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I'm back and feeling lost TW

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I'm back and feeling lost TW

Postby spanky_spee » Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:36 pm

I've made some progress but a form of progress that has become so scary for once I'm questioning my ability to cope.

I have managed to become lucid enough to see now what is going on.

I've found an alter that is hard to explain kind of like a shadow they have actively tried to destroy every relationship in my life. I'm petrified at how long it has been taking time and how in and out of concioussness I've been. But every time I get close to figuring it out I forget again and the cycle starts again. I'm so close to finding this out.
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Re: I'm back and feeling lost TW

Postby SamsLand » Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:12 pm

I hear your frustration. For many things we have an incredible memory. But this stuff also falls like sand through your fingertips. Trying so hard to retain and then poof it is gone.

I know a lot of people swear by journaling these things. And we don't do it but I can see how it would help. And how reading back, going back to thoughts can trigger forgotten thought processes and bring the ideas forth once again. We do this for our outside creative work, not yet aware of why it is prohibited for inside work.

I'm not surprised you have a part that sabotages relationships. this is protection against attachment. Attachments have likely been painful for you and brought harm. The fear is real. They are protecting against harm. They are protecting out of love and compassion for the system.

And they still may be rightfully protecting. Those of us who for example were raised by Narcissists tend to be attracted to narcissists - and/or Narcissists tend to find us. So For some of these modern day relationships, protection is certainly needed against unhealthy people. However I imagine some legitimate and lovely relationships are also destroyed.

Do you have a T to work through these things with you? They can also help you see the relationship more clearly. with the example above, are you dealing with a Narcissist and you should limit that relationship or is it just narcissistic behaviour in an otherwise healthy person that is triggering you (to run).
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: I'm back and feeling lost TW

Postby spanky_spee » Wed Mar 01, 2017 2:41 am

I've finally started to take the first steps of the diagnosis. Still very far away. But I've gotten myself on the waiting list for a psych.
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Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:16 pm
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