Dissociating/switching at first therapist appointment

We went to an interview with a therapist yesterday. B. was worried the clueless/apathetic teenager that s/he usually is would show up and was very highly dissociated prior to the appointment. As soon as we got out of the car, Alex, a friendly, sturdy and conscientious part, took over and handled the paperwork and interview, explaining some details about us without revealing too much (in case this woman is not safe). But we felt his questions did not deal enough with the emotional trauma side of things and it was a concern. B. ended up coming out and was completely disoriented even though he had been partly present during Alex's time. Rather than saying, "I switched," he tried to carry on and it was a bit messy. The therapist, aware I think that she was just being interviewed and maybe not wanting to be intrusive, did not not question us about what was happening. Or maybe did not notice. (But if she didn't notice, that's a problem.) But B. had no thoughts and couldn't think of anything to say. So we wasted some time and it was awkward.

The therapist was clearly very experienced and competent. She sees many DID people a week and had practical ideas on many subjects. what we talked about didn't seem that deep, more like DID housekeeping. Alex doesn't deal with past stuff and couldn't address it with her. Several of us thought she could be good. She didn't seem especially warm and nurturing, was more factual and distant, but friendly and accessible, too. We have an appointment with another specialist on Saturday.

It's going to be hard to make decisions when we are so not well, even if some of us are doing fine. Thoughts?

Nondescript wrote:But we felt his questions did not deal enough with the emotional trauma side of things and it was a concern.

That wouldn't concern me at all. Exploring trauma in a first session generally isn't appropriate.

Nondescript wrote:The therapist [...] did not not question us about what was happening. Or maybe did not notice. (But if she didn't notice, that's a problem.)

If she did not notice, I agree that would be a problem! But it seems unlikely. You could ask. Just call and ask: "Did you notice any switching?" If she says no, you have an answer. If she says yes, then ask her to describe what she noticed.

My thought is that you are shopping for a therapist. So you interview the promising ones then you follow up with any questions that arise. Get more information. Your first interview with this therapist was a great success, as you learned a lot and now you have some really good questions to ask.

I don't really have anything in the way of thoughts/advice. I have very little memory / knowledge / experience regarding therapy attempts. But I wanted to chime in some encouragement. I watch for your threads and posts in part because I know you have been working towards finding a specialist. And now you're finally there. =) I get the impression (could be mistaken) that part of you wants to start tackling things head-on in a more focused manner. (Is that true at all?) I'm hoping it works out for you and that you'll keep updating us on how it's going. I seem to go through very ambitious phases but then back down quickly, so in a way I see you as brave and am rooting for you.

Una+ wrote:That wouldn't concern me at all. Exploring trauma in a first session generally isn't appropriate.

It's not that she needed to explore specific trauma. She said, of how to work with/discover trauma, "oh, if an alter feels it needs to be dealt with, he'll make sure it comes up in life." She works with symptoms and present day experiences to guide trauma processing. We repressed this for years and years, and Alex is very good at stopping information even now. What she said might mean she thinks like Alex thinks: the past doesn't matter. It matters even if Alex doesn't notice it matters. If there is no specific effort to bring up/search for what's wrong, how can we be sure to get through everything we need to? Do other therapists use a more systematic approach? The bummer about having Alex talk to people is that he is so nonchalant about everything. It puts people at ease and makes them think all is well, even if he is telling them ALL IS NOT WELL.

Una+ wrote:

Nondescript wrote:The therapist [...] did not not question us about what was happening. Or maybe did not notice. (But if she didn't notice, that's a problem.)

If she did not notice, I agree that would be a problem! But it seems unlikely. You could ask. Just call and ask: "Did you notice any switching?" If she says no, you have an answer. If she says yes, then ask her to describe what she noticed.

That's a bold and direct approach. I like it. Thanks.

Una+ wrote:My thought is that you are shopping for a therapist. So you interview the promising ones then you follow up with any questions that arise. Get more information. Your first interview with this therapist was a great success, as you learned a lot and now you have some really good questions to ask.

Awesome assessment. This is the first time we have interviewed therapists this way. In the past twenty years we have done a lot of therapy, but because we didn't think anyone could help us really get better, it was mostly therapy to try to keep from ruining everything during breakdowns and no one knew what to do with us.

