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Therapist retiring

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Therapist retiring

Postby LadySlippers » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:13 am

We've seen him 15 years. Well before the DID was obvious. He's our safe person , a grounding force, a healing presence and we are deeply attached to him. Today asked if we could text to say happy holidays or happy birthday and he said he told his other clients and now me goodbye should be goodbye.
We can text now or leave vm at his office . If emergency his cell but I don't use that. How can I not have that connection . He's so part of our life and the lives of my 3Dchildren.
I feel like a robot , shut down and numb . I can't imagine . Can't think . Fear and panic underneath . Feels like a nightmare brewing .
Beth
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby rmf474 » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:25 am

Wow, that's really tough. I'm so sorry. Prayers for finding a new T that you can build a relationship with.
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby MakersDozn » Tue Aug 22, 2017 3:10 am

Hi to LadySlippers. And I am sorry about your T. And we have been seeing our T for 13 years. And that was cuz the last one retired. After we saw her for 5 and a half years. And I was mad about her retiring. Cuz it was very stinky.

And we hope you can find another good T. Which is not the same as the old one but it helps to have someone who understands about this stuff.

Joseph who is 8 and a half :?
Body cis ♀ (1962). Realized 1996 that we're multiple. System of 47, all cis: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (0-7+), 9 middles (8-11+), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+), + formless yin/yang.

Notable: Charity 25 (oldest), Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby IainEtc » Tue Aug 22, 2017 3:26 pm

That's seriously hard. Sometimes we're worried our T will go away and that feels awful. I bet you'll find another good T. :D

Cody
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby LadySlippers » Tue Aug 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Thankyou Cody . It's pretty awful right now-feel sick inside and can't sleep.
Thankyou Berta for the prayers-we need them .
And Joseph it is so stinky . Glad you have someone new.

We don't know what to do . So many feelings /not sure how to sort out. Maybe journal would help.
One of the worse is feeling humiliation-we want him to stay and it feels terrible to know he wants to leave and not see us. Like we're not lovable or important or didn't work hard enough in therapy and he's given up on us. He'd never say that but I wonder . It's hard to cry in front of someone who wants to leave you . That vulnerable feeling. I know he wouldn't laugh but it feels almost like begging . That's probably old history . Same with feeling unimportant and not worthy to love.

My adult knows he wants time to travel and relax and " I" would dearly miss him but inside is in turmoil.
Trying to figure out symbolic ways to keep him nearby . Maybe stone from his Zen sand garden . Me making necklace that represents him ? But none of that is " him" just symbols. The thought of not seeing him again is killing me . Why can't we text for a month or so or on birthday or holiday ?
Need to give self space and not shame us ( like family did) for normal feelings .

Sad sad sad and scared -Beth
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby birdsong87 » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:18 pm

actually, he doesnt want to leave you.
he wants to retire. retirement means that he will stop working. you see him as a therapist. he will not be a therapist anymore. he will not be working anymore. and he might need distance from his former patients. its his choice. i think it has little to nothing to do with you. sad that it means that needs get to be unmet, but it still has nothing to do with you personally.

we had to let go of a T who has been with us for 3 years, but we liked him personally and it was hard for the young ones. you know that we always carry an image of people inside when we have invested in connection? we visualized a story of him laying down all his work related burdens in his office, wandering around seeing cool stuff and then finding a home in a safe place we created for him to retire there. we put his image to sleep there, in peace. when the littles want contact we can imagine going to his new "home" and see him. we could imagine asking him questions and its almost like we hear his voice.
we found great comfort in this exercise.

the thing that is probably the hardest is that needs will not be met by him anymore. the others are right, the best way to get over it is to find someone else who will meet these needs. find yourselves a new T. you will still mourn. it helps not to leave each other alone with that.

we took time to tell each other stories about the old T and tell each other what we noticed about him and what we miss about him. if you mourn together you can comfort each other.
he is not your father. whatever you still need, he cannot give it to you. that too needs to be mourned. we often put a lot of expectation on our Ts to replace parents and re-parent us. that is not going to happen. it is not part of their job. you can learn to do it for your own system though. and its a good start to share the mourning and help each other thru. you are not alone!
(you sound like someone inside of you is angry about all this too. its ok to be angry. it doesnt mean that you dont like him anymore)

Annett&L
Dx: DID cPTSD
host ; Asti (host 2); and others
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby LadySlippers » Wed Aug 23, 2017 1:05 pm

Hey Annette and L, Thankyou so much . I really need to read this over and over. It's very confusing inside . So many feelings . Two nights ago up almost all night with insides talking and calling me bad names and feeling absolutely like they/ we can't survive without him.
And yes-furious that he encouraged us to be vulnerable and open and develop strong bonds and then leave so he can go on vacations while we are left behind like old trash.
That must be old stuff. He never treated us like trash . He treats us as valuable -another reason his leaving is killing us.
Likely feelings about our fther are totally mixed in.
We haven't really accepted our f-ther as he really was. So much to mourn that's stuffed inside me /us. So much fury deep deep deep inside.
I don't want to feel personally abandoned -certainly my family and others did enough of that . I appreciate your writing he's not " leaving me" but he's retiring. Now to let that sink in.

I have til December . I like the idea of giving him a place where I can go to talk to him .
You know. One of the conflicts is letting this all out to him - I hate feeling vulnerable or weak . Intellectually know this isn't true ( not weak) but exposing myself is terrifying.
I'm so mixed up. The pain and despair were swamping me and feeling like big dissociation or dysfunction coming over me so ate sweets which calms something down inside . But don't want to do that . Maybe color or draw.
At least writing this I can cry . Which is a miracle. Plus you guys can read so I'm not alone always.
Beth
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby scharah » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:43 pm

That does sound hard. I relate to what birdsong said about parents, I've always fantasized about real parents and only recently realized unless I win the lottery and buy parent impersonators that's not gonna happen. At the moment the idea of me offering myselves parenting, support etc sounds ridiculous and laughable, like saying lions make great housepets. My inner "suicide squad" ain't gonna parent no one..
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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Aug 24, 2017 6:26 pm

scharah wrote:I've always fantasized about real parents and only recently realized unless I win the lottery and buy parent impersonators that's not gonna happen.


So true. :?

Charity
Body cis ♀ (1962). Realized 1996 that we're multiple. System of 47, all cis: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (0-7+), 9 middles (8-11+), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+), + formless yin/yang.

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Re: Therapist retiring

Postby IainEtc » Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:16 pm

Hi MDs,

That's a good idea. I'm going to get some parent impersonator robots. They will always be kind to us.

If they aren't I'll turn them off.

Iain
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