Hello tripmix, and welcome! You seem like a very kind and understanding person to want to help someone you only know by email, and I think you've come to the right place. This site has been a huge help to me and others, so hopefully it'll be of some help to you.
This can be a very delicate situation to people with possible DID, especially if they don't believe they have it. Even if you're able to convince one personality that they may have DID, another one might still refuse to believe or may simply just not know at all that they may have such a thing. So you're right to approach this with caution.
If I were you, I'd start saving your emails/conversations if you haven't already. Save as much as you can, especially ones with memory problems, different names, anything that's as convincing as it can be. Highlight areas that are especially convincing, such as the different names, and let her see the forwarding addresses and such so that it might help her to see that she sent them. You could even save replies from you to show her that this is a conversation you two have been having. Along with that, gather some good links that explain what DID is, how it's caused, symptoms of it, etc. Make sure that they're credible, easy to understand, and are very clear. Sometimes people simply need to read about something that they've been experiencing for it to "click" and make sense to them. Also, you may want to include this site. Let her know that she can ask questions herself on here and get other peoples' opinions, ones who know about DID and who have DID themselves. I don't think I would include this posting though, because she might view it as you going behind her back or something.
With all of that collected, write her an email expressing your feelings first. Let her know that you care about her, that you're worried about her, and that you simply want to make sure she's ok. Be completely clear that you don't think she's crazy, you don't think there's something "wrong" with her, you just want to help her with her memory gaps and you think you may know why she's been forgetting things and such. If she doesn't remember forgetting such things, let her know that she has been very forgetful lately and that you have proof (the email conversations). Also make it clear that you don't and won't judge her, you won't stop being her email friend, and that you simply want her to read some stuff you've gotten together that you think she needs to see. Let her know that it would mean a lot to you if she read it, and that you only want her to read it; there's no pressure to agree with it or anything. Above all, there should be no pressure, she should be able to read it whenever she wants, and she should know that you only want to help her figure out why she's forgetting such things so often.
It sounds to me like she's in a bit of denial, so try to not dump all of this on her at once. Let her know that you want to talk and that you don't want it to end in a fight or anything, you have no intentions of insulting her or making her feel bad, and you don't presume to fully know her since she is an email friend. Make it clear to her that you are not trying to push any of your opinions on to her, nor do you assume that you know all and are right about everything. And start slow. Tell her that you want to talk, let her know your feelings about the situation, and then start sending the evidence slowly, with possible discussions inbetween about what you've sent to her.
Some people are in denial about the possibility of having DID, and they'll just need to eventually wake up on their own. Some personalities are designed to protect against the knowledge of DID, and they'll brashly deny it or refuse to believe it. Sometimes, you just have to wait until the mind feels safe enough and ready enough to face the truth. Do you know if she's in a safe environment? I know you don't know too much about her, but do you know if she's being abused now or is she away from all of that? Because if she's not in a safe environment, or at least a safer one than where the abuse happened, that'll just help the denial to be stronger. (Such as, does she still live at home with possibly abusive parents?)
If she reacts with denial and anger towards all of this, drop the subject. Keep the evidence and the sites, but let it be for a bit. Stay in contact and keep being her friend, but let the subject cool down for a while and don't push it. Perhaps remind her once in a while that you have stuff you'd like her to read, but that's it. Like I said, sometimes people have to wake up on their own, and even though it's frustrating, all you can do is be there for them and wait.
I hope this is helpful to you, and I hope others chime in for advice for you. Whatever you decide to do, proceed carefully, and make sure that you're clear and honest with her and that she knows you only care about her and want to help. Best of luck to you!
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |