Going Down the Rabbit-Hole

neat to hear from you, Madison!

~carico

Hi Madison

Well done for posting. It is hard work... but we help each other out here.

Nice to meet you. Take care... Brett

Hi Madison,
glad you woke up and life is kind of cool. It took me a while to get comfortable with our new life.
Come back any time.
D

Nice to meet you, Madison.

Allegra (17) and shawn (girl, 16)

PS: Hey, D -- good to see you posting here too.

well I have learned some things!!! about who I am and where and when we are. it's strange. it's been a long time. i don't know why I go away for so long.

We have a new job. we have to interact with a lot of sales and marketing people and have meetings and it's weird. there's a whole new lingo to learn. anyway. i think that's why I am out. to be social.

so.....this is hard to talk about but other people talking about this helped educate our system and now we understand things a lot better. and I am. was. the one who would act out and be irresponsible about sex and have boyfriends or flings. and now we understand that is natural behavior for trauma survivors and it's not anyone's fault. and the best news is!!!! I DON'T EVER HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE!!! because it's over!!! and I am a grown up! and I have my own house! and there is nobody to hurt us. and I can whack them with my machete if anybody tries. and there is even pepper spray too.

so....yeah. that knowledge has really helped us
1. forgive each other
2. not feel so ashamed
3. create a framework for moving forward with a new set of behaviors

I am glad to be out and not be quarantined. we are going to be more in balance. and somehow I am connected to aelen because she doesn't stay in the forest when I am awake.

We are experiencing some recovered memories in the body and mind. they are unsettling but I keep breathing. i already went through the worst part. this is the getting better part.

I think I might be getting better also because my medicine is helping me sleep.

huge victory yesterday!!!

in the past I have really struggled with not establishing boundaries at work. i won't bore you with details but I established a boundary with my boss! and it went ok! I am so proud of us.

boundaries are still really confusing but practice helps.

Hi BeccaBee

Congratulations!

You know: your life is not your Bosses life. They have to make peace with themselves. You have to do right for yourself. It is your right to establish your boundary.

Practice helps. And so does role-playing, either with a colleague, or even with yourself. Work through the problem, the solution, and the boundary you're going to set, and establish a firm, conversation about it, before you engage in the conversation. List what could be brought up that would invalidate your request, and try and mitigate it beforehand.

Best of luck... Brett

sometimes I still forget that I have this thing. i come on the forum and see what it's called and it surprises me. and it blows my mind that this applies to me.

I have this photo album on my phone. everybody has a picture that represents them. i went through it. it made me sad as ###$.

other than that I am pretty happy.

I guess sometimes I pretend to be normal and I forget that I am different. and that's so messed up, you know? that your life can be so ######6 ###$ that your identity fractures


that's some heavy $#%^, man.

Well don't think about all that sad stuff... easier said than done I know. Anyway, keep the good news coming!

i experienced something really beautiful just now.

I am turning another year old and I was getting ready to go to work. i wear a bit of make up now and put it on at home. i saw myself in the mirror. like actually saw myself.

I have wrinkles. just the beginnings of time showing on my face. age and wisdom. around the eyes and mouth. normally I hate the mirror. but I was actually connected to what I saw today. it was me. it is me. an older me. and I loved myself.

I looked at the eyes in the mirror. i recognized myself. i loved myself. and I loved my wrinkles.

it was deeply moving but I can't seem to find the words for it.