Trigger warning: It came back...

My necrophiliac and gore side came back... My violent urges are getting stronger. The cycle is starting over...

I'm sorry to hear that.

Each time he gets stronger and he starts acting violently in the family, speaking to mom, just like to an animal and asking dad to go away. He jerked off to some dead girls and started acting violently on internet too... I built my walls too high to get some real help... All I can get is desperate, sad words from the internet, asking me to change and trying to give me hope... It is too late, I am what I am and I cannot deny it anymore. I am a monster and I will be a successful one, not like those caught murderers who spend their time in jail... I'll outsmart them all. If I only get the motivation to...

I don't think that's a good idea.

Rage and fury overflow me, I can no longer control it on internet... I might kill someone sooner or later to stop this burning fire...

I want to feel the blood on my hands, I want to feel somebody's blood on me. I want to paint with it, I want to murder people. I HAVE TO!!! I have to prepare myself. I have to wait... I have this feeling in my chest, this desire, this lust for blood and violence growing louder inside of me. I can almost feel the pleasure of doing it , this relief that I'll feel when I'll do it it. All of it makes my head spin...

. *mod edit, abusive post, topic is locked*