by Johnny-Jack » Sat Apr 23, 2016 3:26 am
For me personally, putting together the evidence from known facts, my life history, details passed along by others, and my own memories and flashbacks, I have no doubt what caused my DID.
From when I was extremely young, under a year old, both parents were alternately abusive (physical, sexual, emotional) and nurturing. The mother had DID and the father had a major dissociative disorder, probably DID. Both parents did a decent or good job raising me most of the time. Their behavior at other times was severely ill and criminal. There are signs of dissociating from both sides of my extended family.
Although we don't have any full introjects -- parts identifying with the abusers -- the fact that we experienced several very different people in our parents may have provided a model for different people in us. I don't really know if that's what happened but it would make sense if it did.
The flashbacks, which range in time from a moment up to 15 minutes, could not indicate anything other than incidents of physical and sexual abuse. They're usually replays of part of a full trauma memory, so may include any combination of images, sounds, emotions, body position or movement, thoughts, sensations. Occasionally they're a complete replay of a past trauma memory where I'm in the memory reliving it rather than in the present.
The parents, particularly the father, talked during the abuse. This can be quite sickening to remember but it has helped me figure out what happened to make them that way. Both were abused in early childhood.
Even though there's a lot I still don't know, much of the certainty I have comes from our gatekeeper Sphinx. He can somehow calculate when things happened and can confirm whether, when, and how something happened or didn't happen. I thought he was full of crap at first, and he did make errors about his own nature. But after years of so many things from him being confirmed and little turning out to be wrong, I've learned to accept what he states. He's a part of us after all and we were there for these events.
The onset of our DID occurred a few months after birth. There are vague memories, know facts, plus we have several baby alters, especially Adam, Clark and Ashar, whose memories and flashbacks clarify the specific types of abuse we experienced.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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