Our partner

i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: salted lipstick, Partial

i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby dividedtruth89 » Sat Oct 01, 2011 7:23 pm

I'm so scared. I'm scared I'm gonna die and go to Hell. I'm paying to much attention to myself. Very selfish. Your so immature when it comes to emotional situations. I just don't even like feeling like I'm alive it's so sad. I feel like I'll cry forever. I pay too much attention to myself. I am not helping others at all right now. I want to die but I'm afraid I'd go to hell if I die.

i'm sorry i hope this doesn't trigger anybody i m just crying so much and i don't know why i'm so scared that God won't let me go to Heaven. I am doing something wrong. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
That's Wolfie(aka Timber) in my Avatar. The Roma jacket helps him feel safe. It helps me feel safe, too.
DX-Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression
blog: http://www.dividedsroom.wordpress.com
User avatar
dividedtruth89
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2053
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:33 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (7)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby bourbon » Sat Oct 01, 2011 8:30 pm

Hey you,

You are not paying too much attention to yourself and you are not selfish. From what I have seen on the boards you also contribute a lot and give advice to other people. You are a giver and a taker.

I am sorry you feel so bad. I have to go now and eat some dinner but I will come back to this post. Do you want to write a little more?

Bourbon
Diagnosed DID in September 2011
Re-diagnosed DID February 2014

Our blog: http://crazyinthecoconut.co.uk/
User avatar
bourbon
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1963
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:59 am
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby DarkDreamer19 » Sat Oct 01, 2011 8:49 pm

There's nothing about you that seems either selfish or evil! You just meet my daughter yesterday, alright I'm not her realy mom, but in my eyes this is my daughter! You made her smile! Yes, smile and feel as if she's not a monster or anything that everyone else has told her, her whole life! If you can make that sweet little girl smile, then I want you around and contuine to get to know her, she's just like you in a way. She thinks she's going to hell for being a "monster" and that even her family as told her that someone like her is going to burn in hell. Now look sweetheart, I'll tell you what I tell my little Kimmie. "You can't go to hell...because The devil will never allow someone as kind and pure hearted to even think about entering his home, so you will not die and you're not selfish for waining a better life or thinking about your own happines once in a while."

You seem to be like a good man, now please be kind and allow her to meet and get to know you more. Thank you for your kindness so far.

Angel~
Kimberly - 21 - Host - (( † Tainted Dove † ))
Kohaku - 19 - Protector
Angel - 25 - Protector
Vex - 21 - Ghost
Raven - 19 - Abuser
Vincent - 18 - Abuser
Axel - 18 - Abuser/Protector
Rosie - 7 - Abused Child
Alice - 13 - Abused Child
Suffers from: schizophrenia, abuse, learning Disableity, DID, and MDD
User avatar
DarkDreamer19
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:18 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby brandic » Sat Oct 01, 2011 8:53 pm

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sorry you are so sad and so scared. Know that you haven't done anything wrong. In fact, you have given a lot of yourself on here from what I've seen. And also there's nothing wrong with paying attention to yourself. And giving yourself what you need. And trying to do good things for yourself. We all deserve that, especially since many of us didn't get that when we were younger. I am sorry you are afraid of going to hell. Even though I don't really believe in hell, if I did I would say I really don't think you are going there. You are kind and you are generous. And I think you and all the parts of you need love and gentleness right now. Hang in there, and know I'm here if you need it.
C

-- Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:56 pm --

Ps You have helped me a LOT and I would be very very sad if you weren't here anymore.
Dx - DID

Brandic (me), Asher, RAGE, Samantha, young violent part, young me (scared part), protector (semi-mute), "the part who feels no pain"

My blog:
http://nothinginmynoggin.wordpress.com/
brandic
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 807
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:34 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:52 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby under ice » Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:19 pm

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, and hope it will pass soon, Divided. Please remind yourself that it's a temporary feeling, and try to focus on something positive in the meantime.
As far as I understand, nobody goes to Hell for paying too much attention to themselves or not helping others enough. I'm not an expert in theology, but I know it's not a dogma. Besides you are definitely not too selfish from what I've seen. I can't find the right words to comfort you but everyone here is only human (except for a few non-human alters :lol:), we all have our issues and imperfections. You are not alone.
User avatar
under ice
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2733
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 5:11 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 6:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby tomboy24 » Sun Oct 02, 2011 2:42 am

You have in no way been selfish, not on this site and not in life. Paying attention to yourself and your needs when you need to is not being selfish. You help many people on here, and I'm sure you've helped more outside of this forum. You've certainly helped me, and I've seen you lighten the mood on threads, welcome others whole-heartedly, offer your condolences to those going through difficult times, and give your sympathies and prayers to those in need. You are certainly not a selfish taker, and I'm sure God is proud of what you've accomplished and with how you help people. Remember that no one is perfect, and God understands this, which is why He sent His only Son to die for our sins. You are a good person, you have good intentions, and you seek to help when you can and offer support when you have no advice to give. I am glad that you joined this forum and that I've had the good fortune to get to know you through this site, even if I don't know you that well, I'm glad that I've had the chance to know you as well as I do. Remember that God knows all and sees all, and I'm sure He sees you in your fear right now, and I'm sure He is touched that you desire to go to Heaven this much and worry about not pleasing Him. I'm sure He would not want you to worry this much or be so distraught over this. *hugs* God does not look to torture people with worry or make them paranoid about not reaching Heaven, that's why he enabled us to be forgiven by Him. I'm very sorry you're having such a difficult time, and wish I could offer more help than I am able. You are well cared about on here, and well appreciated, and I know you've helped quite a few people on here, so trust us when we tell you that you aren't selfish. Everyone needs to spend some time focusing on themselves and their own needs, because if we don't take care of ourselves then we can't take care of anyone else. *more hugs* My thoughts and prayers will be with you, and I hope you feel better very soon.

