My body wont obey to my thoughts at all

I was wondering what causes this:
I want to take a shower. I'm 200% determined to take a shower, but I wont. I keep doing other stuff. or walk past the bathroom. Or i'll do after 1 hour of fighting with myself to get the body to listen to the head. Many things work this way for me. Like I'm thinking about quitting smoking and at the same time I'm rolling a cigarette (it's cheaper) and I can't stop.
I always thought that I'm probably pathologically lazy or something. But things doesn't add up.
Please explain to me what exactly could cause such behavior (or lack of behavior)
btw: sometimes speaking out loud what I want to do (me out loud: "I want to take a shower") does the trick. It makes me wonder whether I'm going to be one of those people who talk to themselves out loud on the bus or street
I was wondering whether this is good old dissociation like people with BPD or whatever have it and has nothing to do with DID or whether it's a DID thing.
I mean it's dead obvious that I have some sort of severe dissociative disorder and I've been diagnosed with that too but they don't really differentiate here between different kinds.

I am one of those people who talks out loud to myself. LOL! I can commiserate. I need to eat right, stop smoking (again), go to bed early, practice Qigong more and I would feel so much better! Instead I do all the wrong things. I don't think it's a DID thing.

However, I have considered bodily dissociation as a factor here. I don't really notice my body most of the time, but when I do notice it feels weak and stiff. With DID, we may carry a lot of the trauma in our bodies. It's really hard to give it the attention it needs, even though you would think it would be a lot easier than dealing with these noisy emotional alters!

Omid wrote:I was wondering what causes this:
I want to take a shower. I'm 200% determined to take a shower, but I wont. I keep doing other stuff. or walk past the bathroom. Or i'll do after 1 hour of fighting with myself to get the body to listen to the head. Many things work this way for me. Like I'm thinking about quitting smoking and at the same time I'm rolling a cigarette (it's cheaper) and I can't stop.

This is me almost daily at the moment. Especially in mornings. Invariable leads to out loud talking trying to encourage 'us' to do whatever it is or to try and focus on one thing not several and also trying very hard to get 'ourselves' to complete a task or standing in shower and saying 'now you need to wash your hair' and not being able to get it together to pick up the shampoo bottle. On the flip side of this is the trying to do too many things moving on from one to another thing without completing anything at all because you forget what you were doing. I always thought it was just being totally dissociated like no one is actually in charge but I don't really know.

LittleMie wrote:This is me almost daily at the moment. Especially in mornings.

Oh the mornings. I would literally ban mornings if I were GOD. Waking up with a flashback of a memory that is not even a trauma, full blown panic, and I have to wait for 3 hours until I'm able of anything beyond drinking coffee compulsively and smoking countless number of cigarettes (and fighting my hands which are unable to roll smokable cigs) and wandering like a headless chicken around in our flat like I'm searching for something really interesting (my SELF?)