both of our littles are gone

potential tw for child/little alter loss

we have a little and a younger little, the youngner of which we have been trying to find and integrate in with us but never quite reached out to but we knew they were there. theyre both gone. we dont know how or where to or what happened. do i not need them anymore? i dont understand, we're scared and scared for them and i dont want them to be gone im scared theyre frightened and hurt and i feel like the worst host ever like i let us all down especially them, what should i do

v

Hi, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure I read in some of the expert literature that most experts don't believe any insider can truly 'die' even when I have read many bloggers who say that kind of stuff. I do know, however, that insiders can hide and they can transform and merge with others, and so sometimes it's hard to know what's going on.

I have a question: I don't understand what you were doing with the younger one and integration?? I know many, many with d.i.d. find the term 'integration' how it is commonly used by the experts to be a truly horrifying term kin to 'annihilation.' I wish experts would understand that and abandon the term because at this point I feel it is past rehabilitating and plus I don't really believe it is accurate with how non-dissociated people work...

Anyway back on point, it kind of sounds like you really didn't have a healthy connection to this younger little and then, 'bamm' you want to integrate him and if he sees that as 'annihilate' him, it's no wonder he has gone into hiding. He might be terrified just like most of my wife's girls are of that term. I suggest dropping that goal at least for the moment, apologizing for the misunderstanding and begin the arduous task of making him feel safe as you try to connect to him. Then some time in the future you can allow him to have a say in his future.

Again, I'm trying to read between the lines, so I could be totally off base.

Hi to v-prince. And I do not know you but I think your inside kids are hiding in a safe place. That is what we would do if we were afraid of something.

Joseph who is 8 and a half

And PS. I hope everything gets better.

my psychiatrist says that they do not just disappear. they are always there but just go quiet, hide, sleep, etc. so, unless there has been any integration, chances are they are still around but just somewhere else right now.