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how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

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how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby perpetuo27 » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:37 pm

i have been wondering how others experience it when dissociative/switching, etc. do you have actual black outs and periods of times you have zero memory of? are they seconds, hours, days, weeks or years? or do you have some memory of the time, but it is very fuzzy or forget it/bits and pieces after the fact?

for me, it's mostly very confusing/fuzzy during and then as hours or days go by, i forget the actual time when the dissociation is active. for me, it equate to time loss, but in a different sense than a total black out from the start.

during that time, my perception of the world around me, time, self, and reality is very strange too...worse than just derealization/depersonalization (which i used to experience too very severe). and inside, things are very strange too, nothing i can verbalize it seems.
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby Violarules » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:41 pm

I have some memory of the time but it is very fuzzy and I usually forget bits and pieces of it after the fact. Usually it's not until after the fuzziness passes that I realize I was switched in the first place, since it causes a muddy feeling in the system so it makes it hard to discern myself being in control from someone else being in control.
I have ADHD. Possibly have another mental disorder but am not certain.

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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby Luxie » Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:35 pm

:) Hello there,

I experience time loss and fuzziness. The odd thing about losing time before I become more aware was that I rarely knew that I had lost time. I never woke up and wondered why I couldn't remember the weekend at all, what I did last night, where I had gotten the bag of groceries in my hand, where the dress in my closet came from, why I could rarely keep an appointment or follow through with plans.

I just kind of shrugged it off as forgetfulness and moved on with my day. It wasn't until the time loss got more severe that I would feel afraid and have symptoms that were obvious to me. For example, I took my usual bus home one day and "came to" having no idea where I was. I didn't recognize anything and I panicked for several minutes. I eventually realized where I was and where my home was.

Most of what I can remember from dissociated time is by logically figuring it out: this process was automatic for me for most of my life. As an example, a colleague asked me where I bought my special energy drink on my coffee break. I puzzled over it a moment and deduced that I must have bought it at store X because store Y doesn't carry it, and I can't walk to any other stores that carry it within fifteen minutes. I have no actual memory of purchasing the drink or when or what happened along the way.

I'm curious to read others' responses to this topic.
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby NegativeZero » Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:49 pm

I don't notice time loss until someone tells me. dx. (I don't know if it's normal forgetting, or is it DID forgetting? ) Like a few months ago, my mother lost her reading glasses. And I was like, "Where and when did you get those anyway?" And she's like. "A few months ago. You don't remember? You were there with me." xd. Still can't retrieved the memory no matter what I do.. I don't know if it's normal or not to not remember those kind of things. dx.

And last week, my best friend and I were talking about our high school memories together...Some of the memories I do remember.. But a few of them I don't. Like she was talking about a field trip we had together.. And I can't remember it, even though I know I have attended all field trips in high school..And for some memories we talked about.... I don't know if I'm imagining it happened to fill in the gaps.. Or if I truly remembered? So Confusing. dx.

(Edit: Any influenced me and is co-hosting in the paragraph below, but I typed most of it for her..:))
Fuzzy times for us is moments when we are co- conscious..(Or switching between our main group. Not truly forgetting, but losing a lot of details.) Like, I remember what happened.. But it wasn't me in control. Or sometimes, I was there, but not aware.. Or I was there and not at the same time? Like on auto-pilot. Our main group doesn't have much true time loss, more often it's denial of each other's memories. dx. Like sometimes it feels that other alters are imaging their memories.. Until we co-host or blend with them and remember to an extent.. Than afterwards, we'll forget again/ the details will be skimmed and back to denial. I don't exactly remember.. Talking about memories and time loss is triggering for some of our alters. dx.

It's all confusing. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. We're blending too much lately so it could be their influence. lol. :P.

~Sonnet, Any is helping me with the memories.. We're somewhat blending. Passive influence from other alters, but I can't hear them much at the moment.
Sonnet, Chet, Jack, Diana, Saul, Princess-Ann, Angelina,
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby FaithinWrongthings » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:47 am

I've always been unable to comprehend how time passes, I have no sense of time honestly, to me weeks feel the same as days, months, I can never tell how long ago something happened or how time is passing, or even match my years up to my age or events.

*potential trigger warning*

For me (main host) dissociation is always on a scale. This is it from slight to extreme.

1.) I can choose to remember or to forget, to hold on to my memories or emotions or let them go. If I let them go, they can fall anywhere on this scale.

2.) I can remember, but vaguely. When I try to remember the memory is blurry or fuzzy, and the sounds and words echo and are distorted.

3.) My memories are choppy, and it feels like they are slipping. I have to fight very hard not to forget.

4.) I start to remember, and then forget. I start to hear or see my memory but can't distinguish what is being said or how I felt, and the more I try to remember the more it slips away.

5.) I think I remember something, but then it's replaced by denial and I "realize" I never remembered anything at all.

6.) Deja vu

7.) I see something and feel very strange, it starts right below my ribs directly under my sternum and rises up through my throat to the back of my tongue and spreads across my chest. I don't know what I'm remembering and sometimes cannot distinguish what emotions I am feeling.

8.) I will be very very upset, then suddenly not understand why I was crying and hyperventaliting in the first place. There are no emotions, no memory, it's just blank. There is no fog or fuzziness, it was as if nothing ever happened, and if it were not for the crying I wouldn't even know that I was previously upset in the first place.

