everyone" and a few days ago they suddenly all siad no one. One of the friends also told the school about DID, it made claire cry so I got really angry, but jeff kept calming me down. susan had a talk with the class at school about DID, that it is not dangerous or uncontrolable but that is is protective and understandable.

We worked as a trainee at a school, and that one friend made sure the story of DID got to that school, even though susan was really clear in saying it is not dangerous and why. because of that story we got kicked out of the school, we didn't even got a chance to do our story. now we can't find another place to work as a trainee, because of that one person. I hate her.

Jeff's mom got really angry with us, because claire told her that she was going to stop with studying, she didn't want to be a teacher anymore. Jeff's mother started screaming and stuff like that and I got scared and I had to cry, so I got in front and ran away from home. I went to jeff's dad, he lives somewhere else, and stayed there for over a week, now we had to go back to jeff's mother and I am really really scared and I don't want to leave my room anymore.

Claire now wants to study psychology, and because of that most of us have to get over the trauma we got because of the friend who told everyting she is going to study at home. there is a special school in our country and that school sends us all the books and we can study at home without going to school. we only have to go to school once in a month and we have to make tests at school.

It hurts me and it scares me, I don't want to be a problem to anyone....
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby doe-eyed » Sun Oct 14, 2012 4:51 am

(swan)
Datenshi wrote: I don't want to be a problem to anyone....
You are most certainly not a problem to anyone. You deserve to exist, you deserve to be.
I am truly sorry to hear that this person breached your trust. The real problem here is the lack of open-mindedness in the general community about mental disorders of all kinds, especially dissociation, and a culturally instilled fear.
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby tomboy24 » Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:39 am

If I knew or saw this motherf*#king f*#ker, I'd f*#king make them pay for what they f*#king did to you and your system. They'd regret ever even thinking about f*#king breathing a single f*#king word.

Ok. Got that out of my system. Now then, I agree with Swan completely. It sucks @$$ that this person did this to you- but that's exactly what it was. THEY did something, TO you. You are not a problem, and you should NOT have to hide, and you should certainly not have been kicked out of school. (That just-ngh. Yeah, ngh. That's how much that f*#king p*sses me off). It's the lack of understanding, open-mindedness, intelligence, and even acceptance of society and people in general that's to blame for all this sh*t (well, and that one motherf*#ker). NOT you or how you are. You are perfectly fine the way you are, and I like you the way you are. All of us do in here.

I'm sorry Jeff's mom reacted in such a f*#king b*tchy way. Not cool. But don't let her get to you, ok? Just ignore her and all the bullsh*t she pulls.

If you feel that studying from school would be great for you, go for it. But if you feel you're simply doing this to avoid resolving that issue and to let this betrayer "win", then I'd say it'd probably be better to try and face school head-on again. A new school. Fresh start, fresh new people, clean slate. You know? But it's your call. I'd just hate to see you let this obstacle become permanent instead of just too difficult to deal with now (hope that makes sense). I don't want you turning a speed bump into an impassable mountain, basically.

*safe hug if wanted* Again, sorry you have to go through all this bullsh*t.

-KAT
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyHearts » Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:28 am

Thank you Swan and Kat, it helped a bit but I am still very scared :(
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby doe-eyed » Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:13 pm

Do you have a safe place you can stay while you sort this out mentally? Living in a safe and calm environment is vitally important. Jeff's mom's behavior is completely inappropriate and very concerning to me. I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to leave your room. Is staying with Jeff's dad safer? Any friends you can stay with for a little while? Fear of Jeff's mom is likely compounding all the anxiety and fear you already feel regarding what happened at school.

Best wishes,

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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyHearts » Sun Oct 14, 2012 7:50 pm

I do not have any friends on the outside :(
I only have Jeff on the inside, he is nice to me
Jeff's dad is nice, but I don'tlike it there very much because he has a dog and I am afraid of dogs :(

Thank you for being so kind Owl, even though some of your words were a bit hard to understand :)
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby doe-eyed » Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:09 pm

Please ask about any words that are hard to understand. I don't want to be hard to understand.

"vital" is another word for 'important'

"compounding" means "adding to" so if something is "compounding" your problems, it is adding to them, or making them worse.

Also, we may not live nearby, but we will gladly be your friend if that is something you would like.

A mature adult should not yell at you.

Datenshi wrote:because claire told her that she was going to stop with studying, she didn't want to be a teacher anymore.
Datenshi wrote:Claire now wants to study psychology,

Changing interests is a common thing when going to college, especially if you have DID.

