by Five-year-old » Tue May 24, 2016 9:57 am
My T is currently using a diagnostic tool in order to place where I'm at in the spectrum. I never have put a lot weight on the diagnosis thing, but now something has changed. At the same time we're terrified that she finds out about us and that she doesn't. Today I answered questions about memory and it seems that I don't have nowadays hard core memory problems such as blackouts/ total memory loss. I always know where I've been at, what I've bought etc. (Still, as I was driving in my car today I had a sense that I could have just been dropped there from outer space, as if I didn't have any personal history whatsoever. But this is depersonalization/ derealization of course.)
Diagnosis is a man-made construction and it doesn't describe reality as such, there is always the subjective surplus that cannot be converted into objective classifications. Still, I feel like my others are less 'real' if I have just OSDD. At the same time, I don't even want them to be that real. Why does it matter if I have DID or OSDD, honestly don't know.
When I say 'I always remember what I do.' there is a sense of disbelief in me that I cannot explain, still I cannot point my finger at any missing pieces. What's there to remember about childhood and 'being a daddy's girl', who can say? Feel like I'm lying all the time, no matter how I put it.
- K
We never should have speak to that b****. What's the use? Did you really think she'd understand s*** about this? You stupid b****. She doesn't believe you, you fake. No-one does. It' s better that way, we can be left alone. This is your problem now, making up disorders and s***. You can leave us alone now, you're the one with the disorder, were just fine. F*** you.
- O-o
Well, what ever my problem is, I thought that speaking up about it is the right thing to do. It's only a diagnosis, it doesn't have to change anything. We'd still be us.
- K
Who does she thing she is asking us what do we remember? You need to stop that. Tell her that we remember nothing, because nothing ever happened. Period.
- O-o
I just told her that 'I always remember what I do' and I don't remember anything 'like that' never happening, so that does it right? Btw, sorry for derailing the thread.
- K
K (Host); The mother (host); The teen; O-o; Nine y/o; Five y/o (dead); The triplets; Etc.