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lost.

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lost.

Postby SamsLand » Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:34 pm

Feeling super super lost. :cry:
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: lost.

Postby John O » Sun Sep 04, 2016 11:23 pm

I understand you but you don't reveal more information of your situation, how can the forum help you only with that? You feel losted, but i don't know if it is a transient state or you are suffering a crisis. I assume every one on this forum have felt losted in a certain moment, but i don't know your situation so i don't have any idea about an advice for you, only my wishes of a soon relief.
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Re: lost.

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun Sep 04, 2016 11:57 pm

I've sure been there and it's likely one of us will be there again.

Sometimes I feel lost because something important that felt solid loses its meaning or is seen to be a false foundation. Sometimes I know where I am but have no idea who I am, like I'm accept my life circumstances and they're familiar but I suddenly don't seem to fit in or belong at all.

Sometimes I feel lost because I, John, am out in some arena that is natural to Johnny or Ryder. When I find myself out at work, I'm often lost and have little interest in most of it and worry how I'll be able to keep my job. Then someone comes by, Johnny switches out immediately and we realize, oh, John was out at work and mostly shouldn't be.

When we got our son a job working near us, we often felt lost because John does bonding and parenting while Johnny does managing people and it created confounding stress to do both at the same time. I'm suggesting how the wrong alter out can create confusion.

Sometimes a newly awakened alter is nearby and their feeling lost seeps over to others. It may be difficult to figure out the quality of "lostness" but it can be useful to describe it as much as possible.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn


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Re: lost.

Postby crackerjack » Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:07 am

I am sad for you.. :cry:

I have been feeling super lonely... maybe not the same as lost, but similar?

I feel separated from all the people I know because no one understands me and they avoid coming around me. Even my family.

My boyfriend always says I am his best friend, but you know what is sad? I don't feel like he is my best friend anymore. I used to feel I could tell him anything, and he would always be there for me.

But now there is great distance... I don't think he really believes my DID... and if he does believe it, he definitely does NOT feel comfortable with it. He does not want to talk about it or hear about it... when I have uncomfortable body memories he tries to make up "other reasons" for whatever it was.

I do not feel validated, therefore I do not feel accepted or loved... and it feels very, very lonely.

I don't know what to do... so, maybe I do feel a little lost too, like you.

I'm trying to remember what I'm supposed to do when I feel this way... I think a distraction, something that makes me focus on something else... maybe I will watch a TV show where I know the characters ~ they are the only real friends I have anymore.

TV friends are the best friends, because I can invite them over IMMEDIATELY (on Netflix) and I can tell them when to be quieter or louder, or switch to different friends, or make them go home when I turn the TV off. They don't pay much attention to me, but at least it's not so lonely with them around...

Maybe you can be "found" if you have a favorite movie or book or something you like a lot...?
Dx: DID PTSD OCD Anorexia Host: Jelay is now Kerry
1.Melleisha 2.Sidney 3.Claire 4.Jilay 5.Teen-Kerry (in Jelay's former place)
6.Gretchen 7.Diane 8.Billoba 9.Megan 10.Jasmine 11.Brenda
12&13.Tessie&Tassie(the twins) 14.Tallulah 15.Nancy 16.Grace
17.Spirit 18.Gayle 19.Hippocampus (yes, really)
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Re: lost.

Postby BeccaBee » Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:28 am

hang in there samsland.

to everything there is a season.
seasons change.
time passes.
the sun rises.
the flowers bloom.
the crops grow.
the leaves turn.
winter comes.
snow falls.
ice melts.
seeds grow.
seasons change.
hang on.
Female, 39
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, TES


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Re: lost.

Postby IainEtc » Mon Sep 05, 2016 10:03 am

Hi Samsland,

Sounds like you are going through something tough right now. Hang on till it gets better. And write some more so we can help ok?

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: lost.

Postby SamsLand » Tue Sep 06, 2016 5:50 pm

Thanks everyone for your support.

John, thank you for finding words for how I am feeling even though I could not. And words for how they are feeling even though they cannot express. this is one thing I like about this forum is that sometimes we really don't know what's wrong exactly, and people here help us find the words.

BeccaBee you are right. Beautiful. This too shall pass. It sucks that I say that so often. Instead I try to marvel at how things change.

Iain, you are right I should write more. but i am having trouble finding coherence. Thank you for always being supportive. (Lizzy is waving to Evan, she is way way back in her castle too and she can see his castle from the look out way in the distance - she remembers there are purple flags).

Crackerjack, thank you for your words, and i know you are going through some bad PTSD too. I yelled the following this morning inside, and maybe something like this could help you too:

This is MY Tuesday NOT her Tuesday
Tomorrow is MY Wednesday, and not HER Wednesday
Then it is MY Thursday and not HER Thursday
And it will be MY Friday and not HER Friday.
And Saturday is MINE too. and every day after that. She already took so much. She doesn't get more of me.


And maybe you can make it YOUR 1230am and not HIS.

Take care everyone.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: lost.

