Our partner

Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Violarules

Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby Truly_happy » Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:08 pm

I'll give as little info. as I can manage to avoid triggering. I just want to know this:

Are you or do you have an alter who was clearly made to help the system cope with abuse by not seeing it as a bad thing ... but enjoyed it ... and ended up fueling the abuse ... and helped it go on for a lot longer than it might have otherwise?

... I'm one of those alters. :cry: I need help coping with the guilt. x_x

- Stephen
We are Conjoined Minds, an OSDD 1b system with 100+ alters.

Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20, compassionate, acting host
Cullen - male, 14, loves life, helpful
Janice - female, 20s, ever-present, zesty
Jadden - boy, 11, pleasant, leader kid
Ning - female, adult, cat humanoid, passionate

Our Topics | Journal
User avatar
Truly_happy
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 363
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:42 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby Ladykayley » Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:08 pm

I'm a female alter in a male body i believe born from sexual abuse. Honestly its hard knowing i contributed to so much of our pain. For me healing started with accepting we were victims of this man. Too young to consent and just scared. We pretended we liked it until we believed the lie because it made it hurt less. At least thats what our T says.
Hope this helped.

- Kayley
Ladykayley
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2017 10:33 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby OllieLuka » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:55 pm

In our system we have several alters who are like this. I'm one of them. Most of us are targeted at different kinds of abuse, even kinds that we haven't experienced, which we think is like a defense. As if we're worried about it happening in the future and already have this sort of defense mechanism in place. Two of our alters actually actively try to seek out abuse sometimes, but we've always been able to stop them.

It does make me feel very guilty. I understand that completely. But when I feel bad I just remind myself of what I wrote above: it's a defense mechanism. It's not the best defense mechanism, but it's what we thought we needed to deal with what we went through. Those of us who enjoy abuse enjoy it because we thought it would help us get through it more easily.

- Micah
Depression, Anxiety, DPD, OCPD, OSDD-1b
Body aged 18, no host. 30+ alters.
Luke 23. Liam 20. James 21. Dylan 21. Cyrus 17. Peter 22. Ash 16. Micah 18. Mike 25. Todd 21.
Ami 19. Sammy 14.
Ollie 9. Luka 7/2/5/ageslider.
Jesse - Puppy. Kas - Wolf. Xavier - Cat.
+Many others
OllieLuka
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2017 12:47 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby BeccaBee » Tue Jun 20, 2017 10:23 am

well it is not your fault for having a job to do.

everybody has different jobs. the trick is to realize that it is over and now you can have a new job! any job you want! because that time is over! the abuse is over!

you survived. you did what you had to do to survive. but you don't have to keep doing it anymore. and that's what matters. your job ensured your survival. and you succeeded.

my new job is to get our body healthy and handle work meetings and travel. i am very excited to have a new job!!!

what you are experiencing is normal. my opinion only is that by behaving in a way that complied with the abuse. pleased the abuser. by cooperating you decreased the escalation of torment. decreased the risk of assault and death. it's not like you are all ###$ up and horrible. you behaved in a way that minimized the risk of death. for all you know this coping mechanism may be the reason you survived the abuse. and SURVIVING is nothing to beat yourself up over.
Female, 35
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, Panic Disorder
The Team:
post1907318.html#p1907318
Our Journey:
dissociative-identity/topic175383.html
We are me.
User avatar
BeccaBee
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1319
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2015 12:40 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby Truly_happy » Tue Jun 20, 2017 1:26 pm

I really don't think our abuser would have killed us, BeccaBee.

Okay, trigger warning, here's my story ...
Our father used to get high on pot and would go into a state of altered consciousness where he would do things he wouldn't do normally and have no memory of it later. One thing he did was sexually abuse us in many ways.

The abuse started when we were just a little girl, still very small. Most of the alters were children then, except that I was a teenager. Like a big brother, I would try to confort the children, telling them that it was okay and that things were going to be all right. But I betrayed them and put them in harm's way. It got to the point that I would actually go to our father for the abuse. The abuse might have stopped after a few years, but it went on until we were sixteen, because of me.


That was over a decade ago. I had grown up and moved on, much like the other alters. I had found other things to do. But now I've regressed back to the age of sixteen ... a teenager, as I was when I comforted the smaller alters, and the age we were when the abuse stopped. I can't escape what happened, what I've done. Now is my time to deal with this guilt.

Don't call me a hero.

- Stephen
We are Conjoined Minds, an OSDD 1b system with 100+ alters.

Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20, compassionate, acting host
Cullen - male, 14, loves life, helpful
Janice - female, 20s, ever-present, zesty
Jadden - boy, 11, pleasant, leader kid
Ning - female, adult, cat humanoid, passionate

Our Topics | Journal
User avatar
Truly_happy
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 363
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:42 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby Carico » Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:24 pm

you may not be "a hero" but you are bravely facing things now!

and this in commendable!

perhaps consider, forgiveness ..of yourself. ...you were young.

i am a singleton but i was abused sexually and For Years was ashamed because I would feel "turned on" by old men that looked like my abuser.

(and i went willingly over to his house, even though i was mixed up about it, i had no where else to go)

and, even now, as i am uncovering memory; it's my body's responses that verify the truth of it having occurred. our body holds the memory and helps us release it.

that's how this works ..the body does respond to abuse ..it's a body thing.

that's why so much of the abuse is sexual ..it generates a lot of powerful and mixed feelings, which then can be distorted ..it is part of the manipulation.

and children bond with their abusers.

Becca Bee's sentiments seem vital ..everyone played the roles that were needed to survive ..cope ...to be ok with the situation. Children need to feel this ..to be ok ..to feel good ...closeness.

And we don't really know what's ok or normal or whatever ..we seek to fit in and please the adults.

~carico
User avatar
Carico
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Tue May 23, 2017 11:21 pm
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby Truly_happy » Wed Jun 21, 2017 1:23 am

Carico,

Thank you. I enjoyed reading your response. It helps to instill the inner peace that I'm starting to find.

Last night, I remembered something from the Bible and looked it up. In Acts, the writer tells us about a man named Saul who did whatever he could to foil the spread of Christianity. After a life-changing event, he turned his whole life around. He then took on the name Paul and became the greatest ambassador for Christ of all time.

Yeah, I know I can serve the system in a truly beneficial way. I just need to go through some changes first.

... After writing that, I've aged-up to being an adult again. 8)

Take care, everyone. Feel free to use this thread to express your own grief and seek support. I think I can give that now. (Heart.)

- Stephen
We are Conjoined Minds, an OSDD 1b system with 100+ alters.

Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20, compassionate, acting host
Cullen - male, 14, loves life, helpful
Janice - female, 20s, ever-present, zesty
Jadden - boy, 11, pleasant, leader kid
Ning - female, adult, cat humanoid, passionate

Our Topics | Journal
User avatar
Truly_happy
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 363
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:42 am
Local time: Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:13 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Alters that Enjoyed the Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Postby brockovich4321 » Sat Jun 24, 2017 8:18 am

Bumping to reply to later
I am a 30 yo female w self replicating MPD due to institutionalized MC..

Hosts: Emma & MU
ISH: Becs & Asile
Active Protectors: TJ&Tots, Georgie, Rowe, OB
Passive Protectors: Chels, Steph, MB
Babies: Miche&Stac, Fae
User avatar
brockovich4321
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 432
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:18 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:13 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: crackerjack, scharah, TeddyBear the helper and 118 guests

cron