New, Intro

Hi All,

Been lurding for awhile, reading and quietly learning from you. This seems like a wonderful forum and discussion.

I have known I was DID (DDNOS) for the past six months or so but it seems as if it is only just now sinking in as I am discovering my alters. I have been the victim of SRA which is also a new discovery but sure explains a lot of my PTSD. Other than a near blank memory slate from 0-age 7, I believe I have been largely co-conscious of my alters though I did not recognize them as such until only recently. Pretty much I feel like a filter for them, emotionless, desireless, motivation-less until they feel/want something and then I determine if I should react. I had a bit of an identity crisis this past week wondering just who I am. It is also a bit daunting to feel myself pushed out of the front and be in a fog all the while aware of someone else "driving the bus."

I have a T I've been working with for the past several months now but she does not specifically work with DID cases and now that it is more and more obvious that I have alters, I may need to find more help than I am currently getting. Before I knew I had alters, I had near constant ongoing dialogue in my head. Now that I know of them, they are quiet. It is eerie and I feel abandoned when I am host, and then lost when I am pushed aside. I have been trying to speak to my alters daily but thus far, I hear nothing from them. Any advice welcome.

Thanks all, looking forward to getting to know you.
Ash

You basically described me. I used to hear my alters ALL THE TIME and after I started realizing who they were, they got quiet on me. I hear them sometimes now though. Anyway, welcome to the forum. I know you'll find nice people and some help!

Hi and welcome! My advice is to keep talking to them -- or at least toward them. Don't expect feedback right away, that may be creating pressure. Quite likely they're shocked that you're now aware and are responding to them completely differently from how you always did before. That would be a significant change in their experience of themselves, each other, and the world.

Journaling and speaking internally or aloud are ways to communicate that may work for you. I've found that I needed to have more intention in myself to both get through to them and to hear them. In other words, I had to really focus and want them to know about me and our current life without expecting them to do anything back, to be any way in particular. If they didn't like or trust me, I had to be willing to try to rise above that. I knew they must have their reasons. And it turns out they did.

I tried hard to create an atmosphere of equality, as in, they were also owners of this body, they belonged here and had no fewer rights to it than I did. Eventually, for my system, that meant I had to be willing for them to have time in the body. When they take over, I don't have to worry being responsible for everything, so overall it's a huge plus for me personally. Also, they have abilities I just don't, even as simple as keeping the body calm (lowering blood pressure, etc.), so I would be a fool not to take advantage of them, who are, obviously, other parts of "me."

I do hold the job and have certain skills in me as an alter that kept us going, so I asked to be able to do the job mostly without interference. I've made a zillion mistakes and I keep doing things that hurt them (and vice versa) but what choice is there but to keep trying? For better or worse, we're stuck with each other and have to find a way to make it work.

I had read a lot of biographies by people with DID before my alters began reappearing and the bottom line appeared to be that welcoming them, accepting who they are, had the greatest chance for success -- internal stability, and mutual communication. My experience a year+ later has proven that was the best path for our system.

Hi and welcome

I've just recently had to change therapists because my old one couldn't quite keep up with my DID and made lots of horrible mistakes (and didn't learn from them either). I am now with a therapist who has worked with DID before and is a trauma specialist. I have been converted from someone who used to think specialism isn't necessary... to someone who thinks specialism is.

B

Thanks to all for your welcomes and thoughts. Glad to know I am not alone in discovering alters and having them go silent, other than the switching, which I am well aware of now. I do journal and speak/write to them often as well as think things to them when I feel their fear/anger/annoyances brewing inside. The only time they speak to me since I've known about them, is when I plan to do something they do not approve of. I guess I need to be better about asking/preparing them for what is planned and that might help. I have had some luck with helping angry/annoyed alters feel less animosity at whatever triggered them but it is strange to go from one second calm and understanding to the next second triggered and annoyed again. I need to be patient with them communicating with me during "peaceful" times, I get that now. Thank you for reminding me to be welcoming though when I feel a frightened one and switch, I find I can do lettle to help them feel like they are okay or welcome during that time. After "I" am back in control however, I seem to be able to get a lot of information about the alter and what the trigger was through "Intuition" I think more than words. Strong impressions, emotions, flashes, etc. Still getting used to it all, trying not to freak out due to the chaos that I feel inside at times.

Thank you for your replies. Make me feel welcome and less alone.
Ash

Hi,
You got some stellar advice, and all I'd like to say is welcome!

Hi and welcome!