9.) Nothing. I have no recollection, this produces denial.

Switching:

Switching can create dissociation anywhere on this spectrum.

Switching is usually foretold by hearing another alter talk, yawning, or noticing abnormal and un characteristic behaviors in myself. I also get very anxious and feel as if my body is vibrating, like my soul and insides are about to jump out of my skin. Sometimes it's a smooth gradient and I can feel myself slowly get more and more like the alter who is trying to come out, then I'm gone.

Back when I first knew about my system it was much more extreme, and harder on the body. Often I would get very dizzy, and need to sit, get raging headaches before and after, and my eyes would roll back in my head creating pressure in my head.

After, if I knew who it was or it was communicated who it was, it's a lot easier especially if it wasn't a ime where someone forced themselves out. It takes me a minute to get associated with my surroundings, I check the time, sometimes I'm shocked by how much time has passed, but quickly I carry on my day.

If someone forced themselves out, often I'm frozen, can't move or speak, really diss orientated and it is really hard to acclimate to my surroundings. It takes me minutes to regain motor and vocal function. This doesn't happen in the cases of TW trauma END or triggered/emergency switches, but only with people forcing themselves out when it is emotionally unnecessary for me, usually with intentions from the alter trying to front that are selfish, meaning they were not needed to front, they chose to for personal reasons.
If you know me from the D.I.D forum a couple years ago, feel free to PM me, just know i go by a different name now.(I'm gender fluid)
I am Kayden, a 17 yo diagnosed PTSD TS & Bipolar. Undiagnosed DID used to be DXed with mood disorder with psychosis but somewhere along the lines they forgot about the psychosis?
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby theclocksystem » Tue Nov 24, 2015 8:40 am

We usually feel it when we lose time, like a hole or an emptiness. And memories held by one alter but not the other are there but fuzzy, usually it's a presence one feels but can't decipher or enter the memories while the other remembers them. Unless the other, remembering part, says things out loud, the fuzziness of the memory doesn't go away. So I guess we can build memories like a puzzle. There is one alter, Moana, a protector, who has access to everybody's memories. But for the others it's an individual deal.
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby IainEtc » Tue Nov 24, 2015 3:47 pm

I can usually tell when Host is losing time. I used to think it was funny because Host was like OH Sh*t!! what happened when I wasn't looking. But now I try to help because he gets really worried sometimes. I remind him of stuff a lot. Sometimes he's stubborn though and won't listen to me.

And there's this other thing where M says like where are my keys and Host doesn't know. But then our little who ALWAYS tracks EVERYTHING tells Host where they are. Host can find things he doesn't remember!

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, & Host - the adult out front

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which one do they mean?
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby theclocksystem » Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:08 pm

IainEtc wrote:I can usually tell when Host is losing time. I used to think it was funny because Host was like OH Sh*t!! what happened when I wasn't looking. But now I try to help because he gets really worried sometimes. I remind him of stuff a lot. Sometimes he's stubborn though and won't listen to me.

And there's this other thing where M says like where are my keys and Host doesn't know. But then our little who ALWAYS tracks EVERYTHING tells Host where they are. Host can find things he doesn't remember!

Iain


Can you feel a time-loss coming on? I mean like, can you feel that the host is about to lose time or do you just know it as it happens? Host is always paranoid she's losing time, none of us can never suspect when it happens. It would help if we could.
L - host (22)
Lilu - secondary host (17)
Miss - trauma holder (15)
Moana - protector, analytical (29)
Aleks - protector, carer (29)
Bunny - little, happiness holder (3-10)
Pingu - little, trauma holder (5)
Dawn - perpetrator, fictive (200)
Claudia - little, perpetrator (12)
Lydia - depressive, suicidal (22)
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby MeWeUsThem » Tue Nov 24, 2015 6:38 pm

The way I understand it is it's about missing memories, which equates to time loss. The memories that are missing takes time and it's perceived as missing time.

We are co-con, but the memories stay with the other that experienced them. We are aware of the present, but the one that's up keeps all the memory as it fades off with them when they go back in.

Our days, weeks, months, years, and life are segmented and in bit's and pieces. Of course it's different for each alter.

I can say time is flying for me. It's like already Christmas again, like jumping a year in 3 months, rushing to our death. :/

When I look back at my day or week, they are segmented at best with holes in it. I don't remember my childhood and 20 years is missing when I was barely present.

I know that we the system is active, but what it is eludes me.
We are multiple that's co-con with no host in a poly-fragmented way. This system is 47 years old and also bipolar affected. We have always operated in co-operation and switching happens moment to moment. Integration is a pipe dream so this is how it's to be to death do we part.

We are good with that. ;)
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Re: how do you experience time loss/fuzzy times

Postby IainEtc » Tue Nov 24, 2015 9:37 pm

I can tell Host is losing time because his thoughts kind of freeze frame. When that happens he goes on infinite loop for a while. Like if there's a dropped hand off after a switch. Or somebody takes front and blocks the input. Or if Host gets hold of something he's not supposed to think about so stuff gets erased and Host only thinks it's lost time but he was really there. I guess it's kind of complicated.

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When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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