Hi everybody, I am confused would really like some opinions please.
So I'm diagnosed borderline and bipolar (my t and I think the bipolar is incorrect) and I just started therapy about 2 months ago. I had such a strange experience I started wondering about DID.
***trigger warning
My first session t asked about trauma she said for insurance purpose, I told her I was a molested by a neighbor for years as a child and I halfway believe my parents knew because I saw them watching. Also I think my dad molested me but he disguised it as medical because he is a nurse, my mom saw this.. I was going back and forth saying it was obviously molestation and at the same time saying but maybe he's innocent I'm taking it the wrong way.. And she ended up saying she thinks I'm split down the middle.
So like the second session I was talking about some different stuff at first and then I went back to the molestation subject and it felt like I lost control and I was arguing with myself on whether or not what he did was molestation. I don't remember what I said but I remember it felt like I was spinning and I couldn't make myself shut up. I knew I was being annoying because t couldn't even get a word in and I was barely looking at her. It was like I was arguing with myself and she was just watching. I was like 10 minutes past the session end when she leaned forward and looked like she lost interest, I had no concept of time and just felt she wasn't listening. I felt like I was Velcro coming apart slowly, I looked out the window and it felt like half of me went out.. And then I was numb and thoughtless. I saw her looking at me and she rushed me out the door. I felt like I was following myself from slightly above and wasn't connected to my body. I said that's it? Because I thought I had only been there for like 10 mins. I went outside and I was lost for about 10 more minutes.
The next session I told her about how I forgot what I had said before and she was like "are you dissociating?" And then she read to me about dissociative amnesia and she said she does not think I have DID. After that session she talked to a psychiatrist who said I'm not ready to talk about trauma yet.
I have told her that I lost a few minutes at my baby's dr appt, lost an hour of time previous to something my dad said that made my head spin, and I lost about 2 weeks after finding out a friend died and that's what I remember now.. I lose things all the time and then find them right infront of me or sometimes never find the thing. I find that I've already done things I go to do like the dishes or something.
When my son was born there was a complication and I thought he would be dead or seriously disabled he was ok luckily but after that I became extremely optimistic and motivated and after being depressed and socially anxious for like 5 years I lost 120 lbs in 1 year and I felt the way I was as a teenager when my bpd was symptomatic so I started therapy. Now I feel I'm going back to being anxious and tired, and overeating. Does that sound bipolar? Is it like DID at all or is it bpd? I feel I can't ask the therapist because she wanted me to stop discussing trauma so I don't know.. If anyone knows about these things or has a guess help me out please. And I love you if you read it all!