Is it my imagination?

Am I just faking?

It doesnt happen often; sometimes someone else takes over. It happens when I'm extremely unstable, or just suddenly in general. When I say it doesnt happen often, I mean it; it only happens once every few weeks. I know that isnt enough to classify as a disorder, but I need to know if it sounds real.

I cant really remember much. I have BPD too, so my identity is already ?¿?¿. I've had times where anything associated with me would cause whoever had taken over to yell and say that they're not me, and that they'd never want to be me. I don't know if I just get completely depersonalizaed or not. I just feel like someone else.

I had a headspace too; Ive had one since I was around 11. I still remember the desk and friends I had in there...along with...It. It's a different story. But one of the people there was Ithe. She's violent and stuck at being age 12, with long black hair, pale skin, and red eyes. She's homicidal and makes me suicidal. She plans to kill everyone and me. She hasn't taken over in a while, but whenever I think about her she pops up in my mind's eye and is inserted into whatever scene Im looking at. I start to hear her voice and I have to fight to keep it out.

I just feel invalid because it rarely ever happens and if it does, it's because I was reminded of it sometimes. I feel like she can only she herself if Im weak or give her the power to (ex: recognizing her).

Another thing is that I've been locked off from my headspace. I cant get in. Everything is stuck in chaos and it's all i can see. I just want my friends back. It locked them all away and I'm stuck here, alone.

Howdy, Venome.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such distressing events. I'm not good at, uh, being inspirational and supporting, but in my own opinion (not a doctor, can't diagnose and all that), it sounds real and certainly worrying.

Switching seems to be different for each case, so while you don't switch as often as some other people who've shared their experience, it's highly unlikely that you are alone in this. And if you do experience switching - however frequent - the fact is that it occurs, so there's no visible reason for me to doubt your experiences.

Ithe and being locked out of your headspace is quite exceptional from what I've learned. Considering your age, it would likely be hard to find and afford someone who can help you, and since I don't know enough to give you accurate and safe advice, I'll leave that up to whoever else is interested in commenting. The last thing I want is to get you hurt or provide a misdiagnosis.

Despite that, I do hope you stay determined. I hope this comment was somewhat satisfactory.

Best wishes,
-A