Nondescript wrote:She said, of how to work with/discover trauma, "oh, if an alter feels it needs to be dealt with, he'll make sure it comes up in life." [...] What she said might mean she thinks like Alex thinks: the past doesn't matter. It matters even if Alex doesn't notice it matters. If there is no specific effort to bring up/search for what's wrong, how can we be sure to get through everything we need to?

That might be what she means, but I doubt it. She said "it comes up in life"; the key there is "in life", and that is what happens. If it matters, something will go splat in a big messy way.

Nondescript wrote:It's not that she needed to explore specific trauma. She said, of how to work with/discover trauma, "oh, if an alter feels it needs to be dealt with, he'll make sure it comes up in life." She works with symptoms and present day experiences to guide trauma processing. We repressed this for years and years, and Alex is very good at stopping information even now. What she said might mean she thinks like Alex thinks: the past doesn't matter. It matters even if Alex doesn't notice it matters. If there is no specific effort to bring up/search for what's wrong, how can we be sure to get through everything we need to? Do other therapists use a more systematic approach? The bummer about having Alex talk to people is that he is so nonchalant about everything. It puts people at ease and makes them think all is well, even if he is telling them ALL IS NOT WELL.

I think I understand what she is trying to say to you. This T doesn't feel the need to go digging and forcing trauma memories up. Forcing trauma memories can really destabalize a patient. She will work with how your trauma past affects your life today. And, through working with your parts memories will surface and you can deal with them then. This is how my T works. And, even with Melissa and Justice trying to stop the memories, stop the process, things are still bubbling up through the littles in my system.

I get how much more comfortable a step by step process would be. Because I feel like my healing is messy. Lots of balls in the air with lost of different parts working on their own thing. But, if I step back and look down I can see how it has been affective for me.

Una+ wrote:That might be what she means, but I doubt it. She said "it comes up in life"; the key there is "in life", and that is what happens. If it matters, something will go splat in a big messy way.

This makes total sense to me. I hope all of me gets it. Thanks.

-- Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:06 pm --

am4kds wrote:I think I understand what she is trying to say to you. This T doesn't feel the need to go digging and forcing trauma memories up. Forcing trauma memories can really destabalize a patient. She will work with how your trauma past affects your life today. And, through working with your parts memories will surface and you can deal with them then. This is how my T works. And, even with Melissa and Justice trying to stop the memories, stop the process, things are still bubbling up through the littles in my system.

I get how much more comfortable a step by step process would be. Because I feel like my healing is messy. Lots of balls in the air with lost of different parts working on their own thing. But, if I step back and look down I can see how it has been affective for me.

Such a very helpful description! Thank you for taking the time to write it. Maybe this therapist is good. I didn't really feel a, hmm, soulful connection with her, or this strong sense of safety or something, which is what I felt with our current therapist.

But we didn't present much of ourselves in this initial meeting. I don't even know if that connection feeling is good or necessary. Or if we're capable of it these days.

Alex: I also want to clarify that I in no way believe "the past doesn't matter." It's true that I want to move on, but only in a way that respects all of us and our needs. I don't know who thought I believe this, but it is not true. I want you who wrote that statement and all of us to be at ease. I want us to do what we need to do so that we may all be well and live a fulfilling life. You can trust me in this. I will advocate for all of us as well as I can.

Deep connection comes with time, if at all.

The feeling of instant connection, also known as chemistry, feels a lot like a deep connection but in many cases it turns out to be only an illusion and soon fades away.

Una+ wrote:Deep connection comes with time, if at all.

The feeling of instant connection, also known as chemistry, feels a lot like a deep connection but in many cases it turns out to be only an illusion and soon fades away.

That makes perfect sense. If someone asked me my own question, I might have said the same thing. I am so fuzzy when it comes to all this sometimes!

i had my appointment with the second specialist. I loved her! I am going to see the first one again and talk some more to decide. This lady got me talking and managed to answer all my questions without me having to ask them. Impressive! The one I saw today is farther away and hard in terms of childcare, and the one from the other day is just down the street. The one from the other day the lighting in her office is yucky. Wish i could bring my own lamp for sessions! I am so thankful for all this help available. I feel so hopeful!