Datenshi wrote:there is a special school in our country and that school sends us all the books and we can study at home without going to school. we only have to go to school once in a month and we have to make tests at school.

How do the rest of you, besides Claire, feel about doing school this way?
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyHearts » Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:31 am

I didn't understand compounding

the rest is positive about doing school that way, because we can do things our way and we don't have to keep teachers or students in mind, so it is safe to be ourselves
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby ManyHearts » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:38 pm

Susan had send a mail to the school where we were a trainee. She got a mail back today. In the mail the boss of that school said something like "I will not answer your questions" but it might be not exactly the same words.

I got really angry, and really sad too. I hate humans now a bit
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Re: Everything going downhill **Big Trigger Warning**

Postby galaxies » Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:04 am

I think I would have a little revenge on this person who spoke the secret. Outing as multiple is much the same as crossing rushing water through slippery rock, and I am not certain there is a shore. It is strange to me how they would reject you and yours, and to act with such regard for manipulation. It is curious, the giving of one's word in friendship, when such words are often broken by their own. I apologize for it being thus.
Magdella a'Lilit


I am so mad for what these people have done to all of you.
I believe strongly that we multiples should push for acceptance.
Most people on this earth, I think, know two views of multiplicity: Sybil as the first, and cliché horror-film serial killers as the second.
There are hardly any positive representations of multiplicity out there.
It saddens me that people would aim to take away your own personhood - and I could cry from frustration that they would pin scarlet labels to your chest: "delusional, dangerous, daydreams".
It was so very brave of you to open yourselves to these people.
It horrifies me how they have reacted.
We multiples should not have to masquerade as singletons: we deserve to live, to love, to parent, to teach, to be free and to really be ourselves.
It's hardly living to play as one under a blank face and incorrect name.
I truly respect your courage and sincerely hope in the future your honesty will be accepted with kindness instead of cruelty.
In Light and Love,
Linn


Life is totally sucky this way. It's a sh*t ratio for who will accept us as an uncloseted multiple. It's unfair and bullsh*t. We've lost a couple friends by coming "out of the closet". I'll admit I was reduced to a sniveling mess for a few days. It totally sucks! But people are dickwad f*ckwit idiots sometimes. Even so, pretending to be a singlet to pass through life is maybe even more dangerous than facing rejection. It's really tiring. After a handful of successes and buckets of failures in terms of coming out DID it's my lesson to prepare for the worst but hope for the best when you come out. Maybe some of these people's sh*tty ignorance will shrink in time. I have a friend I'll call Bean and I worked up to telling her because my flat-out "Hey so guess who is Multiple?" went over horribly. I started with "I hear voices in my head". A few months later "These voices have names and ages and likes and dislikes" and a few months later "Also you've met some of them and they'd like to know you separately, kaythanksbye" and she totally grooved with it. Which was WAY different from when I said "YO! Bean! I'm not (body's name) - I'm Cleo and you've never met (the body's name) because they don't exist! I'm multiple!" which freaked her out. She asked lots of questions later and I guess if you start with the basics like fights over how Kitty wants frosted flakes but Jade wants yoghurt and Lola wants to wear boots but Gem wants to wear sneakers, people tend to think "Ohh- not spooky". Some people have little minds that can't fit DID into their brainspace as something true or not delusional. It's hard not to hate them for it, but then it's really a case of their foolishness, so I just pity them instead. Some people just can't get it, just like some people can't handle Differential Equations or advanced physics. Give yourselves time to let off some steam about this. These people were really sh*tty to all of you and I'd want to FLIP OUT which wouldn't help the case at all. Take some time to grieve or beat the sh*t out of something (hopefully non-living) and relax and work out all the emotions. I am really sorry they were such f*cking idiots! And we hope school goes well. This alternative sounds okay but I wish people weren't morons so you could just be yourselves and not have to quarantine. You should pick what you want, and Jeff’s mom can s*ck it. At least you aren’t saying “F*ck school, I am going to be a traveling electric harmonica player in a 80s-dance-party-meets-folk band and in my spare time, invent a line of waterproof motorized paper airplanes” because those are basically two hopeless careers, but switching majors? Not really on the same arena. Lady needs a reality check. I can NOT believe I am going to say this, but in the words of Hannah Montana: "Life is what you make it. So let's make it rock." You all are great! Anyone who is giving you crap is mental.
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