My name Amy.... sorta, it's my nick name.. my real name Angelique. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and & Dissociation Disorder, the doctor that diagnosis me stated he thinks I may have DID because of how I reacted to my husband arrest and my own attempted murder. (which I don't remember at all, but the day it happened on the recording *police interview*, I was cold calm and collected and talked like I had no feelings what so ever. I was very matter effect) I stopped going after that, because I was only going to prove I wasn't lying about not remembering. I seem to function better then most in day to day life. No matter what happened, I seem to be fine... like when I start to cry... is normally when I start blacking out. Which happens more and more recently....
I am the oldest female child of two drug addicts. the oldest female with 9 younger half siblings, and one older full brother. When I was three I was put in foster care. The report there said I was molested when I was with my real mom.... but I don't have any memory or that, or when I got raped by my foster dad when I was 5. I honestly don't remember. When I was 8 I went to live with my paternal grandma, who was very mental and physically abusive. I at that point was responsible for most of my siblings. I remember bits and piece after that... but more the time I felt like a robot. and don't think my memory issues have anything to do with DID.
When I got into middle school... I stopped using the name Angelique or Angel and went by Amy, after another sexual assult that I do remember (by my own birth father, when he went after my half sister who isn't is) I refused the name he gave me. And reinvented myself. My friends said I scared them. I was smart, outgoing and kind at school... but around my family I always did 180% where I was more of a shy and defensive.. the other scary thing is I wouldn't remember anything about home when I was at school... Even my friends that knew both sides (that was two) said I would scare them cause no matter how bad things got at home or how much I was crying or physically hurt, I "played" prefect at school.
When I was 16/17.... I noticed more changes, at times I would tell my friends my name was Kai & switch back and forth between the name Amy & the name Kai. This was after I had my first child. & ran from a really abusive relationship.
I don't remember anything from 18-20.
When I turned 21 my paternal grandmother killed herself on my 21st birthday.... and right after that, I completely snapped. My husband was deployed. and putting me through hell.... mentally and emotionally. I had two boys at this point. I blacked out for about a month. But I went under the name Kai, and it freaked my best friend Joshua out. He said she was cold & heartless.
I already explained to you the other thing when my husband got arrested......
Now I am 24.... and going through hell, but I haven't blacked out yet.... I last time I blacked out was 22. But I am starting to dazz.... and the more my ex husbands family keeps prying into my life and harnessing me... about my kids and my newborns. the more I start to go in and out and not act like myself. But I remember, it just more like..... watching myself do it... but I do remember. Joshua positive I have DID.
The other thing is..... I think I may have another... side. I just don't know how to figure it out. I don't want anyone to know in my life.... but would like some help with people that have it too. I know I should get therapy. But I can't afford it, and I am very secretive about myself. I don't trust people. But I know I need help. Between my ex's family messing with me... and everything. Just can't get it here
Last edited by Borg
on Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added a Trigger Warning
Amy (Host, ANP)
Kai (protector, EP)
Ami (gatekeeper, EP)