Alln1 wrote:He keeps his world pretty controlled, and is not very aware or in touch with his feelings.
Wow, that's an emotionally unhealthy person, as you describe him. He is not good friend material because he basically wanted boundaries around who you could be with him. Not wanting you to switch (even if he suggested he would allow it), wanting you to keep being only who he had become somewhat comfortable with, was an indication of a need to control.
My guess is that the primary target of the control is likely his own emotions. Controlling his environment and people's access to him helps him control his emotions. His cutting you off entirely, outside of being the act of a non-friend and quite cruel, is further evidence of a need to control, so powerful it trumped common considerations.
This man is either an undeveloped person (lacking normal emotional maturity) or was damaged. Even damaged people can develop one or more areas of their lives where they can function normally. His conversations with you were likely real if emotionally limited. He could have been fearful of DID on top of all the rest but an emotionally healthy person would have been able to admit that.
My T seemed to think that i never should have asked him why, but instead just respected the fact that he had said no.
I don't want to come down on your T because I don't know how the explanation came out, but I think that sentiment is bogus. Based on the amount of time you spent together, you had every right to consider yourself friends. You should be able to ask a friend why he's uncomfortable, especially when it relates to your friendship.
I've lost two good friends because of this DID so far and I've cut off ties with several family members. I need people around me who can be to some extent understanding, accepting, and supportive. They don't have to listen to all my woes, I know it's tough, but I need friends and family who are willing and able to acknowledge what I'm going through, even if they can't help. I think of a parallel situation. What if I discovered I had cancer? What would I expect of my friends and family? Among things I would not accept would be ignoring my problem, or making things more difficult for me by being unpleasant.
There are times when things need to be discussed, right?
Yup. In my book, that's a requirement of friendship. Sometimes friends aren't ready. But they can't be friends with me, speaking for myself, and never be ready to discuss any of it with me. I would not act like that if they were going through something. Why in the world would I accept it from them?
Your T doesn't always have to or should validate your logic or your conclusions. But they should validate your emotions, that the emotions you're having are valid and not wrong.