*HUGS!* you're not selfish divided! i love you! and God does too, i know it! feel better soon. you being sad makes me feel sad. :cry: if i was there i'd hug you and we'd get our favorit ice cream and i'd sing my favorit bible songs to you and we culd watch funny movies to feel better and we culd pray together too! i'm going to pray for you anyway. *MORE HUGS*
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
User avatar
tomboy24
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4549
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:29 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:52 am
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby dividedtruth89 » Sun Oct 02, 2011 3:50 am

Thanks guys it was a weird day. I was crying really hard when I wrote that but pushed it aside in order to go to work. It wasn't until I got to work when I realized I needed to seriously ground myself cause I was just feeling odd and feeling like I was not here, but somewhere else.

Trigger warning*******

Everything about today was very triggering. The weather changed and my roommates opened all the windows and turned on fans. We used to do this in our old house, when I was ages 10 to 14. I don't know why it would cause so many horrible feelings though. Then a friend from my old church contacted me and I can't contact her back...another closed chapter, I feel like I was a different person when I knew her. I purchased a plane ticket to see my Grandmother who I haven't seen in 13 years, and so that reawakened a lot of mourning, and I spoke to my mom, who is 100% against my reconnecting with that side of the family. My mom believes that my dad and that side of the family is evil, and has drilled this into me for as long as I can remember, about how they are all "satanic." But I love them. At least, sometimes I do(parts of me do?) but I think a part of me believes that if I love them, that makes me evil too.

She was making all kinds of jokes and laughing about how all her children have been possessed by demons at one point or another(she was talking about temper tantrums we'd have when we were younger). I didn't find it funny. I can remember years ago her shouting and screaming horrible things to my little brothers and calling them demons. Neither she, nor my brothers, were laughing then either.

We were talking about some things when I was 4, 5 years old. She was astonished I couldn't remember before 5.

Then she got all paranoid again and was asking me what I was typing(she could hear me typing while we talked, I was actually just looking at flights). She grilled me and asked if my T ever asks me to write down me and my mom's conversations and share them with her. I think she thinks I'm talking $#%^ about her to my T.

She'd be right.

-- Sat Oct 01, 2011 11:53 pm --

I almost forgot, thank you to Bourbon, tomboy, underice,brandic,darkdreamer, for all your kind words. We started crying while reading them, and the little kept on saying "my friends" over and over. Thank you :)
That's Wolfie(aka Timber) in my Avatar. The Roma jacket helps him feel safe. It helps me feel safe, too.
DX-Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression
blog: http://www.dividedsroom.wordpress.com
User avatar
dividedtruth89
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2053
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:33 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby DarkDreamer19 » Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:20 am

Hi!

It's okay, dividedtruth, My Big brother Kohaku says that big Sissy kim was worried about you, so I wanna tell you that I wove you! and I'll wove you fourevers becase thats wats famewelee dos fours ones aothers. My grandmama tells me all the time taht thesrs a demon in me, She throws bibles and holey water on me a lot. Butt she wont allow me to be nest to her no more. Big sissy says tahts okays becsuaes we got new firn=eds now, and youuuuur one of them, so taht means we alwayds wove one aonother fourever and ever. Hoe olds you? Are you my little broteher? or big brother? OR ares you my sissy?

whos ever yous are...i sitll wove you a lot! Okays?

Rosie
Kimberly - 21 - Host - (( † Tainted Dove † ))
Kohaku - 19 - Protector
Angel - 25 - Protector
Vex - 21 - Ghost
Raven - 19 - Abuser
Vincent - 18 - Abuser
Axel - 18 - Abuser/Protector
Rosie - 7 - Abused Child
Alice - 13 - Abused Child
Suffers from: schizophrenia, abuse, learning Disableity, DID, and MDD
User avatar
DarkDreamer19
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:18 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby dividedtruth89 » Sun Oct 02, 2011 10:40 pm

Hi Rosie! We love you too!

I am so sorry your Grandmama does things like that. That must make you feel really bad. Well, you are not bad! And thank you for helping me remember that I am not bad, either. The littles are around 4 or 5 years old and 9 and 10 years old, but the 4 or 5 year old littles are the ones who come out the most :) The 9 year old is the one who's scared she'll go to hell :( I get scared of it sometimes too, but I have to remember that I am big (I am 22) and that I know better.

Lots of people have told us that we are selfish, and that we are immature, and that we just want attention. It makes us very sad, but we're trying to move past it. Thank you for your sweet words :mrgreen: If I start to feel the little I'll make sure she PMs you!
That's Wolfie(aka Timber) in my Avatar. The Roma jacket helps him feel safe. It helps me feel safe, too.
DX-Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression
blog: http://www.dividedsroom.wordpress.com
User avatar
dividedtruth89
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2053
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:33 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: i'm so sad and scared right now trigger warning

Postby DarkDreamer19 » Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:34 am

Yesah,

I help yous take care of em' and i'll hold em' when they needs me, okays? I'll wove em' fourevers too like i woves you! I'lls take cares of yous too. okays? I wanna make em' my sissy and brothers okay? Becuses I wove em' too, okays?
Kimberly - 21 - Host - (( † Tainted Dove † ))
Kohaku - 19 - Protector
Angel - 25 - Protector
Vex - 21 - Ghost
Raven - 19 - Abuser
Vincent - 18 - Abuser
Axel - 18 - Abuser/Protector
Rosie - 7 - Abused Child
Alice - 13 - Abused Child
Suffers from: schizophrenia, abuse, learning Disableity, DID, and MDD
User avatar
DarkDreamer19
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 182
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:18 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: am4kds, Nondescript and 68 guests

cron