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Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

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Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Homerage » Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:50 pm

Hi,
***TRIGGER WARNING*** (THROUGHOUT TEXT).
I've been registered here a few weeks watching and reading but only just plucked up the courage to speak.

I was recently diagnosed with a disassociative disorder, currently with forensic psychology considering if it's DID or another. I have atleast 3 alters we know of, all of which present when I'm asleep. Although a couple have now started appearing in the days, but I don't know which as I only notice the time lapse.

One of my alters is violent, and has done some disgusting things to my girlfriend, which ended up in me being handcuffed when sleeping to prevent me doing any damage to her.
I've had a number of sleep studies, all which show normal. And the clinician only considered DID when my girlfriend (soon to be ex) started asking my name and age.. and they all came back different, with different voices and writing with the hand I can't write with etc.

Anyway, I think the stress has reached its toll now that I'm finally getting the help and diagnosis I need.

My girlfriend today said she feels trapped and wants to leave me, we have been trying for a baby for some time already.

I've have never felt real viable suicidal thoughts, I'm not sure if I'm thinking them or another. But i just think what's the point in continuing with life, I'm never going to find anyone else who has been as accepting and supportive as she has and nor would I want to put anyone at any risk.

My soon to be ex also has a chronic condition and spinal fractures, I am her carer. Ive always wondered if she's making it all up (as I do not have any memory of any of the events), but then think who on earth could create such elaborate hurtful lies. We're both in our twenties.

Please give me some advice.

Thanks in advance.
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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Una+ » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:16 pm

Welcome to the DID Forum. You say you've been reading a while, so you know what to expect but I will say it anyway: Situation normal.

Homerage wrote:Ive always wondered if she's making it all up (as I do not have any memory of any of the events), but then think who on earth could create such elaborate hurtful lies.


Exactly. Many of us know exactly how you feel, having been in a situation like this ourselves. So often the host is the last to know what is really going on. How weird is that? Someone told me I was telling bizarre stories. Yeah, tell me about it. And some of us have also been on the other side, being the one who has to tell someone they are doing very unpleasant things they don't remember.

A story like yours is consistent with either (a) you have DID or (b) she is gaslighting you or (c) both. An experienced diagnostician could probably bring some clarity to this question in just a few hours, using some of the available interview instruments such as the SCID-D.

Hang in there. Right now you and your girlfriend are in what is called the "diagnostic crisis" phase. It will pass.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Homerage » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:47 pm

Thank you so much for your reply.

One thing that is burning on my mind.. and makes be think more of your option B
(b) she is gaslighting you


In her previous relationship she told me she was systemically raped by her ex, she has told me lots of details, e.g counting dots on his ceiling and very specific graphical facts. Let alone the night terrors I have woken her from.

One thing my girlfriend said is that she has been speaking to a psychologist for a few weeks (as part of the safeguarding) which I was unaware of. And she claims they said it's possible her ex didn't rape her and that I have 'brainwashed' her into believing so. She then went onto say that maybe one of the alters is who did this.
But I remember it all, how she told me, where we were etc. And as we know I don't remember my switches.

Do you think this is actually possible? Could one of my alters brainwashed her into believing something as sickening as her ex systemically raping her.

As I'm reading and thinking about this I am becoming very concerned it's not me. That might just be the disbelief of whats been happening to me.
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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Una+ » Sat Jul 15, 2017 2:33 pm

Many things are possible. For example, it is possible that her therapist is putting false memories into her head.

What is your history? Have you had problems like this with other people? It sounds like she has a history of problems like this with other people. You may be in great danger.

If I were you I would stop sleeping with her. I would stop sleeping in the same room and possibly also stop sleeping in the same residence. Also, I would get a voice activated recorder and be diligent about using it.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Homerage » Sat Jul 15, 2017 3:01 pm

I wish my posts were approved faster.

My history.. no mental health history at all. Mild spats of depression throughout life which were never medicated. Fibromyalgia - wide spread chronic pain and fatigue.
I am a very emotionless person until it comes to my heart. And can be extraordinarily blunt and distant from people. I find it hard to talk about emotions to anyone at all.
I was heavily bullied as a child and apart from that I don't really remember anything of my childhood.
Since this all started happening in January I am insanely fatigued and do have big time lapses.


