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Coming Out

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Coming Out

Postby CalligraphyJack » Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:48 pm

Today is National Coming Out Day. Today is also the day we've decided to tell our parents about our DID-- about us.
-Hunter


We're also going to make it clear that we do NOT need help, that we are NOT a disease, nor are we a disorder. We are simply a fact of life. We are living beings.
-Cade


I'm scared...
-Casey
ADHD, DID

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Donald
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Re: Coming Out

Postby Wild-Isles » Sat Oct 11, 2014 8:38 pm

Congrats on your bravery, all of you!
I officially came out of the closet to my family and friends last year as Trans, and received a rather confused, but Accepting response from them. It made me feel stronger about who I am, but I think it's too soon for Myself (and the rest of my little clan) to tell them about my DID. Everyone knows me as "the daydreamer" already, and since my alters don't really hassle my life too much as is, i'm probably gonna wait till at least next year, myself.

A handful of my close friends (and some of my past SO's) already know about "all of us", and they loved me none the less. but my Parents and siblings may be a bit more troubled. One of my grandparents was also trans, and had post-war PTSD & schizophrenia (& possible DID, but was never officially diagnosed), and sadly made a mess of things in their family life (There was not proper available help for them at the time.) I think after I was diagnosed Bipolar, among other visible traits, my parents, though still loving me, also somewhat feared me, and if I tell them about my DID, I'm worried they might jump the gun and think i'm "heading down the path of my ancestor".

That or call the usual "This is just a phase" BS. I swear parents use that crap as a safeguard for failing comprehension of their offspring not being part of the cookie-cutter mold. But what fun is being "normal" like the rest of society? Sooooo dreadfully boring....

Regardless, your courage is motivational to the rest of us. We have no reason to be ashamed about who we are.

*Tch*.... Even if they Aren't on-board with it, don't let others tell you who you can and can't be. It's not their f***ing body & mind to decide on, now is it?

Don't be scared Casey, we support you and all your kin. :)
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CopperMoon » Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:34 pm

My best guess is that when people react very poorly to this sort of thing, it's because of a rapid 'firing off' thought process that goes something like:

1. This situation with my loved one is a bad thing
2. This bad situation is often caused by trauma in childhood
3. Therefore there is the possibility that I might get blamed for this bad situation
4. I can't handle that
5. The solution is that this bad situation is not real
6. I will now proceed to convince myself, by convincing them, that this situation is not real
7. If they agree with me, then it proves to me that the situation is not real
8. So I will now get as vehement as necessary in my effort to get them to agree with me

But I imagine for most people, in the split second it might take for all of these thoughts to fire off in their brain, they don't realize that this is what is happening. They're only able to register the "this isn't real" part.

I try (not always with success) to keep this in mind whenever I am up against that sort of thing, either in myself or someone else. And again, not always with success. I'd say not even usually with success, to be honest.
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CalligraphyJack » Sun Oct 12, 2014 1:37 am

We're going to do it...

...hopefully. Our parents have always assumed that we've been just looking for attention with everything we do. What if they say the same about this?
-Cade
ADHD, DID

Alters:
Cade
Casey
Hunter
Calligraphy Jack
Ashley
Joseph
Donald
Ryan
Cassius
Mad Jack
CalligraphyJack
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CopperMoon » Sun Oct 12, 2014 1:45 am

CalligraphyJack wrote:We're going to do it...

...hopefully. Our parents have always assumed that we've been just looking for attention with everything we do. What if they say the same about this?
-Cade


Why do you want to tell them? I think making sure you understand that could be a major help, no matter how they react. If you're hoping to get some kind of validation from them, then I imagine that could set you up for a pretty rough time if it doesn't happen. But if your goal is to validate yourselves and go through the live-action process of standing up to those who invalidate you, then it might be a huge step forward in self-acceptance. I went through something somewhat similar recently. I think if you have someone very strong in your group to back you all up and remind you all that you don't need your parents' validation, and that it doesn't actually matter how they react, because it's your (all of you) life and journey, then you all will be okay. If you have someone in your group who feels the need for outside validation to such an extent that it's painful when it doesn't happen, this experience might also bring that to light. No matter what, you can use it as a chance to become more self-aware and, eventually, stronger.
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CalligraphyJack » Sun Oct 12, 2014 6:13 pm

We didn't do it...
Instead, we went to a movie with our brother, which ended at midnight, and by the time we got back, our parents were asleep.
-Cade
ADHD, DID

Alters:
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Casey
Hunter
Calligraphy Jack
Ashley
Joseph
Donald
Ryan
Cassius
Mad Jack
CalligraphyJack
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CopperMoon » Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:26 pm

Well, wasn't the right time yet, then, no big deal. But hopefully going through the process of thinking about doing it helped give you some insight for yourself?
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Re: Coming Out

Postby CalligraphyJack » Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:33 am

Well, we told them. They don't quite understand or believe us, but we did it
-Cade


-- Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:33 am --

Well, we told them. They don't quite understand or believe us, but we did it
-Cade
ADHD, DID

Alters:
Cade
Casey
Hunter
Calligraphy Jack
Ashley
Joseph
Donald
Ryan
Cassius
Mad Jack
CalligraphyJack
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:13 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Coming Out

Postby CopperMoon » Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:39 am

CalligraphyJack wrote:Well, we told them. They don't quite understand or believe us, but we did it
-Cade


-- Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:33 am --

Well, we told them. They don't quite understand or believe us, but we did it
-Cade


Well I am curious as to how it went, if you ever feel up to sharing. My situation was a little backwards because I hadn't considered DID, and my mother was the one who brought it up. So my mother and my therapist think I have DID, but I still grapple on the fence with it at this point in my life. Although I came here to make an account, and discovered that I already had an account here (said the email I was trying was already in use, so I searched through my inbox to try to find the registration info). So then I discovered that I had considered DID, went off the deep end and fled my then-state of residency, forgot about it and then came back to this forum after my mother and this therapist brought it up. So I haven't really been up against any sort of 'coming out' experience. More like.. desperately.. trying to go 'back in' experiences lol. So I've been wondering how it was going to go for you.
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Re: Coming Out

Postby lifepuzzle » Tue Oct 14, 2014 1:26 am

CalligraphyJack wrote:Well, we told them. They don't quite understand or believe us, but we did it
-Cade


My parents (dad and stepmother, not my biological mother) were told because of my/our first hospitalization, so I can't really speak of a coming out since I really didn't have a choice, but that was over two years ago, and while my dad never mentions DID, he has over time come to recognize the fact that I do have a problem, and is more understanding of my situation (jobless, but that may soon change) and is more ready to help me financially and materially (not psychologically though).

At the same time, I still sometimes challenge the idea that I have DID, but recent events have made it pretty clear to me that it cannot be anything else ! [On the bright side, even though I'm uncomfortable with what happened, I am somewhat able to laugh about it] And while my father has told me that, thinking back, there were instances of strange behavior he remembered, he said that he would not have linked it to extreme dissociation (my words, not his); DID can be subtle to outsiders !

Anyway, I wish you a good day, and well, you are brave, much more than I ! I probably wouldn't have told my parents (or anyone, in fact) yet, had I not been forced to.
When you screw up, and nobody says anything anymore, it means that they gave up on you - Randy Pausch
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