Postby SamsLand » Wed Sep 07, 2016 1:16 pm

Hi, i felt I needed to better acknowledge these things.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Sometimes I feel lost because something important that felt solid loses its meaning or is seen to be a false foundation. Sometimes I know where I am but have no idea who I am, like I'm accept my life circumstances and they're familiar but I suddenly don't seem to fit in or belong at all.


That part was out. A part that suddenly arrived at this busy time of year and was like what the hell his going on. Overwhelmed. Like suddenly aware of what is going on - they hadn't been reading the ledger.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Sometimes I feel lost because I, John, am out in some arena that is natural to Johnny or Ryder. When I find myself out at work, I'm often lost and have little interest in most of it and worry how I'll be able to keep my job. Then someone comes by, Johnny switches out immediately and we realize, oh, John was out at work and mostly shouldn't be.


And this part doesn't usually work, doesn't usually parent. Doesn't do the relationship with the SO. So. The question is why was this part out? Part of the reason is that I was incapacitated by overwhelming PTSD and struggles.

Johnny-Jack wrote:When we got our son a job working near us, we often felt lost because John does bonding and parenting while Johnny does managing people and it created confounding stress to do both at the same time. I'm suggesting how the wrong alter out can create confusion.


ditto for this.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Sometimes a newly awakened alter is nearby and their feeling lost seeps over to others. It may be difficult to figure out the quality of "lostness" but it can be useful to describe it as much as possible.


And then this part was made told/made more aware that there are many more parts. there are more parts! panic set in. we are not ready for more parts.

Because she is lost, her lostness is seeping into mine. I feel bad for losing capacity and let the lostness take over.

I think this part is Av.

Let's get through another day.

Sam with the amazing help of Kit.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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Re: lost.

Postby crackerjack » Wed Sep 07, 2016 5:41 pm

I have been trying something new, I wanted to share with you...

When I feel the feelings of my alters, they are so very strong and overpowering, Sometimes it is because several of them are feeling the same way, and that makes it much stronger (for example, when 7 of my girls were feeling suicidal at the same time, we went to the hospital because we were not sure if we could survive it. But that is an "extreme" example.)

But when it's not life threatening, I've noticed that I tend to stay "flooded" by the feeling, overwhelmed by it... instead of trying to "treat" it.

So now I'm trying to be more proactive: since I've been feeling so "lonely" lately, I went and got out all my avatars of my alters (they are little 3-inch figurines, with correct hair-color, etc.) I brought them into the living room with me to watch TV with me... I know it sounds so silly, but for me it is REALLY HARD to "focus on" or "pay attention to" my alters without having a mental image of how they look or sound or anything. That is why I learned all their descriptions and got a figurine of each one, to help me keep them all straight in my mind, and feel a personal connection to each one. Sometimes I don't know why, but I reach out and and grab a certain one on a certain day... I think maybe it's whoever is struggling or needs comforting that day. But my communication becomes much more clear whenever I'm paying attention to the avatars of my alters. I love them!

So this made me think about feeling LOST.... if I felt lost I would want someone to come FIND me... I would want things that comfort me... a special blanket or pillow? stuffed animal? cup of tea? Do you know what she likes, what might be "grounding" to her, and help her feel more connected to the here and now, not so lost and distant?
Could you curl up with a good book and read out loud for awhile? IDK about you, but the sound of my voice always pulls my girls closer... they sit up, listen up, start paying attention. One of our creature comforts is a Disney movie (preferably Tangled) and a cup of tea. :D
But also sometimes I need someone to hold my hand... so I hold my own hands together, or hold one of my avatars. It is surprising how comforting it can be.
Maybe if you try you will find whatever is comforting or symbolic for you!
Dx: DID PTSD OCD Anorexia Host: Jelay is now Kerry
1.Melleisha 2.Sidney 3.Claire 4.Jilay 5.Teen-Kerry (in Jelay's former place)
6.Gretchen 7.Diane 8.Billoba 9.Megan 10.Jasmine 11.Brenda
12&13.Tessie&Tassie(the twins) 14.Tallulah 15.Nancy 16.Grace
17.Spirit 18.Gayle 19.Hippocampus (yes, really)
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Re: lost.

Postby LearnToLoveTheRide » Sat Sep 10, 2016 1:02 pm

Good Afternoon Av

You are not Lost - you are exactly where you are meant to be.

Is it uncomfortable? It seems that way. But, it's only uncomfortable when you are comparing it against the Past and the Future, and there is an intellectual, or emotional disconnect between where you think the Past placed you, and what you had in mind for the Future.

But, the only time that matters is the present. You simply cannot be lost in the present as it is the only truly real experience that any person or object in the Universe is experiencing.

Our minds are too small and lack the capacity to understand the intricate inter-dependencies that create what we experience as life. It doesn't matter, because we still experience each moment, and when we fully experience the validity and the true reality of each moment, we are content - wherever we are.

You are not Lost - you are just There... Brett
c-PTSD: 48 y/o Male, Singleton to (ex) partner with DID - multiple Alters
Father to 3 beautiful children, 1 of whom is displaying signs of early DID.
Caution: https://learningtolovetheridebook.wordpress.com blog may be TW
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