She has already left me. So I'm not at risk, but she still tells me were in love. There is a real chance she is pregnant, but it's too early to tell (we have been trying before this all started in January this year).

We've tried motion and sound activated cameras... I just turn them off. Apparently once she barricaded herself in the bedroom and after I tried to get in I ran back across the other room, squatting so the camera wouldn't pick me up. And subsequently I ran into a door... But no bump on my head.

There's been instances where she said I was really violent to her, and eventually she'd come in screaming and I'd have blood on my hands or a knife or scissors and even a Swatch of her hair next to me or in my hand.

We also tried contact alarms on all the doors, so if I open one in my sleep or altered state either I'd snap out of it or it would wake her up. But equally I just turn them off too.

My job is a private investigator so to me it makes sense I would avoid or switch off cameras / alarms because that's what I'm trained to avoid.

We started handcuffing Me to the bed, she'd keep the key well out of my reach. Since then the violence stopped. But I still try and get out of bed. Or switch and am sobbing to her about some particular person (who I don't know). I don't remember these episodes.

When the violence was occurring she said she would hit, kick and punch me as hard as she could, but I never ever had any bruises.
She even kicked me in the balls once and I just carried on like a robot. I thought even an alter would scream in pain at that, at the very least.

She has a history of manic depression, has limiting conditions and has been caught out lying to me and telling my life and intimate story to other people.

I don't know what to believe anymore. But whatever it is, is going to need a lot of therapy or suicide
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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Una+ » Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:40 pm

After you post here a few times you won't have to wait anymore.

A lot of that is water under the bridge, not relevant anymore. Moving forward, I can see a few very important things for you to do:

1. Be very, very clear about what you know happened vs what she tells you happened. Spend no time or energy at this point on trying to decide if what she tells you is true or not true.

2. Get smarter about your personal safety and surveillance. Always record any contact with her and find someone you can trust to help you stop the (self?) sabotage.

3. Get an attorney.

4. Get therapy.

You are not alone.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby vortexvoid » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:57 am

this sounds like a scary and confusing situation. i'm so sorry. regardless of what is actually causing it, it has to be very difficult.

i agree with Una on all the above suggestions, i just wanted to chime in and say that this is a safe place to share and vent. we're listening. hang in there.
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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Homerage » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:00 am

Thank you both for your replies.

It's so hard to try not to think if she's been telling me truth when I listen to what I've said here about the lack of bruises.

I unfortunately woke up this morning, I didn't even make it to bed.
I am seeing my Dr tomorrow, I've asked for respite care from a suicide charity. So tomorrow I should either be going to respite or be taken to hospital I imagine.
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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby Una+ » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:11 pm

Homerage wrote:It's so hard to try not to think if she's been telling me truth when I listen to what I've said here about the lack of bruises.

Again, there is what you know happened and that includes her telling you stuff. But you only know that she told you, not that it happened. Suspend judgment and take notes.

Homerage wrote:I unfortunately woke up this morning, I didn't even make it to bed.

Did you lose time? What do you know happened? Don't assume. Don't infer. What do you actually remember?

Homerage wrote:So tomorrow I should either be going to respite or be taken to hospital I imagine.

This sounds good, either way.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: Breakups DID newly diagnosed help

Postby dlantern » Sun Jul 16, 2017 8:51 pm

Crisis of Confidence, broken Spirit.....

Please don't allow folks to dredge you back in the mud. I think it really needs to be some of sensationalize but just be careful though most won't have your best interest at heart. We don't judge all that much on those with violent history, just know whom you might have to help later on. Watch for the symbolism because some might be hanging on just to remind of the memory a little has and it might be literal......I believe in the power of forgiveness I believe in separating the issue from the memory of a person that done wrong in fact that is easy for us. I'm glad you got the courage, we all had love for an abuser so it isn't that different. Yes, we here are safe just in case there are fans that read this. Make sure though you make the right choices all while trying to at some point rewrite the moral issue that we might have before we found out about ourselves. I would blame it on Hollywood it doesn't have to consume you in fact if you think you are coping get out of therapy because it could get really bad especially if once high functioning.
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